Called pdoc

Called my pdoc like I said I would do. He said to ride the depression out longer since I have a long history of getting manic with psychosis off anti depressants. Uggh so frustrated. Sure ride it out sounds so easy. I am so frustrated with my chemical make up right now. Ride it out , riiiiide it out. Um ok.

Oh I should mention I was honest about taking celexa from the cupboard and got a nice lecture. I am obviously desperate. But I get it.

I understand the urge to take medications that have been discontinued to treat the depression. I've decided that the next time I pick up a my monthly medication, I am going to give them all the medication that have been discontinued.

sometimes one just has to tought it out. Believe me, it passes though.

Oh yes. I kept all the leftover ADs the GP had prescribed. Couldn't bear to throw them out, even though 2 of them were unmitigated disasters(!) (The other one was harder to tell.) WTH is up with that?! When I moved, I tossed out the whole bag. It was really hard. And as messed up as it is, I've wished I hadn't from time to time. But I know it is wrong. I hear you on the desperation, Anika. You know the suggestion that is coming (though I have absolutely no business doing so...)... Can you get rid of them to remove the temptation?

Don't forget we're here for you, Anika!

At least you were honest. good job!

thanks for the support, yes I could throw them out. I'll think about it. Never thought I'd see myself clinging to a stash of pills again in my life. It's just very disappointing to hear basically "can't help you" when it comes to depression again. I know I can get through it, I am just tired. This year has been one episode after another. Maybe after this one more hoop I will return to a recovery point.