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#1
Jan 22, 2012, 03:08 PM
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Hi everyone,
As many of you know, I have been doing quite a bit better. It has been confusing at times, though. I guess I have been so used to feeling depressed or apathetic, that now whenever I feel something different like irritability, racing thoughts, motivation...I worry that I am heading for a hypomanic or manic episode. You see, it has been a long time since I have felt genuine "happiness"...more than 3 years, I think, that I don't know what it feels like.  So these new feelings confuse me. These "good days"...I want to enjoy them, but there is that lingering that they will not last. That I will either become depressed again, or go over the edge into mania.There are some times too, when I think I am hypomanic. There is one symptom...that I am embarassed to describe...but it is so unlike my "normal" self that I can't help but wonder if I am hypomanic. I want so much to believe that I am experiencing happiness, or even something OTHER THAN depression or apathy...and what if I am? But I also don't want to ignore the possibility of hypomania...because I have experienced how bad it can become when it moves into full-blown mania. I don't want to give up my current dosage of meds, I DON'T want to be depressed again! 
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#2
Jan 22, 2012, 03:20 PM
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Maybe you are just having good days...after three years enjoy every moment you can. Im not sure what your symptom is but it may be on th normal side of life, after being down so long any good probably will feel amazing. Ive been down for four months and just cant take it. I need some good to come my way.
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#3
Jan 22, 2012, 06:41 PM
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I am also have trouble not feeling that dark hole of depression or the euphoria of mania. I am in the middle. Normal? I don't know. But it is unfamiliar and so not entirely comfortable. I keep waiting for something to happen to take it away.
__________________
Success in not final; Failure is not fatal; It is the courage to continue that counts. Winston Churchill 
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#4
Jan 22, 2012, 07:43 PM
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When i was hypomanic i wondered if that's what normal felt like. Maybe at the very beginning it was. I still don't know. It quickly went to full on mania - i had been given an increased dose of an antidepressant - so i wasn't in the "is this normal?" phase for long at all.
Isn't it unfortunate that we're not completely sure. I hope you are at "normal" or "baseline" or whatever you like to call it. Just keep on the lookout for stuff you know for sure is a "bad" sign. |
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#5
Jan 22, 2012, 08:11 PM
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I dont know what "normal " feeels like either ...
__________________
Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
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#6
Jan 22, 2012, 08:29 PM
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Im thinking I have never felt normal. Idk what it is really. I was always a little different than everyone I guess. This gives me something to ponder on.
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 bluemountains
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#7
Jan 23, 2012, 05:26 AM
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baseline...normal...hmmmm? What are those? Oh boy...the only place I feel any kind of normal is reading all your posts in here...okay, not normal but certainly not alone in my crazies! (hugs to everyone) It's so nice to be LIKE someone else...I just think it sucks that you all have to be bipolar like me! Wishes everyone could just feel "STABLE"..."SECURE"...and..."CONTENT" now wouldn't that be awesome?
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#8
Jan 23, 2012, 10:57 AM
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Quote:
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#9
Jan 23, 2012, 02:34 PM
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If your "normal" what do you have to look forward to? Then you're just one of the humans on the planet. But, if you're different, you stand out. No one can take that away from you. Even if you're suffering, don't for one second believe that being "normal" would be any better. You would still suffer, maybe not in the same way, but at least with being different, you can get away with it. No one can blame you, and no ne can judge you.
~ I am not different FROM you, I am different LIKE you. |
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#10
Jan 23, 2012, 05:20 PM
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I'm at a good place in my Bipolar.. motivated, dressed, showered.. etc... BUT I'm so friggin irritable! I lashed out at my bf yesterday and today (not that he didn't deserve it!) but I hate being like that. I blame that on the Borderline.
Enjoy your 'normal' for as long as it lasts!
__________________
Psoriatic Arthritis, Borderline Personality Disorder, and about a 100 other things. 
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#11
Jan 23, 2012, 06:05 PM
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I understand where you are coming from. My husband has commented over the past few days--I guess since the Seroquel really got into my system--that I'm like I was before the bipolar got bad two years ago. I'm glad but it seems odd to actually be enjoying life and not feeling like crying all the time or jacked up constantly or both. I occasionally start waiting for the other shoe to drop but then I decide it's not worth it to think that way. I mainly worry that things will never be this good again if I go over the edge into mania or depression or mixed state again. I think we need to enjoy these days and be grateful for them as much as we can.
__________________
Becca Bipolar 1 with Rapid Cycling and Mixed States Wellbutrin 150 mg Lamictal 400 mg Geodon 40 mg Ativan 0.5 mg |
 tattoogirl33
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