I'm ticked off!

I thought I was getting better... guess not! I've been at home trying to chill since I was sooo exhausted after being manic and my Tdoc said to rest, so that's what I've been doing. I've only been interacting with my sis on the phone and my son/husband at home, other than this site of course. And in the past 2 days have felt fairly normal in my mood.

However, my mother called yesterday and left a message so I thought this might be a good chance to practice what my Tdoc said to do with her on the phone. My mother monopolizes the entire phone conversation always and barely lets me speak, so my Tdoc said "Interrupt her and try to change the subject". So, I thought I'll give it a go today....hahaha....boy was I kiddin' myself and my Tdoc is nuts thinking that that would work, she doesn't know my mother!

So, it failed miserably. When I would interject whether I was commenting on what she was saying or trying to change the subject it didn't go well ..she just plowed over what I said or would say "I'm not finished!!!". I might add she has Bipolar and won't take meds or acknowledge her BP or mine for that matter. She had been hospitalized many times in her younger yrs and flat out says they're wrong. So, my BP is just a little to close to home for her I guess since it's hereditary, very hard for her to deny her illness now that she knows I have it. But she's selfish, selfish, selfish....I am so irritable after talking to her. I didn't need to be irritated, so I'm not going to call her for....I don't know how long!

And while I'm on a role a might as well ****** about my friend that hasn't called me one time since I came home from the hospital 3 weeks ago. What the hell is wrong with people? Well, again, she too has a history of being selfish, she's another one that monopolizes the conversation, maybe it's good she doesn't call she'd prob irritate me also... Honestly when I'm well I need to re-evaluate some of these people that just waste my time and energy, they are takers....not givers. Call me crazy (haha) but isn't a relationship suppose to be a two way street.... Damn idiots!!!!!!

Just hang up.

Yeah. Why put yourself through that? My mother is similar, unfortunately, but she is in denial of everything! She hasn't even been hospitalized so she thinks she's just hunky dory.

I agree with Ann on this one.

Does anyone have experience doing that... just hanging up I mean? If so, did the person call you back 50 times wondering what happened?

I've hung up on my boyfriend before when he pissed me off. He didn't call back, but he did text wondering what he'd done. I think it depends on the person.

I have a friend like this (yes, I think of her as a friend--a looong story), and what I do is tell her I can't deal with this or don't want to talk about this with her. If she keeps talking about it, I say, " I'm hanging up in...3 ....." she's still talking? "2...." she's still talking? "1...." she's still talking? "BYE!..."...bang.

She never gets mad. She never calls right back to complain. She never mentions my hanging up. I think she gets it. She doesn't get any better but ... I think she gets it.

LOL....thanks.

my mother sounds just like your mother. It's exhausting and hurtful. I haven't tried hanging up on her tho. I don't have the guts. And I am sure with her it would only start a feud.

I make my stove buzzer go off or ring my own doorbell with people like that. you could always try crinkling saran wrap into the speaker. If you want to try more honest approach i suggest oe of my favorite books " nonviolent communication"

It sucks the life out of me! But, like you, I try to keep the peace, don't tell her how absolutely annoying she is and I'll say again...selfish...ggrrr.

Love, love, love thoughs ideas.... Cause hey if dinners ready, then it's ready or hey if someones at the door, it is what it is! I might alternate between the two, then use saran wrap...hahaha

My friend still ticks me off, but I seriously can't wait for the day when I'm feeling "normal" and back to work, because I guarantee you she'll start calling again to unload her crap on me and I will blow her off so bad she won't know what hit her!

Dijmart, are we related? Sounds like my mother! Un-dx'd (nothing wrong with her thankyouverymuch!), but with obvious multiple issues. It was a long process, but I've had to pretty well cut her out of my life. (You might not to go that far of course, it's just what I had to do.) Enough problems as it is, you know? Moved thousands of miles away. Calls would come, visits about once a year. Each passing time I grew yet more distant and made it increasingly obvious I wasn't going to put up anymore with her b.s. or feign affection I did not feel. Her calls became less frequent. Visits (which were solely for the purpose of letting her visit her only grandchild) became completely unacceptable after my, "One week. Tops." prompted her to get plane tickets and call back to say she could "only" get tickets for a 3 week stay(!!!) Tickets not refundable. But of course... (I had to keep leaving the house or there would have been a homicide... )

On the phone, one time I cut her off abruptly with an exasperated, "Is there something I can DO about that?!" Only time it stopped her in her tracks. (Of course, it started right up again... ) I never call her and have not for years, with one exception. After getting divorced. Short, to the point, then "had to go".

I also totally recommend the "gotta go" (fake work, meeting, dinner, whatever) methods. Otherwise, she'd go on literally for hours. All by herself.

Never did much, but I did less and less of the talking over the years to the point of grunts and "huh"s. Like yours for not being able to get much in, but also because I was finally realizing that information was ammo. And I wasn't about to hand it over to her. (As you may have guessed, she does not know of my BP.)

Long and short, I personally found it easiest to do over a span of time, as she's totally thick in regards to such things. Eventually she got the message.

Innerzone,
Geee maybe we ARE related...LOL!
Yeah, I have cut my mom off for years before also, actually 3 times, but somehow she weasels back into my life. However, all those times was for bad drunken behavior- all of them phone calls saying horrible, ugly things to me. Example: shove your baby up your *ss- when I was pregnant.... Yeah, she's a real gem. Also, you are sooooo right, the whole time we "talk" I'm only able to say, uh-huh and oohh, that's about it. I'm disgusted with her, really I am.
Hate that other people have mom's like mine, but at least I'm not alone and others can relate.
Thanks

OMG dijmart! That's terrible!!!

I don't *think* that alcohol's a big issue with my mother, which is probably why I could get away with -- when she would visit-- putting a glass in her hand before she even had a chance to sit down. Mine too, I'll admit it, for everyone's sake(!) I feel so bad that you have to deal with that in addition to everything else.

She "behaves" herself better when others are around (which made phone calls particularly problematic), so when in person, I always tried to make sure to have that buffer in place. Her style is to carry on about everyone else in the universe. Nothing's ever her fault. She'd always be disapproving of anything about me, but saved her real rants for behind my back. (Luckily??) Hence, handing over no ammo. Fortunately, she's not been able to weasle back in (and doesn't know where I live, except which city), but it took pretty much a decade to accomplish.