struggling

Hi everyone. I don't usually ask for this, but I could use some hugs and such right now. I am stuck in a depression, but my pdoc has noticed enough of an improvement on my current meds that he doesn't want to change anything.
I don't disagree with that, but it doesn't help how I feel.
Therapy is going slowly since I had to switch therapists. The new one likes to take things at a slow pace. Fine with me.
Doesn't help how I'm feeling.
I'm just so sad and lacking energy. You all know what I'm talking about.
So hard to get out of bed every day much less go to work and school and etcetera.
I was kind of disappointed that pdoc didn't want to mess with the meds, I had kind of hoped he still had a magic pill. I'm learning that one does not exist. That's got me bummed out too.
Oh, well.. Thanks for listening/reading me.
Hugs.

Lady, I am so sorry you are struggling. Here is a GIGANTIC SQUISHY ((((HUG)))) for you.

One of my old pdocs told me that he wants there to be one pill to help BP disorder in his lifetime, but right now, there just isn't one.

Wouldn't it be awesome to just have to take one pill for BP instead of having to be on a cocktail of meds.

Are you on an antidepressant?

Thanks for the hugs.
I take Effexor XR 900mg/day
Lithium, 1200 mg/day
Latuda, 40 mg/day (atypical antipsychotic)
Klonipin, 2 mg/day
Depakote, 1500 mg/day

When a friend of mine is experiencing depression, she takes another small dose of Effexor. I am not encouraging you to do so, just telling you what she does.

Don't do anything without the approval of your pdoc.

I really hope you feel better soon. Are you on the highest dose of Effexor?

sending lot of positive energy your way. i'm sorry you are having such a hard time.

GIGANTIC bear hugs to you LJ. Hope you feel better soon,you deserve some (or rather LOTS of) joy... XOXO

Heya fwwwwiend. *rib breaking hug*

Is there something stressing you atm? It seems to be retarded time all around.

Yeah. A bunch of things on my mind. Doesn't help. I'm trying all my CBT training and stress-relief stuff, but it seems to not be working so well right now.

((lady)) I'm sorry that you feel so awful. It'll be really difficult, but could you try to get more exercise? If your depression is seasonal, you could go for a walk outside and be exposed to a little more sunlight. I really hope that you feel better soon. When it gets really tough, remember that this disease is characterized by cycling. You won't be depressed forever, no matter what the depression tries to tell you!

It's getting harder. The sui thoughts are creeping back in but I don't want to tell anyone because I can't go to the hospital right now. It's finals week next week. No time. Trying to push through this. The problem with cyclical is that I know once the depression is gone, it's coming back. This makes it harder for me to want to stick around and keep taking it on the chin.
There are stressors right now and some triggers, but nothing I shouldn't be able to handle. Life is good enough, sometimes even great. But I still feel this way. I exercise, try to eat right, take vitamins and supplements....I've tried it all.
Sometimes I wish I'd thrown in the towel six months ago when I had the chance.

Would it help to make some plans for after finals? Like going out with friends (not to party, but you know, something fun) or taking a little daytrip to someplace you enjoy, or indulging in some small (healthy) reward?

I know it's tough to get through finals when you feel awful, though most of the time I was manic for finals because I hadn't been sleeping. And while most students are fixated on the break afterwards, it can be hard to see that as a "light at the end of the tunnel." Still - is there anything to look forward to over the break? I know I do a lot better when I create rewards for myself and make plans for things I know I'll enjoy, even if I don't want to do them at the time because it usually ends up fun even if it's hard to convince myself to do it.

Hang in there - and if you need help, don't worry about your finals, go to the ER. If you do, make sure you or your parents/spouse/responsible party let someone at school know (usually the dean or someone who manages student affairs) and you should be granted an incomplete and the opportunity to make up your exams later when you're doing better. I have taken several incompletes in my time, and it's really not a big deal. There's a reason that option is available - and if you need it, do not hesitate to take it!

Lots of sssssssssss ladyjrnlist! Know that you are in my thoughts...

(((*hugs galore ladyjrnlist*)))

I've been in my worst-ever depression, went on vacation to my "favorite place in the whole world." Everything went perfectly. Incredible experiences. All plans worked out. Couldn't have been better.

I got more depressed.

I thought I could just drive fast into a canyon. No one would find me for a long time in that wilderness. But I have obligations, so I came home.

Pdoc has me on new meds. I have a twinkling of a glimpse of a hope today that we may have a break thru.

There's alway's hope that the right doc will come up with the right answer. Most of the time they do, if we can find our right doctor. I hope we both can hang around for that, even when the meds just need tweaking. Everyone else too.

Wish they'd hurry up with those answers, though....

Roadrunner