Maintaining Hope

My life is not exactly where I would want it to be. I am very lonely. I am not meeting my potential academically, which is bad, bad, bad for getting into med school. I have a thousand ideas, but I can't implement any of them. Basically, I am trapped.

In the past, I have felt hopeful at times. I believed that I could break free, and I made efforts towards that goal. All of this just to have my progress reversed and my hope shattered by the next big depression that came around.

I'm not depressed, but I still can't help but feel hopeless and powerless. I'm energetic now, but I've learned that that will change. So now I'm fighting a battle against reason just to try to get myself to do anything that will improve my situation.

Has anyone been here before? Any advice on how to create and maintain hope? I don't want to be here forever. I want to feel fully alive. Thanks.

Your post reminds me of a Sting song....

"I've been scattered, I've been shattered
I've been knocked out of the race, but I'll get better
I feel your light upon my face.."

- Sting, Lithium Sunset

Sometimes we get knocked out of the race. It sounds like you've had your share of derailments from this dreaded illness. But you've gotten back into the game. We're going to have setbacks, it's just part of the deal with bipolar, or any chronic illness for that matter. It doesn't mean you have to give up on your dreams just because you might get sick again. You can't live your life waiting for the next shoe to drop. Life is messy. Part of being fully alive is feeling powerless at times, but carrying on anyway.

Part of how I held on to hope was by changing my perspective of things. I used to work in a building that was across the street from the psych hospital. I could see the front entrance from my work area. Any time I was having a bad day at work, I would stop and remind myself that I was on the right side of the street, that I wasn't in the hospital, that things were okay in the grand scheme of things. In the 4 years I worked there, I was hospitalized across the street twice. Both times I had to acknowledge that I was on the hospital side of the street, but that I could cross the street again when I was well. That this was a necessary detour, but I would get back to where I belonged. And I did.

Life is full of detours, some of which we would rather avoid. If we can learn from the detours, rather than fighting them, I think we're better off. But just because there may be detours, doesn't mean we cancel the journey.

I don't know Secretum, but it's a good question. I like what Dragonfly said tho.

I think for me, I maintain hope by looking at how far I have come. All of us have achievements, and all of us have achieved in the face of adversity.

When operating a vehicle or even during yoga classes, they tell you that your car (body) will go where your eyes are looking. And it's true, if you are looking in a direction while walking your body will want to follow. So it could be that where my mind is looking my life will want to follow suite.

I usually to to focus on positives, even when that can be hard or near impossible, I find a lot of hope in visualizing what I want, where I want to be, and how I want to feel. It feels good even just doing it, and thinking about it. I feel at peace when visualizing being at peace. I guess this falls along the lines of laws of attraction. Some people scoff at it a bit, but it seems to work for me. The more hope I can feel the more hope I can build up, over time this hope becomes a more solid foundation, gets harder to knock each time, and easier to patch back up.

I think one of the keys might be to to take statements like ~ I'm energetic now, but I've learned that that will change.~ And turn it into a statement like ~ I'm energetic now.~ Just focus on what is at any given moment, not on what if's or will be's. I know that sounds conflicting with what I said about about visualizing, but we're working on the positives here, and ridding of the negative what if's.

I hope you can find a way to get your hope and keep it. Everyone needs hope.

Thanks, both of you, for your perspectives. I suppose I need to live in the moment and accept that there will be both good and bad times in my life.

This is beautiful. I so often do "cancel the journey" due to predicted detours, even in small, day-to-day activities. I live like a robot, following the same programmed procedure, just to avoid potential complications. This is not good for me, as I am the kind of person who needs variety and adventure to be truly satisfied.

I often find it hard to keep "feeling hopeful"

What really helps me is knowing im not in this battle alone.

Somedays I want to end it and then I come on here and I see others
fighting the good fight and that gives me hope,,on my hopeless days ~

Anika is right. You can't live thinking "what if". Instead you have to try and live in the present. It is VERY hard. I struggle with this. I am not an optimist by nature. I'm fairly pessimistic and it's taken me nearly a decade?? to get to a point where I'm not constantly belittling myself or others. When I started to work on my perspective of the world, the pessimistic thought-processes slowly receded. They are still there, but not to the degree that it controls my life as it used to. For me, being pessimistic also meant that I was never living in the present. I was too focused on what has happened and what may happen in the future. I forgot that I had to live for the moment.

I know it sounds corny, but mantra's really help. For instance, I don't have the best self-esteem about my body but I will look in the mirror and tell myself that I am beautiful the way I am. Sometimes repeating to myself that "it's okay" is enough to calm myself down if something stressful has happened. As 'religious' as I may be, I've found that 'giving my worries to God' and not carrying the whole burden helps. I am still accountable for my behavior, but I don't spend so much time stressing about something that may have gone wrong.

I also believe that WE can cause episodes to be more severe. If you have a positive outlook it can be easier to recover from an episode. It is also easier to be more proactive in maintenance to prevent an episode from happening.

I don't know how logical I am. @_@