[SeekerofLight]

Hello all, I hope everyone is doing well. I've been off of my antipsychotic for a little over a month and things are going quite well. I've lost 8 pounds, began menstruating again, got my sex drive back (my boyfriend says "thanks"), don't sweat bullets anymore, laugh, cry and generally feel more like myself again.

Here's the bad part, while I was on the Invega my mind was a virtual blank slate. I pretty much had no thoughts. Well, now my mind is full! All of my past traumas keep playing over and over in my head and in my dreams. I can usually stop them pretty quickly, but they keep creeping back in. I do not want to back on meds. I'm hoping that therapy will help. Has anyone else had this happen, and how did you handle it?

[Chihuahua]

No advice sorry but you sound great! Keep it up!!

[BlackPup]

Maybe taking some time to confront some of the past traumas in therapy will help. Be brave, it will be hard but hopefully if you can confront some of the things that make you have negative thoughts in a safe environment like therapy, you will be able to overcome them and have more positive thoughts. Until then, keep up the blocking the thoughts when you are not in a position to deal with them. Try some slow breathing exercises to keep your thoughts under control.
Congrats on the weight loss. I still have to lose about 10 kg but its not happening.

[wing]

It does seem like with BP, I'm either not thinking at all or can't shut off my thoughts. I agree that talking out what you're thinking will help untangle the knots. Talk to everyone, your BF, your therapist, doctor, family...pick and choose who can handle what. For me, getting out of my head by putting it into words gives me control.

[SeekerofLight]

You guys are so right! It seems the things that keep coming up are issues that I haven't worked out in therapy, mainly, my issues with my mother. My pdoc said that I've been mindless for 6 years, so it's going to take some time to get used to these thoughts. He said what you guys suggested, to talk them out in therapy. Unfortunately I have to wait because my next appointment isn't until the 25th. Other than that though, I feel pretty good!

[noneedtoknow]

Good work SeekerofLight-I hope you continue to do well. I am off my meds and hope that I will also continue to do so. I have a support system an alot of tools to use so, keeping fingers crossed for both of us. Keep us in the loop, would ya?

[BlackPup]

Writing in a journal can help too. It's a bit like talking to yourself....
Keep posting here too!

[Melancolic]

Risperdal made me vacant now back on seroquel it has most bearable side effects and controls intrusive negative thoughts.

[LadyShadow]

I agree about the talk therapy to understand all the thoughts in your head. So glad to hear that you are doing so well, congrats! The journal is a good idea too. it helped me a lot to put away all those thoughts and ideas away in a place where I can reflect on it years later and say to myself, "Look how far I've come!"

Be careful about going off the meds though. I am the lowest dosage possible. Down to 2mg of Haldol. I was down to 1mg at one point. I could have come off completely anytime because I have been doing so well these past couple of years. As a matter of fact I stayed stable from 2004-2007 completely off meds. Three years! Then the symptoms came back like a wave of bad things. It took my good job, apartment and everything I worked so hard for. I relapsed bad and it came out of nowhere. That taught me a very valuable lesson with this illness called bi-polar. It is unpredictable and can come back at anytime. We have to accept the fact that we have this illness and we have it for life and when we feel good it doesn't mean its gone.

Just be cautious, is all I'm saying. All people are different, but according to my doctor we have this illness for life and I used to think the doctors were just saying that to push their pills on people until I lived it and relapsed.

Take care and good luck!

[SeekerofLight]

Thanks everyone for your encouragement and personal stories. The negative thoughts are subsiding, and my dreams are back to normal. It's good to be on the lookout for a relapse. That's where my psychiatrist and therapist and boyfriend come into play. I'm also very self-aware, which helps. Some things that keep me positive are the weight loss (9 pounds), graduating from college in a few weeks, and my daughter will be here on the 26th for an extended stay. I also have a week long retreat coming up in July that I'm very excited about. I plan to do a lot of yoga and meditating. I hope we all continue to do well!!!!