[Detach]

I put myself in the hospital 3-4 weeks ago due to a manic episode, I was there 9 days... I was already messed up, then the hospital was a living nightmare!

Anyway, my only support in my personal life is my husband and my sister that lives out of state.

When I'm not having my own issues I feel I'm very supportive of others, try to help them problem solve, give advice, etc. However, my mother and my only friend are so damn selfish that when I'm in need all they do is talk about themselves- I swear they don't even ask how I'm doing, they just ramble on regarding their own issues as though I'm in any position to counsel them at this time. Absolutely selfish, it's so bad I'm actually wondering why I have a relationship with either of them! I normally wouldn't see it this clearly, because I'm not usually needy, however I'm sick now.....

[SophiaG]

that's not friendship if you're treated like a taking-post.

My mother is just as you described, I know how hard it can be to have relationships with people like that. I have decided my mother has her own issues and have to remind myself of that in order to be able to have any kind of relationship with her. ((((dijmart))))

[GladeGal]

Originally Posted by Anika

My mother is just as you described, I know how hard it can be to have relationships with people like that. I have decided my mother has her own issues and have to remind myself of that in order to be able to have any kind of relationship with her. ((((dijmart))))

I have come to the same conclusion. My own mother is the same way. They are too wrapped up in their own world to really be a shoulder. Distance/limiting contact has been my cure unfortunately.

[popeye]

I am lucky. My mother and brother are both bipolar and very supportive. I would not talkt to my mother if she was as selfish as you say. ..and it sounds like you need a different friend.

[Cnytroxy1973]

I don't associate with most of my family for that very reason. Also they think that Bi-polar and Borderline Personality Disorder aren't real. They think that I can just "snap out of it". For that reason I don't reach out to anyone in my family anymore and if my dad and calls I just tell him that "I'm fine, and still looking for a job." It is not worth arguing about and trying to defend my illness. It only makes me feel shameful.

[AAAAA]

Sometimes when I do not know what to say to someone I will ramble on and on about myself. It is not that I’m self-centered, it is just that I have no idea what to say to make things better and silence can be so uncomfortable. Also, most people feel that misery loves company, maybe they think if you see the struggles they are going through your own will not seem so big. They could also be trying not to make you self-conscious. Try to be a little proactive. Next time just say “I would really love to hear about what is going on in your life, but I need to talk about me for a minute.”

[ffgal]

Dijmart......I'm sorry for what is going on. I am always here to be a friend & listen to your concerns. I have been hospitalized for bipolar 7 times. My friends/family/ex boyfriend are I think just kind of burnt out on the situation. My family has very bad communication skills. When I am in there, they never even mention when they call or visit. THat just how it goes in my family. As far as my friends go, they always say that they try to talk about other things to make me feel better & distract me from how bad things are. I guess it may help in a way, but I definately know how hurtful that can be. As uncomfortable as that may be, It may help you to understand their motives. If they talked to you in there then they obviously care about you. I am so drugged up in there most of the time, I wouldnt even remember seeing or talking to them, which has to make them feel hurt & kind of like whats the point she wont remember anyways. Which I can almost understand . It is really hard for most people to know what to say or do. HOpe it gets better & you can get somewhere with them Take care!!!!

[Detach]

Thanks for all the replies!

My mom has been selfish for as long as I can remember but it's gotten worse the past few years- she doesn't even hear me any longer. I'll call her and she'll vomit all her problems on to me, then say well I don't have anything else to say so I'm going to go now. So much for me thinking I would have a turn to speak

My friend has selfish tendencies also, but I expected more from her I guess, because for the past 9 months I've helped her through her husband leaving her for another woman and I was a shoulder to cry on MANY, MANY times. Also I called her regularly to make sure she was okay.... Do you think she calls me since I got out of the hospital 2 weeks ago? NO, not one time. Oh and didn't call when I was in the hospital either!

Having a crisis or health problem really lets ya know who is there for you and who isn't!

Thanks for listening.

[Flooded]

Don't call her and if she calls you, put the phone on the bench and go watch some tv. She'll get the message eventually.

[lost in]

i'm bipolar also and have recently been hospitalized. i believe those that were once close to you don't understand the disease. i also believe they are afraid. afraid of what to say, afraid they might set you off, afraid that you are having a bad day and don't want to deal with it, etc. lack of understanding leads to fear. fear leads to the appearance that they don't care. fear leads to selfishness. selfishness leads to a lack of caring. it can be a vicious circle. i take the support i can get from the people in my life that reach out. those care nothing for me are avoided. you can't chose your family of birth, but you can chose a different family where you get support and the opportunity to support them when they need it. this is what i have done. chronic complainers need not be encouraged or tolerated. let them deal with their own disease. best wishes in finding a new family that gives you what you need and you can give what you are able

[Detach]

Originally Posted by lost in

i'm bipolar also and have recently been hospitalized. i believe those that were once close to you don't understand the disease. i also believe they are afraid. afraid of what to say, afraid they might set you off, afraid that you are having a bad day and don't want to deal with it, etc. lack of understanding leads to fear. fear leads to the appearance that they don't care. fear leads to selfishness. selfishness leads to a lack of caring. it can be a vicious circle. i take the support i can get from the people in my life that reach out. those care nothing for me are avoided. you can't chose your family of birth, but you can chose a different family where you get support and the opportunity to support them when they need it. this is what i have done. chronic complainers need not be encouraged or tolerated. let them deal with their own disease. best wishes in finding a new family that gives you what you need and you can give what you are able

I know you're right, it just hurts. As I said in an earlier post my husband and sister are the only ones that support me or even listen for goodness sakes, but I'm thankful for them, very thankful for them. I understand the fear concept, truly I do, however it's not a good excuse to me. At this point I like what you said ..."those care nothing for me are avoided." I started reading and posting to this site today, because I feel alone with this disease.