[Trippin2.0]

In the yr 2000, a close friend of mine and myself found ourselves inlove with one an0ther. We didn't act on our feelings as it was improper as he was dating a friend of mine. We graduated HS with our friendship intact,and lots of repressed emoti0ns. He went sailing for a few years,i had a daughter ( we kept intouch via FB ) fast forward to 2009, he came h0me to dry land, he wanted to c0me visit, we ended up kissing in a n0t so platonic fashion. We discussed our feelings and discovered we never got over one an0ther. Then the drama startd. I was HEAVILY unstable,em0ti0nally and mentally ( just before my dx) and didn't want to involve him. He had decided he was a sucky bf, and didn't want to cheat on me. I kn0w i kn0w, a cop out. But he's been 1 of my closest friends for so long, protected me through out HS, I trusted him and still do... It's been 2yrs that we've been seeing eachother UN0FFICIALLY, he plays the part of bf BRILLIANTLY, but refuses the label. And i've c0me to the realizati0n that i want m0re,need m0re. Even if it means losing him. I sent him texts about how i cann0t and will n0t carry on our relati0nship only to hand him over to s0me other lady when he's ready to settle down. And in classic Rowan style, he didn't reply. So i guess this is go0dbye for go0d, and it makes me sad... Part of me wants to hold on regardless of the price,but the rest of me kn0ws it's time to grow up. I need to set a go0d example for my daughter, and if i intend to have a husband and a family of my own, i can't waste my pretty on s0meone who ultimately doesn't want it. I just need some hugs and reassurance. Part of me wants to rather die than be without him. He's my soulmate :'(

[Detach]

((((trippin)))))

That sounds very difficult. Kinda like he wants friends with benefits?... I think taking a while to get some clarity on both your parts sounds like a good idea. Also, if you know you can no longer be just friends, because you want more, then no sense dragging it out...

[roads]

Dear Trippin2.0,
First, hugs.
I've been there, sister mine.
But the story is different, even if the cast is the same.
My soulmate went to war. Swore he'd be home when the baby came but couldn't resist the addiction of those sorties. I had the baby okay without him (mad as hell).
He was lost out there somewhere. Never came back from that war.
The moral is: Even soul mates aren't guaranteed forever together.

Having had a soulmate is more than most people are blessed with. Rather than feeling the emptiness, can you recall any of that comforting glow that a soulmate brings to life?

I know it's not much. It's sure not a hug. But people can always vanish in an instant. We have to have more to keep us going than one person's physical presence, or we're never very far from trouble.

Hugs, as real as I can make them. I do so feel for you.

(((((Trippin))))) I am so sorry, that's such a tough place to be. Just follow what your insides are telling you, things will get easier.

[Trippin2.0]

Thanks for the hugs, comfort and kind words...

[likewater]

Hugs to you. Sorry. This guy sounds like he' s a little on the selfish side. May you surround yourself with some kinder people.

[BlackPup]

You can get through this... it will get better...

[alwaysrejoice]

(((((Trippin)))))

Someone better will come along, i wish you are your daughter all the best.

[Trippin2.0]

I kn0w exactly who and what he is. Doesn't make me love him any less...
Thanks for the hugs guys i really need it.

[stan0212]

Often, words fail me.
Here's another hug for you.
(((HUG)))

[Trippin2.0]

Thanks Stan, appreciated.

[Tsunamisurfer]

(((((Trippin)))))

[Trippin2.0]

Awww pete. Thanks a mil...

Trippin'! It's hard when your logic knows and your heart and emotions won't listen. Try to re-inforce your logic (yeah, I know...). For me, when it's just in my head, it goes around and around (and around and around...). The other day, I had an idea. Wasn't sure if it was a good one or one that would make trouble for me. So... wrote a post about it (in email, never posted it). Spent all day editing. By the time it was done, it'd been whittled down to the real essentials. Read it. The answer was then obvious, so I didn't need to post it. It really helped to write it out, then bring it down to bare bones with no "but this" "but that". Made me feel confident in the decision. I surely don't need any more pain, let alone to bring it on myself.

(I've never had success with pro/con lists. Though this is kind of a form of it, it's one that works better. For me anyway. Just an idea.)

Hope you are feeling better...

[Trippin2.0]

Thanks IZ, I'll be okay, just have to make peace with reality and stay logical. Eek

[Trippin2.0]

Been trying to be go0d sport about his silence. Instead i'm silently seething. I kn0w he's g0nna call and pretend like n0thing happened,im just so scared i take him back under his terms. Argh I'm FURIOUS!