[lolls1994]

I'm 20 years old, go to university abroad in england and have bipolar disorder. for over a year now i've had a boyfriend, who has been completely faithful to me and as supportive as he could be while i've been diagnosed with bipolar and have been trying different medications. The psychiatrist I visited adviced me not to drink, and my boyfriend agreed with this.
When I'm stable I adore him, he's the centre of my world and I'd do anything for him, however when I'm manic, i completely lose control, I drink, break up with him, tell him I don't love him, cheat on him, and utterly believe beyond doubt that i have no feelings for him and that i don't want to be with him.

This usually last between a few days and a few weeks. The first time it happened, he gave me the benefit of the doubt and forgave me as long as he felt that i was trying hard to overcome bipolar as much as I could. However recently it happened again, and he split up with me.

I completely understand why he broke up with me, but we're still talking daily and sleeping together, so the relationship isn't over really, although I feel he feels he has to move on and let go of me, because nothing will 100% guarantee I won't go manic and cheat on him again.

Admittedly I was only diagnosed with a mental bipolarity six months ago, and have been trying anti depressants as my psychiatrist told me it would be better to try other options before committing to lithium or mood stabilisers, so my boyfriend feels that maybe being on the wrong medication played a part in my manic episodes and infidelity.

At the end of the day I love my boyfriend and want to spend the rest of my life with him, what can I do to ensure that I don't forget that and lose control when I'm manic as has happened on previous occasions? Will mood stabilisers help with this? Am I just meant to be single forever?

[Moose72]

I agree with your boyfriend: Get on the right meds and stay on them. Please. Its hard, but this has to be hard on your boyfriend and relationship too.

[dragonfly2]

Antidepressants without a mood stabilizer can definitely trigger mania, so that may have very well played a part in it. Unfortunately, there are no guarantees with bipolar disorder. You may get manic again. The key is to be prepared for that and have safety nets in place to catch you as you shoot to the stars.

Being newly diagnosed, you are probably still learning about how bipolar disorder looks for you. What your triggers may be, what signs you get when you're beginning to get sick, etc. Write these things down. Talk to your boyfriend about them and let him know what to watch for. Keep track of your moods and see if there is a pattern. Then when you're just beginning to ramp up (or slide down), you and your boyfriend can recognize it as a sign that something needs attention before things spiral out of control.

It's sort of like managing diabetes (to refer to an often-used but over-simplified example) - a diabetic will know what the warning signs are of an impending diabetic crisis. They may feel shaky or dizzy or lightheaded, for example. Then they can take the appropriate action (eat or give themselves insulin) before they wind up in a crisis situation. The same can be done with bipolar. But be wary of being hypervigilant. You are still entitled to your normal range of moods and just because you're laughing hysterically at a movie does not mean you're getting manic. Now, if you've only slept 5 hours in the last two days and you're finding everything hysterical...that may be cause for concern.

Despite the statistics, people with bipolar can have very successful relationships. It may take more patience and effort at times, but the benefits are worth it.

[theGirlNextDorm]

For the sake of your relationship (and your personal well-being, too), it would be worth it to try a mood stabilizer like lithium. I'm sure you have a great doctor, but really, I'm not sure why he is so hesitant for you to try something other than an antidepressant. Regardless, you deserve to feel stable and your boyfriend surely would like it as well, so I'd say, go for it! (I have taken lithium since the spring, with basically no ill effects. Bit of weight gain, but I lost it) Here's hoping things will start looking up for you

Originally Posted by lolls1994

Admittedly I was only diagnosed with a mental bipolarity six months ago, and have been trying anti depressants as my psychiatrist told me it would be better to try other options before committing to lithium or mood stabilisers, so my boyfriend feels that maybe being on the wrong medication played a part in my manic episodes and infidelity...

Yeah, I think this is kind of weird. If he (she?) dx'd you BP, mood stabilizers are considered the first line of defense so to speak. And straight ADs can be problematic. Not sure what to make of this. Probably worth inquiring on your next visit though.

Sorry to not have all that much advice on the relationship aspect of it except to say, yes, mood stabilizers can help with controlling the mania. Ensuring, at least as far as it is possible, is probably best demonstrated through being as responsible as you can about treatment. And no, it doesn't mean you're meant to be single forever. Which is not to say that everyone's up for the ride. But that can be said of many things.

[AniManiac]

Originally Posted by lolls1994

have been trying anti depressants as my psychiatrist told me it would be better to try other options before committing to lithium or mood stabilisers

Yeah, like everyone else, I'm gonna say this is a little off. Although I'd note that my prior pdoc tried the same thing - jacked up my AD dose to the max to see if that would do it before trying mood stabilizers. I was OK for awhile (since I was more-or-less stable mood-wise at the time) but ultimately did not help much at all.

I can't begin to say what an improvement mood stabilizers (Lamictal) have been for me. It's a pain getting meds adjusted, but it really can make a difference, in ways that I had never imagined. As I told my pdoc last time, I literally did not realize that it was possible to wake up and immediately feel alert, and not take 3 hours to wake up to full operational status, because I can't remember ever having that except maybe when I was a little kid!

So you might want to give mood stabilizers a try - it's not a commitment, really, because you can always stop them and try something else.