[peaceweb602]

I have never been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, however, I know I experience moments when my thinking and feeling fluctuates between two states. I'm often a black or white thinker who can't accept balance. I don't enjoy feeling high, but I experience it in some moments and then I think I can achieve great things. I am not extraordinary in any way of being nor do I possess great talents , at least that's how I think about myself, but I often feel as if I can do great things. I daydream about having talent to do something radical and great, and I know I am deeply disillusioned, however, I have such reoccurring thinking. Sometimes I think I will become poor and dependent on others to take care of me because I am mentally ill or don't have enough intelligence to make it on my own. It doesn't make sense how I believe I will either be great or incapable of making it on my own. Realistically, I think I can make it on my own if I toughen up and incorporate a lot of endurance into my way of being. I do have intelligence, it's just that I misuse it to dream unrealistically and waste my time. I am very moody and do not understand nor can deal with stress very well. I am unstable. I am trying to be practical and in control of my emotions? How can I reach my full potential and live a healthy life? I would like to stop with the grandiose and extreme way of thinking.

[Detach]

You need to see a psychiatrist and get a proper diagnosis, then you can take meds to treat your symptoms... that's my best advice.

[manicminer]

A big 10-4 on that one. Go find yourself a reputable psychiatrist (I use university health systems) and get a psych evaluation. they are trained professionals and get to the root of why you are feeling the way you are.
There is no reason to keep dealing with the hell you are going through now. It took a lot of guts and I had to swallow my pride (not easy for a country boy to do), but I admitted to myself I was no longer strong enough to cope on my own. That was the day I let my friend's parents take me to the ER. Dont let it get to that point. That week in the mental health unit cost $27,000. Just glad Dad had great insurance.
Good luck and best wishes

[peaceweb602]

Originally Posted by dijmart

You need to see a psychiatrist and get a proper diagnosis, then you can take meds to treat your symptoms... that's my best advice.

No, I'm not going to take medications to treat my bipolar thinking. I earnestly believe I can overcome my bipolar thinking through self awareness. My bipolar thinking isn't nearly as bad as it use to be. I just need to get a firm grasp on reality and reason my way out of my disillusionment. I also need to find ways to better handle my emotions. I use to be severely bipolar, but I'm becoming more humble and secure in reality. My grandiose thinking occasionally pops up when I feel potential in myself. The subjects that stem from my grandiose thinking are motivated by ego. I need to humble down and prioritize. I need to firmly know that I don't need drama and greatness in my life. I need humility. I just need to be grounded and realistic. The shades between the two ends are worth examining.

[manicminer]

Originally Posted by peaceweb602

No, I'm not going to take medications to treat my bipolar thinking. I earnestly believe I can overcome my bipolar thinking through self awareness. My bipolar thinking isn't nearly as bad as it use to be. I just need to get a firm grasp on reality and reason my way out of my disillusionment. I also need to find ways to better handle my emotions. I use to be severely bipolar, but I'm becoming more humble and secure in reality. My grandiose thinking occasionally pops up when I feel potential in myself. The subjects that stem from my grandiose thinking are motivated by ego. I need to humble down and prioritize. I need to firmly know that I don't need drama and greatness in my life. I need humility. I just need to be grounded and realistic. The shades between the two ends are worth examining.

That's ok for now if all your having is grandiose thinking.

If sinister, homicidal, suicidal, criminal thinking starts to occur like it does with me, then honestly meds are your best bet. they've kept me out of a jail cell and/or a casket many times

Your symptoms, to me, sound a lot like Borderline Personality Disorder. It's amazing how similar BPD and Bipolar are. I'm not diagnosing you by any means, just sharing my thoughts.

I would definitely see a psychiatrist though, you shouldn't have to go through this alone. Good luck to you!

[peaceweb602]

Originally Posted by manicminer

That's ok for now if all your having is grandiose thinking.

If sinister, homicidal, suicidal, criminal thinking starts to occur like it does with me, then honestly meds are your best bet. they've kept me out of a jail cell and/or a casket many times

Why do you think criminal thoughts? I use to have a bit of criminal thinking, though not severe. I remember being extremely angry for being, what I felt to be, mistreated by others. I was so angry I wanted to take revenge, however, all of that disappeared when I found happiness and health from within.

[manicminer]

I have no clue why any of this stuff runs through my head. but it does, on repeat. any idea what it would be like to wake up everyday and have to remind yourself that taking your head off with the pistol in the nightstand isnt a good idea? really sucks

but ya just gotta grab life by the horns, hold on for dear life and hope ya dont get gored.

[peaceweb602]

Originally Posted by manicminer

I have no clue why any of this stuff runs through my head. but it does, on repeat. any idea what it would be like to wake up everyday and have to remind yourself that taking your head off with the pistol in the nightstand isnt a good idea? really sucks

but ya just gotta grab life by the horns, hold on for dear life and hope ya dont get gored.

it sounds like habits of negative thinking have occupied your mental space.
anything interests you? maybe you can try a different focus, something positive.

[manicminer]

Originally Posted by peaceweb602

it sounds like habits of negative thinking have occupied your mental space.
anything interests you? maybe you can try a different focus, something positive.

hunting is my saving grace and the season just started this weekend. too bad its been raining so much I can't go out. being in the woods levels me sooo well. cant wait to come down of this raging high i've been riding all summer.

[Detach]

Originally Posted by peaceweb602

I am very moody and do not understand nor can deal with stress very well. I am unstable.

This is not only grandiose or Bipolar thinking?....

Bipolar is a "mood" disorder that distorts thinking, sorry but you can't "think" your way out of it. If I'm manic for days on end I could say to myself "i'm going to calm down" and I could say this a hundred times but it doesn't mean it will work...it doesn't mean I can stop pacing, shopping, being irritable and/or yelling at people for being idiots.... If I could "think" my way out of it I would never take medications either.

[peaceweb602]

Originally Posted by dijmart

This is not only grandiose or Bipolar thinking?....

Bipolar is a "mood" disorder that distorts thinking, sorry but you can't "think" your way out of it. If I'm manic for days on end I could say to myself "i'm going to calm down" and I could say this a hundred times but it doesn't mean it will work...it doesn't mean I can stop pacing, shopping, being irritable and/or yelling at people for being idiots.... If I could "think" my way out of it I would never take medications either.

I'm probably not bipolar anymore. It's been awhile and I don't quite remember it.

Originally Posted by peaceweb602

I'm probably not bipolar anymore. It's been awhile and I don't quite remember it.

I'll start by saying that these are just my opinions, I am by no means a professional!

I don't think someone can just "not have Bipolar anymore". Perhaps what you meant to say was, you haven't experienced the symptoms in awhile? Either way, the way you are describing your symptoms leads me to think you don't have Bipolar. Either that, or a very mild form. Grandiose thinking does not equal Bipolar Disorder. And when I had my grandiose thinking during my manic episodes, I would never have even thought of coming to this site, to ask people who I assumed were "lower" than me, for help! So yours doesn't seem that bad.

Furthermore, you seem too quick to label yourself. Please know that other mental illnesses (such as Borderline, which I mentioned in my first post) can have quite a few of the same symptoms as Bipolar Disorder.

dijmart is right, we cannot "think" our way out of Bipolar symptoms when they are severe, which tends to be most of the time. Most of the time, medication is required. The few times I have tried beating this without meds ended up in hospitalizations.

[roads]

Dear peaceweb602,

I hope you will take the advice repeated often here to seek professional psychiatric advice. Being "found out" on the scale of sanity is not (I speak from my own experience) the worst thing that can happen to a person by a long shot.

I was 63 when a hospital stay during a depressive dive resulted in a surprising diagnosis of Bi-Polar II by a pdoc on the hospital staff. All my old docs started looking at me with new eyes. They decided I wasn't severely B-P () but I got new meds, some switch-outs, & now a couple years later I'm pretty content with the dx & the meds. I'm actually more in control than I've been most of the time. Not a single horrendous depressive episode, not one, in these 2 yrs. A few manic episodes, none severe or long.

So peaceweb602, maybe you never were bipolar, maybe it's something else, maybe there's a med that would give you whatever nature shorted you on (if nature did). As long as you find a pdoc & an mdoc & a tdoc all of whom you trust, you really do have a lot to gain by finding out.