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#1
Aug 25, 2011, 11:15 PM
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Hey everyone ~
Im just having a terrible lousy time .. the last week has just mentally and emotionally drained me  I really have no support system except for my therapist ( thank god for him) My husband is just snippy all the time ! Seems nothing I say is right . I had a long talk with my therapist today about how to finally put myself first in MY life and get to feeling better and begin to learn HOW to do that .. I have always put everyone else first in my life ,, If my husband is in a bad mood of course I Assume its because of me so I beat myself up over it .. self harm , get to thinking " stupid" . Anyway .. Im mentally and physically exhausted but im determined to finally just work on myself and to hell any of the others in my life that cant understand how they have hurt me and will probably continue too..(until im strong enough to stand up to them,, right now i just start crying anytime I try to tell someone that there words or actions hurt me ) I at least want to finally realize and truly believe " I am a good person ! I deserve to be happy again ! I didnt ask for Bi Polar but I will learn to have a life despite its ridculous roller coaster ways ! I know that this battle is going to be one of the hardest things I will have to do .. But I know that if I dont do this there is no hope for me. Thanks for reading my rant/whine/*****fest. Wishing you all some peace ~ 
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#2
Aug 26, 2011, 12:09 AM
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I'm glad to hear you're taking care of yourself. Good for you!
__________________
Bipolar Disorder I, PTSD, GAD When it is darkest, we can see the stars. –Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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#3
Aug 26, 2011, 07:24 AM
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Quote:
Good luck and big ((((hugs)))) to you.
__________________
 When life keeps knocking you down again and again, get up, dust yourself off, give it the finger and continue on. |
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#4
Aug 26, 2011, 06:35 PM
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Thanks zbmom and Sunangel ..
I'm sure I'm going to fall on my face numerous times until I learn "how" to put myself first. It is something I have to do somehow someway. I'm feeling really manic today ,, My mind is racing like crazy ... My meds just harent helping me today .. I guess I just need to ride it out ... hopefully tomorrow will be better. Wishing you all some Peace and Love <3 |
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#5
Aug 27, 2011, 10:49 PM
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But do you ever hear yourself talking & suspect that you are about to/just did make thinks bad for yourself?
I do that at work at least once a week. I'll hear myself agreeing with a patron that they were given lousy service or that a product was inferior ... whatever. And of course I know know I'm going to catch veiled heck somehow. Is that a bipolar thing? Or just stupid?
__________________
roads & Charlie |
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#6
Aug 28, 2011, 02:26 AM
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One of my biggest struggles has been learning to value myself. Before that I always took offence to every possible perceived insult and heaped blame upon myself. Hope that you can come to believe that you are a valuable, special person who is worthy of being loved.
Maybe some couples counselling would be helpful for you and your husband. Best wishes to you on your BP journey, know that we are here for you if you need to talk 
__________________
 I can do all things through him who gives me strength
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