[Seaswept]

Since I've been "diagnosed", my family (I'm married with 3 teenagers) treats me like I'm nuts- they are always asking me if I'm "okay" and sometimes give me a weird looks when they ask, its in they way they ask too they way it is said.

If I'm happy they think something is wrong. God forbid I am ever happy. Not MANIC just happy....is there such a thing anymore?? I use to be "me" and what I knew as normal.

I feel fine right now but am still treated like a "special case". I feel like I am owned, can not even be my own person.
I think my family would feel better if I just stayed at a low-level depression for the rest of my life, that way they would not have to worry about me or deal with me.

[greylove]

Oh.......I can identify with this! I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 late in life, just about two years ago. I went through mania that lasted for months, then major depression that led to a bad outcome. When I was finally put on effective meds, each time I smiled, family and even therapist watched me like a bug under a microscope. I remember thinking I'll never be allowed to be "normal" again.

[roads]

Ouch! That's bad.

Sounds like you're much better, but now the family needs therapy.

That happens, though, if they haven't been "brought along" in the recovery with you & their basic knowledge of bipolar comes from celebrity news. They really may not know diddlysquat & so feel that they don't know you anymore.

Or I'm reading all this wrong. What do you think? Are they fully in the know?

[alwaysrejoice]

It is uncomfortable, but they care. My family seems to be more concerned about how my illness will effect them, my husband even tried to convince me my illness is harder on him than it is on me. Either way, we have people that do love us. Those who are not mentally ill will never comprehend it. It does cause them stress. Seems like they all react to it in different ways.

[Secretum]

You're definitely not alone, Seaswept. I personally do not have that problem (yet). If anything, I have the opposite problem; my family has a hard time accepting that I'm bipolar, and questions my decision to get treatment and take meds.

*sigh* Why is it so easy for people to forget that no one knows us better than ourselves? And alwaysrejoice, I'm sorry about your husband's ignorance. It really makes me angry when I hear things like that...

[Sheba976]

It can be difficult to get better if you have this feeling. I would think that they do care about you if they are asking. I think it may be the bipolar talking to assume they are more concerned with how your disease affects them. I always had this feeling that my relationship with my boyfriend was always on "probation" . I would worry that my next "episode" would put him over the edge and he would leave me. This happened because he had threatened to leave prior when we were fighting. He's like any other person, he gets frustrated, our mood episodes take a lot out of us and the people around us too. I am fortunate that he is a Physician Assistant and has an understanding of mental health issues. With time, hopefully everyone will realize that your "ok" and doing better.

[dragonfly2]

My husband tends to do the same thing to me, but it has gotten better over the years. Just looking back through your last month or so of posts, it looks like you and your family have been through a lot lately. It's sort of a double-edged sword: our families are often taught to watch for certain warning signs of an impending episode, but that often breeds hypervigilance, which can really be a problem for us. We are allowed a normal range of emotions and moods, and even the occasional bad day like everyone else. It's when those bad days become numerous and consecutive and our moods cross the line into the extremes that emotion becomes illness.

Somehow you need to sit down with your family and develop some concrete parameters. Is there a certain number of hours of sleep that is significant? For example, if you have two or more nights with less than 4-5 hours of sleep...that might be a warning sign. Or do you tend to drink or smoke when not feeling well? If you have a glass of wine with dinner, that might not be a big deal. But if you're having two or three glasses of wine, for three nights straight, that might be of concern. Sometimes having something quantifiable and less subjective can help everyone understand when they need to be concerned.

Also remember that sometimes a lack of insight is part of the illness. I can certainly tell when I'm depressed, but when I'm starting to get manic, I feel great! Having someone tell me I'm getting sick when I feel like I'm on top of the world seems ridiculous to me then. But, you know, they may be right. But I can't see it. So, on some level, we need to be able to trust our loved ones to watch out for us, but it is also helpful if they can come to us and say, "hey, you've only slept 5 hours in the last two days..." - that kind of a fact cannot be disputed, but we need to be open to hearing it. Everyone's parameters are different, and it's something that needs to be written down and discussed when you're feeling well for it to be useful.

Above all, this isn't an exact science. It's full of grey areas and subjectivity. But the more we can define our patterns, the easier it will be for our families to help us stay well and for everyone to feel more at ease with our normal moods.

[Seaswept]

Thank you everyone for your input.

I do realize my family cares for me and am lucky that way. I just get frustrated sometimes.
I'm trying to really watch what I say and when I say it since teenagers are so touchy. That's been helping a little bit.

I talked with my husband about my feelings and he was understanding so I'm hoping things will go better.

One problem- teenage son home from college for rest of semester, wants to do what he wants when he wants, its what he's used to.

Sorry buddy have to go by my rules if you want to live in my home!

[heyitsryan]

Yeah, that's the thing about mental illness versus physical illness. You would never tell someone they had stomach pains or a headache.

Seaswept, I'm glad you could talk to him and get some understanding. I feel the same alot. My bf is always on the lookout for me, not just bipolar. But truth is when I am manic I need him to be my eyes, I cannot tell when I am getting ill.

Now how to deal with that son of yours.... I have no idea