[nacht]

Well, they want to go out to a restaurant for a late birthday lunch with me and the boyfriend. Which is nice of them and I appreciate it. I'm just not really looking forward to the visit. They'll ask how I'm doing and I'll probably tell them I'm fine because it's what they want to hear. They don't want to hear about how tired I've been, or that I feel numb most of the time, or that I have nothing going on because I don't do anything and don't want to do anything, or that I haven't left my house on my own in weeks. It makes them uncomfortable to talk about it so they won't do it. They'll just change the subject to something safe like the weather or my sister's kids or their dogs, or whatever.

I especially don't want to deal with my mother. She claims that my problems all stem from some "curse" she thinks I'm under. (She is a big reason it took me years to even try getting help.) We get along fine for a couple of days before the fur starts to fly, so I don't really have an excuse not to visit... they just really stress me out. So most of the time I just make excuses not to visit. But it's my birthday and I already said I had free time, so I really don't have an excuse not to go.

At least my boyfriend will be there and they like him, but still. I'm losing sleep over a visit to my parents' house. How sad is that?

I am totally whining, I know. I'm sorry. I just needed to put this out somewhere so I can go to bed and not lay around thinking about it.

[ItsmeTC8888]

Originally Posted by nacht

Well, they want to go out to a restaurant for a late birthday lunch with me and the boyfriend. Which is nice of them and I appreciate it. I'm just not really looking forward to the visit. They'll ask how I'm doing and I'll probably tell them I'm fine because it's what they want to hear. They don't want to hear about how tired I've been, or that I feel numb most of the time, or that I have nothing going on because I don't do anything and don't want to do anything, or that I haven't left my house on my own in weeks. It makes them uncomfortable to talk about it so they won't do it. They'll just change the subject to something safe like the weather or my sister's kids or their dogs, or whatever.

I especially don't want to deal with my mother. She claims that my problems all stem from some "curse" she thinks I'm under. (She is a big reason it took me years to even try getting help.) We get along fine for a couple of days before the fur starts to fly, so I don't really have an excuse not to visit... they just really stress me out. So most of the time I just make excuses not to visit. But it's my birthday and I already said I had free time, so I really don't have an excuse not to go.

At least my boyfriend will be there and they like him, but still. I'm losing sleep over a visit to my parents' house. How sad is that?

I am totally whining, I know. I'm sorry. I just needed to put this out somewhere so I can go to bed and not lay around thinking about it.

I hear you! Its so hard for me to talk to people because I have nothing good to say. I have a tendency to isolate myself. I do the same thing. I plan ahead with some safe things to talk about. It makes me angry that I can't really share how I feel, but at the same time I get tired of hearing myself when I don't have anything positive to say to myself so I guess I kind of understand. I don't have advice but I can identify. Hang in there We are hear to listen to the truth!

Thanks for your post because I felt like to only one who does that. Not that misery loves company. I just know that it the mental condition not me as a person.

[nacht]

That's a lot of it. I don't know what to say, especially when I don't have anything positive to say and that just makes it worse. Thanks for the listen, it's much appreciated.

[~Christina]

I wish you the best of luck .. I so understand the difficulty to find " good things to talk about " its exhausting and honestly a pain in the *****... I most bipolar people deal with this problem ,, I know i certainly do ...

Try and have a good time and hopefully your boyfriend can keep the conversation going and you can just kinda chime in occassionally and just maybe look forward to eating food you didnt have to cook or clean up the mess hahaha ,,( ive done that before and its gotten me thru )

Good luck and wishing you peace , love and the strenght to get thru this outing <3

[manicminer]

My parents stress the heck out of me too (bad before dx'd, even worse now). That's why I took a pay cut to get a summer job up at college for the sole reason I wouldnt have to go home for the summer. So I havent lived with them for except summers for 6-7 years now and life has been so much easier.

I still humor my mother though. She worries herself sick (literally) about me, so I call home every Sunday because that's all she asks from me (and my 2 brothers). I guess raising 3 boys that come from a long line of sinners like me will make any woman a little batty.

Just remember, no matter how old you are, you are still their baby girl and you always will be. So no matter how they choose to express it (even if it seems negative to you) they love you unconditionally and just want the best for you

[nacht]

Thanks everyone.

Things went alright, I remembered that my mother went on a cruise a few weeks ago so I just talked to her about that while my boyfriend and father discussed politics. It was still tiring, but not as stressful as visits with them usually are. I hope one day I can at least feel comfortable telling them more than just "I'm fine", but it will take time.

[manicminer]

Great job nacht!

[roads]

Originally Posted by nacht

I remembered that my mother went on a cruise a few weeks ago so I just talked to her about that
....
I hope one day I can at least feel comfortable telling them more than just "I'm fine", but it will take time.

Good for you for remembering the cruise & focusing on that! It probably gave you a fair amount to talk about. I know how much it would help to be able to have a real heart-to-heart with your mom--I never could with mine either, about anything really emotional.

I do hope for you (& for your mom) that one day you'll be able to have that conversation, tho. In the meantime, you got thru this encounter!

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by manicminer

My parents stress the heck out of me too (bad before dx'd, even worse now). That's why I took a pay cut to get a summer job up at college for the sole reason I wouldnt have to go home for the summer. So I havent lived with them for except summers for 6-7 years now and life has been so much easier.

I still humor my mother though. She worries herself sick (literally) about me, so I call home every Sunday because that's all she asks from me (and my 2 brothers). I guess raising 3 boys that come from a long line of sinners like me will make any woman a little batty.

Just remember, no matter how old you are, you are still their baby girl and you always will be. So no matter how they choose to express it (even if it seems negative to you) they love you unconditionally and just want the best for you

I have two boys and a girl. This is SOOO true. I love my kids more than anybody else on this planet.