[insideout]

I am not new to this. I've been here for a long long time. When I first found PC I made some great friends, and we all left, came back, left, and so on.... I have gone back and read some posts from old friends and some of them have had success and happiness... and while I am happy for those who have bought houses with dogs and instant families, I can't help it. I feel jealous... so sad that I am such a waste. And I'm so lonely here sometimes.

I feel like I will never get better.

Where is the forum for stories of failure, cuz that's where I need to be.

[venusss]

Sometimes staying alive and making it through is a success enough.

And some people just take longer to find their way. You still have time ahead of you.

[moremi]

I think its absolutely normal to feel jealousy. I believe we all do. I try to look at things from both ends, good and bad. It helps me to feel better anyways. I do envy people who have accomplished more or had it easier or don't have to live with bipolar everyday but then I think that I would not be who I am if I had not been through so much. If I hadn't felt the pain and known personally how it is I wouldn't be who I am. Now I have grown from all the pain and horrible things. I have grown and learned from my disease. Yes I have made more mistakes than most but I have felt more and can be genuinely sincere in an apology. I am more empathetic because I know how it feels to be at your lowest and I know that it does get better.
I have been down many many bad roads. From sexual abuse to losing everything I live and breath for and I have survived. This makes me who I am. I am a survivor. I can pray for the souls of the foolish men that hurt me because they will never take away who I am today.

This doesn't mean that I don't look at the perfect mother with the perfect husband who has had a perfect little life and wonder why couldn't I have had that road, but she knows nothing compared to what I know. She may read all the literature in the world but to experience things personally and grow from the pain or from the good there is nothing you can read that can explain those actual feelings. emotions, strengths, whits, or perseverance. It doesn't make me better than her either just equal in our own ways. I would not give up the life I have had to be blind to this world again. Ignorance is bliss but its not for me. I hope that my view brings a little understanding. Not sure. I just want you to know that I understand what you mean but you can view it different and go on. Hugs to you.