[bluemountains]

My t asks that I keep a journal. When I am hypomanic, like now, I journal the stupidest stuff. Half of the time I erase it all because I keep it on the computer. I feel so foolish when my t reads the mindless thoughts I have when hypomanic. Can anyone else relate, or am I the only trivial person with foolish thoughts.
Btw, I *think* I am marginally intelligent when I am not in this state of mind, meaning I can put a reasonable thought/journal entry together. Unfortunately, the term bipolar seems to suit me more often than not, so I am not often in a normal state of mind.
Bluemountains

[Anneinside]

I keep a journal and sometimes just talk about nothing. It is still a release for me. You might consider actually writing a journal rather than typing it. I tried a typed journal and it just didn't do it for me. I tried a written journal and found that not only did I enjoy it more, I could "see" my mood in my handwriting. I hope you continue with your journal. All your thoughts are good to put in a journal.

[Secretum]

Annie, I can see my moods in my handwriting too! When I get really depressed, I use less pressure and my writing is even sloppier than it normally is.

Mountains, it's ok to journal about stupid things. Everyone who keeps a journal does it from time to time. That's what the journal is there for-it's your safe space to write about anything and everything with whatever style fits your mood. Does your t have to read your journal? I used to share entries with my ex-therapist, but I was very selective in what I shared.

[roads]

I've been journaling since I was little! Mostly I use the computer (iPad) now but sometime use pencil/pen & yellow legal pad, which is where I started.

I never delete. And when I started writing I found material even in some of what had seemed crazy to me before! I do let Ts & pdocs occasionally see journal entries, especially around events that figure in later sessions.

I hope you can get to the point where you won't editor yourself, bluemountains. It really does defeat the purpose of providing yourself with a free-for-all place to just let it all out. It really isn't a dumping ground because this stuff isn't junk--it's product. Whether its useful product is another question.

If you can, or rather to whatever degree you can, try to just do without judging. But understand this isn't finished product, it's "first draft" stuff. You may never do anything else with it, but if you do you want the unjudged raw product to rework later. If you edit it away now, you may be [DELETE]ing the best parts!

If you're so uncomfortable with T seeing the raw stuff that that's why you're savaging it (), maybe you could just say that it's not something you're comfortable with yet?

Great running into you!

Roadie

[bluemountains]

Originally Posted by Roadie

I've been journaling since I was little! Mostly I use the computer (iPad) now but sometime use pencil/pen & yellow legal pad, which is where I started.

I never delete. And when I started writing I found material even in some of what had seemed crazy to me before! I do let Ts & pdocs occasionally see journal entries, especially around events that figure in later sessions.

I hope you can get to the point where you won't editor yourself, bluemountains. It really does defeat the purpose of providing yourself with a free-for-all place to just let it all out. It really isn't a dumping ground because this stuff isn't junk--it's product. Whether its useful product is another question.

If you can, or rather to whatever degree you can, try to just do without judging. But understand this isn't finished product, it's "first draft" stuff. You may never do anything else with it, but if you do you want the unjudged raw product to rework later. If you edit it away now, you may be [DELETE]ing the best parts!

If you're so uncomfortable with T seeing the raw stuff that that's why you're savaging it (), maybe you could just say that it's not something you're comfortable with yet?

Great running into you!

Roadie

Hi Roadie,
I agree that it is important not to edit; however, I have been journaling since childhood, too, and editing all the time. As a child, I used to rip out pages or throw away whole notebooks. I have given it a lot of thought, and i think it must have something to do with feelings of worthlessness.
By now, I know I've shared my story many times, and the fact that both parents were abusive-one sexually and the other emotionally, leave me with major issues of feeling little self-worth.
I have managed to salvage a few of my writings over the years. I read these and see a very sad child who was trying to find something or someone to believe in. Even today, at 50 yrs. old, I feel sorry for that child and wish it wasn't me.
I still have lots of work to do!
Thank Roadie!
Bluemountains

[BipolaRNurse]

I kept a journal from about age 10 through my first year of sobriety when I was 33. I still have most of them, and it's amazing to see how far I've come since then. OTOH, I wish I hadn't given it up, even though I didn't think I needed to journal anymore. I got a lot of insight from reading back through old entries; now I'm wondering if I should take it up again in order to help myself understand the crazy stuff I'm going through on my way back to stability (I hope). Whatever that is!

[FireBird]

I journal on the error machine (computer) almost everyday. I write about totally random things. I don't let ANYONE see my journal entries. It is absolutely weird. World peace!