[learningtoaccept]

This is going on at least a few weeks and I wish it would just stop. I just started a higher dosage of Tegretol, so we'll see how I feel but I am just not getting instant relief and I wish I could. The sedation was at least helping but I am not getting that side effect much anymore. I am just sick of how I feel. I am JUST admitting to myself that I have bipolar, after my diagnosis that was 4 years ago. And realizing I am manic, and noticing exactly how it feels and that it won't just go away, is horrible. I just want to feel normal. I don't want to have bipolar disorder. Everyone else in my family has depression and can just take and antidepressant and bam - they feel better. I wouldn't dare take an antidepressant unless I want to starve, never sleep, and feel high all the time. I really just want to feel relief. I want to come "down" and get my moods under control. Not only am I trying to come to terms with my disorder but I am doubting my relationship more and more every day. I don't know if I am REALLY doubting it or if I am just so out of it that I don't know what I want anymore. Other than wanting to feel normal....

[Tosspot]

((learnigtoaccept)) have things gotten any better? ...or worse?

[TRNRMOM]

Originally Posted by learningtoaccept

This is going on at least a few weeks and I wish it would just stop. I just started a higher dosage of Tegretol, so we'll see how I feel but I am just not getting instant relief and I wish I could. The sedation was at least helping but I am not getting that side effect much anymore. I am just sick of how I feel. I am JUST admitting to myself that I have bipolar, after my diagnosis that was 4 years ago. And realizing I am manic, and noticing exactly how it feels and that it won't just go away, is horrible. I just want to feel normal. I don't want to have bipolar disorder. Everyone else in my family has depression and can just take and antidepressant and bam - they feel better. I wouldn't dare take an antidepressant unless I want to starve, never sleep, and feel high all the time. I really just want to feel relief. I want to come "down" and get my moods under control. Not only am I trying to come to terms with my disorder but I am doubting my relationship more and more every day. I don't know if I am REALLY doubting it or if I am just so out of it that I don't know what I want anymore. Other than wanting to feel normal....

have been manic for more than 35 years. been on lithium all this time and recently on klonopin for anxiety. for me, as a female, with everything i've read and heard from some great shrinks, this disease progresses with age. most of the time i am stable but recently packing and purging for a downsize has caused me to be more manic, anxious, obsessive, and losing sleep. and i also find i am so negative, question everything, and do not feel like i can rely on myself for answers and decisions...yet when stable, i am very good at not questioning, not doubting, not fearing, and dealing with what-ifs. this upcoming move has moved me from essentially hypomanic all my life, to manic and i am going thru exactly what you are. nothing and no one seems stable in our lives. i do not have answers for you but i can certainly empathasize. my hubby's usual patience and understanding are now worn thin and i feel so incapable and unworthy. i think it's all part of the disease and until we stabilize and get the right med adjustment, the insanity continues. i wish you well.