[rizoo]

Hi All..

I'm new to the group. I'm hoping that someone can give me a glimmer of hope for my failing relationship.

I've recently been diagnosed with Bipolar II after been treated for Clinical Depression for the last 13 years. I was alerted to the possibility of being bipolar after my partner of 7 months constantly complained that being with me felt like being on a " rollercoaster" ride. My emotions have varied from being completely happy to intense feelings of sadness and ending up in fits of uncontrollable weeping within a few minutes. I've always just put it down to being a part of my personality and being overly sensitive. I've had numerous failed relationships because of my mood instability...but have never seen the magnitude of my instability until my current relationship.

I'm terrified that my relationship is going to end because my partner finds it very difficult to cope with my irrationality and intense mood swings. I feel terrible for the way my behaviour is affecting him and i feel that i need to "walk away" from the relationship as i am making him miserable. At the same time, i love him dearly and i'm finding it really hard to end the relationship. He is miserable and feels that he is giving the relationship "one last chance".

If anyone out there is in a similar situation or has been in one, please give me some advice on how to cope with this. I'm really struggling. My self esteem has hit rock bottom and in turn it is adding further insecurities to an already existing complicated relationship. Also, if anyone knows of any helpful books (not too long or unecessary jargon) that my partner could read in order to be able to understand me a little better.

I'm feeling really depressed and desperate right now. Anything would be helpful.

Thanks

[dragonfly2]

Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder

http://www.amazon.com/Loving-Someone...8243353&sr=8-1

Although I haven't read this one, I have heard good things about it. One of the authors has bipolar disorder and the other one is a clinician, so you get both sides.

I think education is a key element of any relationship working within the context of bipolar disorder. Even though "we are not our illness", it can feel like it makes up a large part of our identity and personality. When that gets out of whack, or is ultimately termed "pathological", it can be hard to cope with. Remember too, that you are also on a learning curve. Now that you have your new diagnosis, you will likely need to adjust your lifestyle to accommodate it and find balance. Your boyfriend needs to decide whether or not he is willing to take this journey with you. Just be sure to let him know that the mood swings are treatable, and that you can be well again.

[Cole Thornton]

Dragonfly2 gave some good advise. That is a good book and helped me to understand my wife's BPD.

Your significant other will have to understand that BPD is not curable and that if he stays with you, he has to learn how to deal with BPD. It can be as difficult for a spouse/significant other as it is for the one diagnosed, and it is critical for him to go to some counceling with you.

We bought our son (also BPD) the children's book Brandon and the Bipolar Bear. I got more out of that than anything else I have read!

[William Werner]

I agree with Cole. It will make it extremely easier if your significant other is involved in the treatment process. It makes a world of diffirence when they understand what is going on and learn how to deal and help you deal with the day-to-day challenges of being bipolar.

[blueoctober]

Welcome Rizoo. I'm not sure how long ago you were diagnosed, but it can take time for the meds to get to a therapeutic level. Every relationship has issues whether a person has BP or not. The issues may be different, but no relationship or person is perfect. I would suggest couples and individual counseling. I would also suggest educating yourself on the illness, so you can answer any questions/concerns your S/O has. The book in my signature is written for family/friends etc., it's excellent. I read the book dragonfly suggested and the one in my sig is more current (written in 2010) and well written.

I'm glad you received the correct diagnosis, so you can be on track to find the right meds. There isn't a cure for BP, but it can be managed. I did this list up for someone else that was newly diagnosed. I hope it helps.

·Take meds as prescribed.

·Educate yourself on the illness.

·Be honest with your psychiatrist, GP, therapist etc.

·Get regular sleep, if you can't sleep ask for a prescription for sleep to be taken regularly or as needed.

·Eat properly i.e. avoid excessive caffeine, junk food etc.

·Avoid alcohol.

·Avoid non-prescription drugs and/or drugs not prescribed to you.
·Exercise regularly.

·Set a routine for yourself i.e. getting up at the same time, going to sleep at the same time.

·Surround yourself with people that fill you up.

·Take time for yourself.

·Be patient. The med regime for many diagnosed does take time, but it's worth taking the time.

·Write in a journal especially with how you are feeling right now; that way if you ever considered going off meds it may help you make a better decision.

·Track your mood. Great free one online at http://www.medhelp.org/land/mood-tracker

·And finally remember you aren't your diagnosis. You have bipolar, but you aren't bipolar.

[mokie]

Wow everyone has such good suggestions. I bought the book Loving someone..... It really opened my eyes to see that YES I do have BP. Since reading book I have been researching online every site possible to learn everything I can right now, joined support group (husband goes too), counselor to help me understand and learn new ways of thinking, behaviour etc., pdoc to stay on top of meds. I also suggest to be honest with your S/O and if they can be with you at any appointments it really helps. Some times I don't catch my actions and stuff and my husband shares with pdoc. Of course this will help improve our relationship as well. Mood chart is really helpful too and I keep a daily journal now when I can. I look back on it every once in awhile and do notice my mood changes. About feeling depressed I still do but my loving husband is always there to let me know he loves me not matter what. This guy is lucky to have you and he chose you. Just accept it and move forward with honesty and education to keep you more stable.

[silverlining4me]

Originally Posted by rizoo

Hi All..

I'm new to the group. I'm hoping that someone can give me a glimmer of hope for my failing relationship.

I've recently been diagnosed with Bipolar II after been treated for Clinical Depression for the last 13 years. I was alerted to the possibility of being bipolar after my partner of 7 months constantly complained that being with me felt like being on a " rollercoaster" ride. My emotions have varied from being completely happy to intense feelings of sadness and ending up in fits of uncontrollable weeping within a few minutes. I've always just put it down to being a part of my personality and being overly sensitive. I've had numerous failed relationships because of my mood instability...but have never seen the magnitude of my instability until my current relationship.

I'm terrified that my relationship is going to end because my partner finds it very difficult to cope with my irrationality and intense mood swings. I feel terrible for the way my behaviour is affecting him and i feel that i need to "walk away" from the relationship as i am making him miserable. At the same time, i love him dearly and i'm finding it really hard to end the relationship. He is miserable and feels that he is giving the relationship "one last chance".

If anyone out there is in a similar situation or has been in one, please give me some advice on how to cope with this. I'm really struggling. My self esteem has hit rock bottom and in turn it is adding further insecurities to an already existing complicated relationship. Also, if anyone knows of any helpful books (not too long or unecessary jargon) that my partner could read in order to be able to understand me a little better.

I'm feeling really depressed and desperate right now. Anything would be helpful.

Thanks

Your post could have been written by me! Except my husband of 10 years has put up with the rollercoaster ride but I have volatile verbal abusive outbursts rather than weeping.I am desperate too, but determined to find the right medication and whatever else it takes. counselling has helped too. I hope it helps just to know someone else feels exactly as you do. Silverlining4me

[confusedcameleon]

I'm new to this group too....

silverlining4me, I feel your pain. My level of love is highly intense and I need help I have over step several boundaries and has totally ruined the relationship with my gf. I think rizoo gave some great advice. Can anyone give me any further advice of ways to tone down my inability to leave loved ones alone when i want to get a point across and over crowd them. I have ruined my relationship and Im in an eminence amount of pain.

[Lost&confused89]

I wish I could help, but I feel like im in the same situation. Why do we allow these illnesses to overcome our lives?

[dragonfly2]

Hi confusedcameleon and welcome to PC.

I think I may be a lot like you in that I need to be understood and will go over the same thing over and over again until I feel I've explained it enough. Drives my husband up a wall. But I just have to get it all out. Sometimes I find journaling helps purge some of that emotion and work out the different aspects of it in my mind. Then when I do present my feelings to my husband, I can do it in a more controlled, to the point fashion and it seems to be received better.

I would invite you to post an introduction in the New Member forum, just to let the community know a little about you. It's a wonderful community and the bipolar forum is very active. Like any "family", we all have our quirks and we don't always agree, but it's a good group.

Again, welcome.

[SunAngel]

Welcome to PC.

I have put my husband thru hell and back, and he stays with me without question.

He didn't know about my BP and neither did I, but we both knew I had panic disorder and OCD. He married me anyhow and loves me a whole lot, BP and all.

He figured out that we spend 4-1/2 months apart because of my hospitalizations, yet he stayed with me.

There is always hope for a successful relationship with someone with BP disorder. They have to accept YOU for YOU, and if they don't, they are not worth it.

My boyfriend has gone to therapy with me and read up on the subject. I agree with everyone, I really think that helps. Good luck.

[faerie_moon_x]

Originally Posted by rizoo

Hi All..

I'm new to the group. I'm hoping that someone can give me a glimmer of hope for my failing relationship.

I've recently been diagnosed with Bipolar II after been treated for Clinical Depression for the last 13 years. I was alerted to the possibility of being bipolar after my partner of 7 months constantly complained that being with me felt like being on a " rollercoaster" ride. My emotions have varied from being completely happy to intense feelings of sadness and ending up in fits of uncontrollable weeping within a few minutes. I've always just put it down to being a part of my personality and being overly sensitive. I've had numerous failed relationships because of my mood instability...but have never seen the magnitude of my instability until my current relationship.

I'm terrified that my relationship is going to end because my partner finds it very difficult to cope with my irrationality and intense mood swings. I feel terrible for the way my behaviour is affecting him and i feel that i need to "walk away" from the relationship as i am making him miserable. At the same time, i love him dearly and i'm finding it really hard to end the relationship. He is miserable and feels that he is giving the relationship "one last chance".

If anyone out there is in a similar situation or has been in one, please give me some advice on how to cope with this. I'm really struggling. My self esteem has hit rock bottom and in turn it is adding further insecurities to an already existing complicated relationship. Also, if anyone knows of any helpful books (not too long or unecessary jargon) that my partner could read in order to be able to understand me a little better.

I'm feeling really depressed and desperate right now. Anything would be helpful.

Thanks

It is very important that your spouse or partner or whoever is educated about bipolar. It makes it so much easier. Sadly, many people don't believe in bipolar and will not educate themselves. They will continue to think you're just a dramatic person who wants attention or gives your illness as an excuse. It can be very hard and heart breaking.

My advice is to try to gently push toward educating while at the same time educating yourself and working with your treatments. Learning your triggers. Keeping your mood trackers. Meds and doctors are very important to your healing, but being active in your healing is just as important. Learning how you respond to bipolar is very important. We all respond differently not only to treatment but the illness itself.

You did say one thing that I relate to. When I was a kid everyone labeled me as "overly sensitive." I now believe that this was some sort of early signs of problems to come.

[Tosspot]

All good things from everyone!! I hope things work out Rizoo. Personally, I had a lot of failed relationships from untreated bipolar, but mostly because my boyfriends couldn't "handle me" I found its best to be with someone who a) believes bipolar is a REAL illness and b) is supportive of you on your journey.

That said there's hope! Lots of us BP's are in happy healthy relationships with "normal" people.

WELCOME TO PC!