[odie1979]

I think I might be having delusions or obsessions. Sometimes I think my girlfriend is cheating on me or is dishonest or manipulative. I've been through these before and they were a reality.

I'll start with a thought about a conversation we've had about the past or present. I end up wanting to prove that she is faithful and check text messages, contact exs check phone bills, etc. I can't stop my mind from straying when it does and acting upon it. I have not have this type of reaction to any other gf before but I have thought people are trying to trick me or are lying to me when they might not be.

I might think she's sex texting guys while at work or on the phone with them. No one knows I think these thoughts. Normally what happens when I check something is I'm not able to pay attention to actual details and find myself accusing her of this or that without the factual evidence to support it. When my mind is clear I can go back to this and see what mistake I made and also see how my thought was wrong to begin with. Is this an obsessive delusion or a physcotic one?

Every few weeks this cycle starts again and it's getting worse. The last time I asked her not to come home until she told me the truth (which she was). When I get an answer from an ex (because I contacted him for example when our relationship was 6 months old, and once asking if they had sex; she said they didn't but because she answered two times 'We didn't have sex and We did not have sex' and his answer via text was 'We ABSOLUTELY DID NOT have sex') I had a problem with it and asked more questions to which I was not ever satisfied completely. I've been taught that convincing rather than conveying is a sign of deception along with not using contractions. Think of Clinton saying he did not have sexual relations with that woman, for example. Anyway I stick on these two points of the ex trying to convince with caps and a non contraction and her using one contraction and one without. But there's a lot of reasons she isn't lying, the phone records come out as she says, the guy texted me before texting her which is what she said. She said he contacted her to let her know I contacted him [I knew this was going to happen ahead of time before doing it but took the risk anyway because I've been burned badly before]

At the time I thought they are plotting against me as if they called each other or planned the answer I was going to get. They didn't plan, it's clearly in the phone records. It's possible they sent texts to each other over the internet but my gf generally tells me when a guy contacts her even though it makes her quiver now because she knows the kind of reactions I'm having.

I'm totally torn between trusting my instinct of somethings up and somethings wrong with me. I don't know what to believe anymore. And as you can see no matter how much information I do get I find a way to disbelieve or prove the facts I do have before me aren't adequate to make a decision.

I've been diagnosed Bipolar II which now I think might actually be Bipolar I. I haven't noticed any delusions previously but now I suddenly notice it may be occurring.

Any input welcome. I notice myself pacing badly today and know I'm at least at the hypo point and entering wits end!

[Confusedinomicon]

I think they are delusions. I used to believe my boyfriend was cheating on me, that he hated me, that there was something wrong between us all the time.

It tends to get worse and worse if you don't do anything about it, and the suspicion will become even more real until you completely believe that she is doing xxxx. Changing up my medication has made it better though.

I'm generally not plagued by those thoughts as much.

[Sheba976]

Woah! You sound like me! Your going to drive your girlfriend away. I almost drove my boyfriend away by doing these sorts of things. I have worked on this a lot in therapy. I really have no reason to mistrust my boyfriend other than he has a lot of female friends. I don't even think he is cheating, I assume that he's talking to these old friends who will convince him that I'm not good enough for him or he will find some girl whose trying to steal him from me. Or I assume he had a relationship with them that was more than just friends and they are trying to get him back. When I get these thoughts (it's usually if he's away or acting weird)I start checking his emails and phone records. My therapist describes it as my way for trying to "validate" my negative thoughts and reactions. So you'll pick out every last detail and turn it around to fit your assumed thoughts. Last month, he was as interested in sex. So I began thinking that something must be going on.I went and logged on to his facebook, email, and verizon bill. I saw that he was on the phone with a strange number for 64 minutes and he NEVER talks on the phone that long. I tied it to a time that was right after I left to take my kids to swim class so he knew I would be gone for at least 2 hours. I immediately freaked out! Do you see a similar pattern between the two of us here? You ultimately will lose her, if you don't work on this. Your stressing yourself and her. I did these things to my bf so often, he was ready to leave. I asked him to change all his passwords to everything so I can't get into them. He has gone to therapy with me a few times and I feel our relationship is getting stronger. We talk a lot more about my negative feelings and I feel now that I can go to him when I am having these feelings. He has since put a lot more effort into making me feel secure and loved. Please take these words of advice and think about them. Everytime I have freaking out over his supposed mis-deeds, they always turned out to be over nothing. I know I am female but you may need more reassurance from your girlfriend about your relationship and that is ultimately what your seeking with this behavior.

[Sheba976]

I do feel for you. Your torturing yourself. I've done it to myself so many times. It's a negative thought pattern that can consume you. You need to be open with her about this. She must be understanding if she has stuck through this with you. Please talk to her so she can understand what's going on in your head and maybe help you through it. It's a problem that will occur with any relationship you have. I had guys lie and cheat and I was always able to catch them by checking emails and phones. In two years, my boyfriend has never lied to me once and I've tried to catch him doing "something" at least 20 times, maybe more. I hope you can get past this.

[odie1979]

Thanks for all the wonderful input. The goal here is to find out what's going on. I'm back in therapy but have been seening my physciatrist regularly. I let him know right away what was going on. I have been taking 1000 mg Depakote and he bumped me up to 1250 mg. I have an appointment with him on Tuesday morning.

The thoughts do drive me mad and then my gf mad when I question her or doubt her. What I'm interested in as there are two parts of morbid jealousy is if I'm the obessive type or physcotic type. I'm thinking it is the physcotic type because when in it I seem certain that there's something going on.

I also have a hard time with my sex life because of the Depakote and are afraid if I take an antiphsycotic it will make it worse.

I do have the most wonderful girlfriend in the world for trying to understand and stick it out and I think there's a sigh of relief that we are starting to know what is going on. Admitting something is not real that you've counted on being real is very difficult.

My gf doesn't know all the details so I need to talk more about it with her.

[Sheba976]

It sounds like your on the path to making things better. Talking to her and going to therapy occasionally together may be a great idea. She sounds like a great girl who is willing to help you through this problem. Just remember all the great things she has done for you when you start to doubt her. Good luck!

[Anneinside]

I don't believe antipsychotics have sexual side effects.