[vanessaG]

My mind is so many places I can't even explain to my pdoc this morning what I'm feeling....

Past 4 days he upped my parnate that I've only been on 2 weeks. My mood is happier but then it goes down, then up, the so irritable, then I'm so sleepy during day but can't sleep @ night. Ugh it's like every 1/2 hour it changes.

The one thing that did go away...Sui ideation. That's a 1st for me. I thought this parnate cured me somewhat but I've been feeling ALL over the map.

I hate depression but at least 2 weeks ago I was in 1 spot....depressed.

Perfect example. This morning I get up get kids ready, singing, making breakfast. Go to pdoc appt happy. I'm like u have found the cure....on way out I have thoughts of me working again. I'm going to redo my resume, look for jobs. Stop at store feeling focused. Drive home feeling tired but fine. Same when I get home. 1hr ago started getting down. My mind is racing all the stuff I need to do, wanna do, should do...all kinds Of stuff....Now I'm typing this from bed.
Have to get up soon to get kids, but I know I'm gonna be like a zombie I can already feel it.

I HATE FEELING LIKE THis!!!!!!!!!!

[vanessaG]

Wow guess I really am the only 1 that feels like this....

[AniManiac]

Those sound very much like hypomanic symptoms to me. Not all hypomania feels euphoric, so being energetic or having a racing mind but feeling down may be more like the agitated/irritable or mixed states sort of experience.

I've definitely had meds provoke that kind of reaction (temporarily) which demonstrated that it was doing something against the depression. Adjusting meds also made my moods change much, much faster than I was used to experiencing - more ups and downs a lot quicker than usual. After awhile those effects went away.

So no, I don't think you're really the only one that feels like this, and I don't think it's all that unusual when getting adjusted to new meds.

[Secretum]

You're not alone, Vanessa. What you describe happens to me all the time. Happened even before meds, but it has gotten worse since adding Abilify. Our stories are eerily similar; Abilify intensified the ultradian cycling/mixed state, but it very specifically reduced the sui thoughts. As most of me wants to stay alive, I'm going to keep taking it; I can live with the fast mood shifts as I am somewhat used to them.

Do you think that you can tolerate these mixed symptoms, or will you ask for a med change if they persist? I've looked up Parnate. It is an MAOI, a type of antidepressant. Antidepressants can trigger mixed reactions in those of us with bipolar; maybe you and your pdoc can find something else that will take away the depression without inducing a mixed state.

[bluemountains]

My recent addition of abilify did some of this to me, up, down, etc. I, too, lost deep depression and sui thoughts right away with the abilify. I'm on wellbutrin and prozac, too, so I am not sure if the up/down isn't a reaction from the wellbutrin because no matter what drug I have added or taken away for the past few months, this happens to begin with.

Bluemountains

[vanessaG]

This is the 1st drug I've taken that has taken away Sui everything which is nice BUT other than that I feel like ****!

I was rapid cycling before, once a day or once every few day and sometime multiple times in 1 day but since this med....it's like up, down and up AND down together Agghhh I don't know I feel good for 1 hr than that's Bout it.

I don't want to keep taking this if this is the way I'm goin to feel. I feel like I wanna crawl outta my skin . I hate it . My pdoc is hellbent on this medicine it seems. He keeps telling me success stories of when NOThING else worked, this is the medicine that brought them thru! He said he has some on 12-20 pills a day!! There is NO way all that plus my mood stabilizers?! No....ugh I hate medicine sometimes.

[Tsunamisurfer]

This is ringing loud alarm bells. Getting a mixed reaction from an antidepressant isn't as simple to deal with as just stopping the drug after a few weeks if you decide it isn't for you. It can set up patterns of instability and intensity that take a very long time to resolve. Please raise your experience with your doctor as soon as possible.

[Trippin2.0]

Your doctor can N0T force you to stay on ANY type of med. Please tell him your current predicament is completely UNACCEPTABLE! Meds should HELP, not harm.

Best of luck to you

Originally Posted by vanessaG

Wow guess I really am the only 1 that feels like this....

no you are not

[vanessaG]

I'm going to raise the issue with him next week for sure.
The impression I got from him was if this doesn't work (which he is sure it will if he keeps raising the dosage) than that's it we're going to do ect.
This scares the crap outta me.

This medicine has me barely able to function to take care my kids. I want to not take it tomm and see if I notice a difference.

I would much rather have up/down moods than this mixed everyday. I mean this has to be mixed.....it's horrible.

Tdoc said it sounds as if my pdoc is frustrated which concerns him....he's so quick to jump to ect. I have only been seeing him for 4 months but I'm pretty sure he's concerned with my lows cause when I go low.....I go LOW, like bad.

Anyways I'm going to let pdoc know what is going on. I already know he's going to up the dosage & if I say I don't want to take this medicine, he will think I'm non-compliant? Maybe give up on me? Maybe stop seeing me? I don't know....

Thank u so much for your replies guys . It's really helping me see things from a diff point of view....