[AniManiac]

Hi all - another newbie checking in.

After 20 years with a depression dx and 10 with ADHD, I recently had 2 psychologists independently suggest that my symptoms are probably bipolar II (plus ADHD). I had to stop seeing my pdoc before getting an official dx, but I think she was hinting at it too.

I've been reading up on bipolar disorder and suddenly a lot more of my life makes sense. I have at least two depressive episodes every year lasting a couple of months (but not the same kind of major clinical depression I remember from when I was younger) and any time I travel across time zones (and I travel quite a lot) and/or my sleep gets disrupted, I start having hypomanic symptoms that can last 5-7 days before I crash.

I'm a little overwhelmed by trying to navigate the mental health system, and I have very few people I can talk to about this. My hubby is being marvelously supportive, and I'm mostly OK with this, except that I'm terrified that the career that I've worked extremely hard for over the last 7 years will evaporate before I can even get a job - and I just started my job search, which will probably last until at least April.

Hopefully soon I can get a tdoc lined up and then a pdoc for an official diagnosis, but I've been trying to make that happen for 11 months already. My health care provider won't write an rx now unless I go to therapy, so I'll probably end up resorting to a big group practice that I know isn't very good because I also know that they will take new patients without the run-around I've been getting from independent pdocs. It's not very encouraging, but it is what it is. In the meantime, I'm glad there are places like this - it helps to know that someone else really understands what I'm going through.

[Trippin2.0]

Welc0me to the forums! I'm sure you'll make friends quickly, we're a friendly bunch. Btw, I really like your screen name!

Welcome to PC

[Cnytroxy1973]

Welcome to PC AniManiac!!! I know that you will find helpful support and kindness here! Couldn't help but notice that you are from Central New York.... Me too!!!

[kykid]

Welcome to our world. I am sure that you will find, as have I, that everyone here is very friendly and will help in any way possible.

The most important first step is to establish a good working relationship with a competent psychiatrist and along with that, a good therapist.

Second, you, along with your doctor, need to find the right combination of meds to get you stabilized, to keep your symptoms under control. I have been on the same cocktail of meds for the past 7 years and they have kept my symptoms under control.

You can live a normal life with bipolar disorder. It just takes work and a good support system (sounds like your husband will fill this role). Don't give up.

By the way, most people with bipolar disorder are gifted in other ways, which are often very creative. The disease also made me much more compassionate, kind, and understanding with others (not a bad thing either).

welcome to PC AniManic, I am sure you will like here, and hopefully find what you are looking for.

Anika

[CruiseAustin]

Welcome to the forum. I'm pretty new here too. I also go to another site: about.com bipolar disorder. They have a chat site which is pretty nice.

I have been diagnosed with BP for 9 years. What I have learned is that being on the right meds and talk therapy is what helps. Getting a pdoc that has some experience with BP is important. It took several tries before I found my pdoc. He is very experienced in the medications available and what works. Everyone is different.

Good luck with getting your pdoc and talk therapy going.

Best regards,
Sharon

[~Christina]

Welcome ! I hope you can find the help here that I have !

Wishing you Peace and Love

[AniManiac]

Wow, thanks for the welcome, everyone! Much appreciated - nice to not feel so alone in this.

I'm a little wary of the bipolar meds because of the many nasty side effects. Just the idea of gaining even more weight makes me want to cry! The last pdoc suggested just staying on Wellbutrin for now because it's been helpful at managing symptoms for 10 years, but when I was seeing her I was at a more or less "normal" mood level. I kinda melt into a puddle of useless overemotional goo within 24 hours of stopping it, so I'm pretty consistent about taking meds. Many years ago when I was on a fairly high dose of Prozac it gave me auditory hallucinations and basically kicked off a long-lasting nasty hypo/manic (mixed?) episode. I know that's considered medication-induced, but I'm wondering if it means they'll give me a bipolar I dx instead of bipolar II?

I keep thinking, "OK, so I don't sleep more than 3 hours a night for a week at a time. But I know my body is tired, even if my brain just won't shut off, so that's not really hypomanic, is it?" But then I think, "I'm not getting more than 3 hours of sleep a night, I feel great, turn into a social butterfly, start having brilliant insights, and get more work done in a day than my peers do in a week. That's just not normal." I don't know which seemingly rational argument to believe, but I guess that's what tdocs are for!

[Detach]

Insomnia commonly is associated with Bipolar...I almost always have to take my meds to fall asleep and if I'm hypomanic or manic it's much worse. You also have to look at your other symptoms .... Sounds to me like you are hypomanic (I'm not a doc).

You really need a Pdoc to give you a dx and why your health care provider won't just let you see a Pdoc right off the bat is baffling to me. But I guess just play their game, see a Tdoc and hopefully soon after you can see a Pdoc.

As far as the meds, anyone who has Bipolar should be on a mood stabilizer and/or antipsychotics.... yes the weight gain sucks, but it's better then being full blown manic or depressed. I use to only get hypomania or depressed, however my past episode (do to stress and being out of balance) I became truly manic for the first time and it was nooooo fun what so ever, the good feelings of hypomania had left and I was irritable, confused, disoriented, forgetful, etc, etc ... Just awful! So bad I put myself in the hospital.

So, I learned I'm going to have to manage my stress better when I go back to work.... I have no choice, if I don't I will get sick...period.

Good Luck to you

[nacht]

Welcome, AniManiac. I'm new here too.

The thing to remember about side effects of any medicine is that not everyone experiences them. Also that everyone reacts differently - I know people who swear by Seroquel, but I can't function on it at a therapeutic level. Conversely Abilify was fantastic for me but I've met others who say they had horrible experiences with it. Psych meds are not an exact science, unfortunately, so it just takes time. If you have an adverse reaction to something, though, you'll know fast (like with the Prozac, I had something almost identical happen to me).

Also, if you exercise regularly and eat well, any weight gain you experience should be minimal, if it happens at all.

Good luck <3

[roads]

Originally Posted by AniManiac

Hi all - another newbie checking in.

After 20 years with a depression dx and 10 with ADHD, I recently had 2 psychologists independently suggest that my symptoms are probably bipolar II (plus ADHD). I had to stop seeing my pdoc before getting an official dx, but I think she was hinting at it too.

I've been reading up on bipolar disorder and suddenly a lot more of my life makes sense.

I really identify with your feeling that "suddenly a lot more of my life makes sense." Exactly the way I felt, when at 63 I heard that I wasn't clinically depressed, I was bi-polar. I knew in my guts they were right.

And I can understand how scary it must be when you're just trying to get your career up & going. What lousy timing. But who knows, god's truly got mysterious ways so look for unexpected windows & doors while you're about your job search

My life's certainly been amazing; not what I'd planned but infinitely better! Stay open, stay connected, & never, never, never give up. Everyone has a path. Persevere till you're on yours.

(((AniManiac)))

[AniManiac]

I finally got up the nerve to make the call. I have an intake appointment week after next for therapy. It's a big local agency that mostly just does therapy and not medication management, but hopefully that's an adequate starting place. It's been so enormously frustrating to try to find a service provider that can do what I need, is accepting patients, doesn't require a formal referral or existing dx, and is covered by insurance. Finding a pdoc that meets those requirements was basically impossible; according to someone at the university counseling center, this area has "issues" with supply and demand for mental health services.

I'm a little terrified of what will come next, but it will be a relief to have someone to talk to. There is just so much stuff swirling around in my head, making it impossible to think or function, and it keeps getting worse and worse. Even while I was waiting on hold for an appointment time, I thought about hanging up with that momentary delusional thought that "this will go away and everything will be OK." But as soon as the thought crossed my mind, I started tearing up because I know it's not going away, and that's why I was calling.

I don't know where I'm at with anything, except that it's not where I want to be. Everything is really unstable this month due to travel. I had a little hypomanic episode while traveling last week, and I have another round of travel next week (which will probably have a similar effect), so in between I just feel like I'm reeling, lost in a haze of trying to find some kind of equilibrium.

And this afternoon, I have a meeting with my supervisor, at which I have to say yet again that I've made no progress on much of anything. It makes me feel so rotten. I genuinely want to do my work, but sometimes I might as well be chasing my tail. I keep having the same problems, and no matter how hard I try, any strategy that seems to work is only a temporary solution. I just can't keep anything stable enough to really make any progress on the stuff that matters to me.

Sorry for the big emotional dump... Looks like my usual mid-October depressive episode may be kicking in.

[dragonfly2]

Welcome to PC.

I know exactly what you mean about the lack of services. I am in northern New England and we're in the same boat up here. I live 20 minutes away from a world-class medical center, but you can't get in to see anyone in psychiatry for an intake appointment for months. Sometimes the larger, community based mental health organizations are the way to go, just to get your foot in the door and get going on treatment. They may not have pdocs, but do they have nurse practitioners? Sometimes they can be useful too. Something else to try is calling your insurance company to see if they have any out of network coverage provisions for underserved areas. Sometimes if you are unable to find a doctor within a certain radius of your home (50 miles maybe?), the insurance will allow you to see someone out of network.

Therapy will be a big part of getting things under control. The time shifts with travel can be especially bothersome. Once you get settled in your treatment, ask your therapist or pdoc/np about using a portable light box when you travel and during our dark, northern winters. They cost about $100 and are reimbursable under flexible spending account laws with a prescription. At least they used to be when I got mine about 5 years ago.

Hang in there, and good luck today with your supervisor. It may take time to get things under control, but you're on the right track.