I am new at this was diagnosed about a month and a half ago. Looong story went into a psychosis and was put in the hospital twice.

I have been out and am seeing a t doc and p doc. Last week I was messing with my meds (I know I shouldn't have) and increasing my Seroquel to try and get sleep. Then I increased my Topomax, any way it was stupid.

I took my self off Risperdal I was all over the plc. Well I went back on Risperdal and had a mtg last thurs with my sister, tdoc, pdoc.

Here is my point I go through periods where I don't trust any of them. The pdoc said she sees some psychosis in there but its not ugly. She raised the risperdal .5 mg. I live in fear or depression most of the time UNLESS I take an Lorazapam. I don't want to have to rely on those that is just masking everything. I feel I should be on an antidepressant but I was just in a mania so I understand why she doesn't want to do that bt my Serotonin feels depleted. Sometimes I feel life is completely over with this diagnosis and the only time I feel ok is with a benzo come on that is not how I want to live. I am just so scared anybody else go through this lack of trust and fear similar to what I am saying?

And I won't mess with meds again I will just call right away if they aren't working how they are supposed to.

[kj44]

All of the above! I always get to a point where I trust no-one. I have messed with my meds. I am currently going through a new try again. I have hope some days, your not alone, I have great faith you will make it! People on here will help you, better then I, most likely, at this point. Keep putting your thoughts on here, you will get some good ideas, and great caring!