...I might be sliding down into a depressive episode. I haven't felt right since Tuesday, no triggers, my mood has just been down and "numb". I went to school today and couldn't get any work done, my teacher knew something was wrong and we had a small chat about it.

I don't like the fact that it is obvious to others something is wrong. I generally pride myself in keeping a set face, not wearing my emotions on my sleeve. I didn't cry, but just the fact that he knew something was wrong bothers me.

My next psych appointment isn't until mid-November since I missed my last one...and I'm pretty sure my meds should be increased. But can I wait that long? I'm not sure. My therapist is still away from getting surgery and I don't know when she'll be back.

Things don't interest me anymore. I feel like I'm a lifeless body, just going through the motions. I don't like the feeling. My sister is coming over to stay for the weekend, I'm hoping being with her will help improve my mood a bit.

Any hugs would be greatly appreciated.

[onlymedid]

Hugs for you.
Can you call your doc and see if you can get in sooner? I hope spending time with your sister helps.
I know about trying to keep on your "game" face. It is really frustrating when people can see through it.

[Detach]

Can you move your Pdoc appt sooner or call to talk to Pdoc? I've had the "numb" feeling before for a few months when I had several miserable things going on.... My bro-in-law was dying, I hated my job at the time and was going thru bankruptcy... I thought well if I'm not crying I'm okay? (I was not dx BP at the time, so had no Pdoc or Tdoc). Anyway, No, not ok, not ok at all, I had a serious suicide attempt. At my first therapy appt after this my Tdoc said feeling numb is more dangerous sometimes then feeling down, because you're becoming detached from your emotions....at least that's what she said.

So be careful and get help if you need it, even if you have to go to the hospital!

[roads]

Originally Posted by melissa.recovering

...I might be sliding down into a depressive episode. I haven't felt right since Tuesday, no triggers, my mood has just been down and "numb". I went to school today and couldn't get any work done, my teacher knew something was wrong and we had a small chat about it.

....

Any hugs would be greatly appreciated.

Feeling numb isn't far from feeling nothing & as long as we're alive we ought to be feeling something even if it's lousy, so I think if you got hold of pdoc to report this you might get appt time moved up. Teacher noticing something wrong (know you don't go around showing your feelings) is a bad sign too. Think you ought to push, tell pdoc you seriously think meds need adjusting & that numb isn't feeling good to you at all.

Multitudinous hugs (((((((((Melissa.recovering)))))))))

((((((Melissa)))))) I was feeling very much like this the last few weeks, it was horrible. Nothing I did or tried to do helped me out. I would defiantly call your pdoc asap.. I know it's not a good place to be. I really hope you call and can get an app and get back on track.

[roads]

"defiantly call your pdoc asap"
Thank you, Anika. Just the right turn of phrase.
Melissa, as Anika would (and did) say, "defiantly call your pdoc asap"!
(((((((Melissa)))))))

[eskielover]

Definitely CALL YOUR PDOC. Without your T monitoring your feelings, you are being pretty much left to your own to sense how you are doing.......& it sounds like you are NOT DOING WELL.

If your teacher noticed something is going on with you & you are feeling the way you describe.....then you need to take the responsibility to make sure you tell your PDOC the seriousness of your situation. You need to take that responsibility for yourself & let your PDOC take on the responsibility of deciding what is the best thing to do given how you are feeling. If you say nothing to him, he's not going to know....it's important to communicate with your Pdoc so that he can provide the care he knows you need & sense you missed your last appointment....all that much more important for you to get in contact as that could have been the adjustment that you needed to keep you from feeling the way you are feeling now.

With BP, only you are truly aware of what's going on with yourself. It's a tough position to be in, but you are really your best caretaker, or at least you need to be & need to listen to what your body & emotions (or lack of emotions) is telling you & communicate that to your pdoc.

Take care of yourself