[GladeGal]

So I found out last night that my mother had a stroke the day before and has been having mini ones for a year. She told me she was under medical care but it turns out it's just her nurse neighbor "keeping an eye" on her. She won't go to a real doctor because she doesn't believe in them(she's a homeopathic/holistic person which is fine for most things but a stroke?) and even after having been told by the nurse to rest and not work for a few days, she still wants to do some tomorrow with my help. I fought with my sister about not helping mom tomorrow because they are both not taking this situation seriously. They seem to think my mother is superwoman and nothing will kill her. The women in my family deal very poorly with stress... our bodies fail in various ways when we get overwhelmed. Stressing about my mother and fighting with my sister sent me spiraling into a mixed episode. I was raging angry one second and crying hysterically the next. I decided to not help tomorrow so my mother is forced to not work and I know I'm going to be the bad guy. They are going to guilt me to death and I just can't handle it. I have to step back from my family for myself again and it's not any easier this time than it was the first time. I'm the one who has taken care of everyone else since I was 15 years old. Why won't they let me just take care of myself??

[Detach]

I'm a nurse and I know a stroke can only be diagnosed by a doc and even then with the use of a CT or MRI scan....
Her nurse neighbor may think she has or had signs and symptoms of a stroke, however this could have been what's called TIA's- transient ischemic attacks, they do not cause any permanent damage, but can be a sign that blockage is somewhere and she needs eval by an MD either way. Sorry you have this dilemma with your family....

[AAAAA]

Do you know the old saying “you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make them drink”? I am sorry that your mother is not taking better care of herself. While she has her mind, she is able to make her own decisions about what medical care to seek. It is a difficult thing to accept but that is the way it is. You love her, but these are her decisions to make. You can talk to her calmly and explain how much it hurts you that she is not taking care of herself, but ultimately it is her decision.

I know that this is stressful for you, but what is your worrying and fighting doing? It is making you miserable and you are not enjoying the time you have left with her, whether it is 20 minutes or 20 years. Who knows what tomorrow will bring? Make the most of today.

On your end, do exercise some selfcare. Set boundaries and stick to them.

[roads]

Hey, GladeGal, parents can drive us to our graves if we let them. Some really would become our children except that we can't make them do anything.

The two members ahead of me give sage advice. I concur. dijmart I've been following for a while & have had a chance to put some of that wise thought to use; AAAAA is a new mentor I'll be watching. I really hope you can find some peace, let your mom make her decisions & accept them, let her go with love & self-forgiveness, & bring self care to your own life. You deserve it. It's time.

Let the rest of your family live their lives as they choose to live them. You are all separate adults now--you neither owe each other, nor own each other. You are free to love each other though, freely, without bonds.

Bless you. And bless your mom. Bless all moms. I think they do their best, even when that's not so good...

[ohlala]

Family relative just found she has breast cancer and is refusing any type of treatment or medical intervention. She believes "God" will heal her. IMO there is nothing you can do to change a person's mind when it is made up about the treatment they choose (or not). You'll just end up frustrating yourself and making yourself ill. Short of having her declared legally incompetent and unable to make her own decisions it is what it is. My heart goes out to you and your Mom.