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  #26  
Old May 19, 2012, 11:06 AM
amity amity is offline
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Member Since: Apr 2011
Location: India
Posts: 86
Quote:
Originally Posted by hamster-bamster View Post
I find it funny and ironic about myself that within a span of literally a few weeks I can go from feeling strongly suicidal to worrying that my annual digital mammogram would be actually a couple months overdue this year. You see, all my relatives besides my mom lived long lives, and she did not because she neglected to respond to a breast lump promptly. So I am trying to be a good girl and avoid her fate, opting for early detection. But again that worry coincides with occasional suicidality. Whether I will ultimately be a statistic, I do not know; I know that I almost became one in the past, but I cannot see the future.
It's too bad about your mom,but you have good genes otherwise.
Yes we can't look into the future but don't you think that we can mould it ?
It is what you are doing-good luck to you.
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amity Keep your face towards the sun and the shadows will fall behind.

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  #27  
Old May 19, 2012, 01:57 PM
Anonymous45023
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Worried, no. Quite sure, actually. Unless something else suddenly gets me first. Suddenly being the key word, as (for but one example) I refuse to drudge through some major physical thing. I don't see the point of doing that. For MYSELF. (I understand why others do however.) Have felt this way for years, it's nothing passing.

Maybe this makes me a horrible or frightening person. Don't care. It's how I feel and I'm not going to subject myself to what I choose not to for others' sake. And even at that, that would be very very very few - none of which are truly close. Not saying impact would be zero, but it would be much much less than others imagine, since they can only think in terms of a normal level of interconnectedness, which I do not have. There's a whole lot more to my thinking, but no need to get in to all of it. Suffice to say, when I'm done, I'm done.

Debated about writing this at all, but there it is. Please no response that I shouldn't feel this way. It's simple fact that I do and have for a very long time. Not saying I'm in a hurry, just that eventually, yes, that's totally how I see it. It doesn't scare me, it comforts me. I cannot imagine the level of sheer --there's not even a word -- I would be tormented by if somehow this were not an option.
Thanks for this!
Beebizzy
  #28  
Old May 19, 2012, 09:00 PM
Trippin2.0's Avatar
Trippin2.0 Trippin2.0 is offline
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Member Since: May 2010
Location: Cape Town South Africa
Posts: 11,937
No, I've never been scared of becoming a statistic. Never been scared of death... Idk how I'm going, but I am aren't I? So I don't worry about it. I DID, however make my brother promise not to let doctors saw open my ribs, should my heart give in, the thought of them hacking open my ribcage is FAR more disturbing than suicide...
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