Would it be a helpful or masochistic behavior?

I used to cook food and make smoothies for my former husband and the children who live with them. He does not want it anymore, firmly. I am left with 6 packs of frozen berries in the freezer. He suggests that I make smoothies for myself. There are also ingredients for more elaborate dishes that I planned. I was so very very happy when he was accepting my food. I told him that I would cry my heart out making something that I used to make for them, for myself. He told me that you do not die crying your heart out. That is true. I am just so afraid of sad feelings, and that is one of the problems with me.

Should I cook for myself, overcome with memories of happy cooking for them? If I do not, I would be relegated to frozen dinners, and that is also grim (plus expensive). I am a good cook. I just do not know what to do. I can picture myself making a quick smoothie, but cooking a whole dish for a length of time, seems too much of me. I am just wondering if I will learn a positive lesson from that grief, or just immerse myself in masochism.

Since you are a good cook, and it sounds like you like cooking, then cook for yourself. I have gone the TV dinner route as I am not a cook. Pretty monotonous. Because of Emsam I have to be on a low tyramine diet which means almost no cheese. You wouldn't believe how many TV dinners have cheese!

Well, I've certainly never heard of a masochist who gets off by making smoothies.

It's time to move on, time for change. Don't feel guilty, don't deny your love of cooking, food is a necessity and you deserve better.

Cook the food and cry, or you'll always be scared of cooking.

It's only masochistic if it doesn't serve a purpose other than to hurt. You're hurting so you can get over it. So your goal is positive.

That is true. I will try. I will start with a smoothie and report to this thread.

Yes, thinking back to the times when I ate TV dinners sends shivers down my back.

Well, let me be blunt. Cooking is pretty much something you have to do. Frozen dinners have lots of bad **** in them, so it would be rather masochistic to go that route (some of them can contribute to your mood disorder). So this route would be sefl-punishment, rather than treating yourself right.

Just start cooking again. Cooking doesn't really have anything to do with your husband, does it, if you look at it logicaly. First cook something you like but your husband didn't. Maybe try new things.

I made a raspberry smoothie. It was a little different from the smoothies I used to make for them, making things easier. It was like my own personal smoothie. I did not cry making it and I did not cry drinking it.

I LOVE Venus' idea of trying new foods. His tastes and mine coincide so it is hard to find something that I like and he didn't, but I can look outside of our usual fare. At any rate, I have the smoothie down. That is the first step.

Actually, right - he does not eat chicken and pork. I do not love them, but I can eat them. I will look for chicken and pork recipes right away.

Thank you.

I have just cooked soup - from our regular fare. I managed. Granted, it is one of the least laborious of my recipes, but still - I cooked for myself and ate the soup. It didn't turn out that well, but it was substantial and will now provide lunches for several days. I did not cry, I was not even particularly emotional.

Well, well, well... for the first time since the fall of 2012, I cooked soup for myself and felt fabulous. It wasn't a big production (mire poix and chopped rainbow chard from trader joe's, chicken stock from Costco, canned beans and tomatoes, and a pinch of lovely pink Himalayan salt - no chopping whatsoever), but it yielded a very satisfying result which I am enjoying and will continue to enjoy for a couple of days.

I have never gone the frozen dinner route, but instead have eaten out at taquerias and cheap chinese joints. Cheap but not as nearly as cheap or good as what I can make for myself.

I have gotten the blender out and resuscitated old smoothie recipes, so my goal for tomorrow morning is making smoothies for breakfast.

Last week I bought a ceramic skillet and started making eggs sunny side up in it. Between oatmeal, cold cereals, homemade smoothies, and eggs I can always cook breakfast for myself, and cooking soup / making sandwiches takes care of lunch. For dinners I plan to learn to cook simple Mexican dishes.

Who knew that cooking for nobody other than yourself can feel so good. I certainly didn't.

It's funny because I've had similar experiences with cooking. I hardly ever actually cook things from scratch, but I do once a while get the urge to make breakfast. I'm usually in a better mood for the morning when I do. There's just something about doing something simple to take care of yourself that can pull you out of the funk a little.

Feed your husband TV dinners while you cook nice meals for yourself. That is what I would do.

I made The Good Earth restaurant (from california in the 80's) walnut broccoli casserole yesterday - its basically a vegetarian stroganoff - it was so yum! Same deal, but i did slice my onion! But mushrooms and broccoli were pre-cut, with some spinach noodles, cheese, soy sauce and sour cream. Soooo good!

There are two kinds of precut onions you can buy - refrigerated in the produce section and frozen in the frozen vegetables section. Also, TJ offers refrigerated Mire Poix - precut onions, carrots, and celery. I know all of that because I simply cannot chop onions without crying! I sometimes would buy leeks, that have an even better taste than regular onions without any crying.

You mentioned yummy casseroles... this reminds me that I have a crock pot. A good idea...