[BusyMomma2]

My mania is returning.

It's my turn to get up with the baby and feed him tonight plus I have to getup for work tomorrow by six. I commute almost an hour one way ad it's a long day Monday through Friday. And here I am.... Can't f*ing sleep!!! I can't stay asleep more than five minutes. I'm wired and riddled w anxiety. So what am I going to do? Take an ambien in hopes that I can sleep
And make my husband get up fOr the feeding instead.

Know how I know the mania is bad? Ambien doesn't effect me.

This life sucks. I hate this. I just want a normal life. All I want to do is cry. I'm angry this is the hand I'm dealt. I can't keep my mania in check to save my soul and it's making me miserable. I hate this Life. Hate it.

[BusyMomma2]

I want a normal life. I want to be capable of having my family and stating connected emotionally and mentally.

I'm tired of being a mess.

[BuggsBunny]

Sending Hugs and warm fuzzies your way, because I can't fix it. All I can do is sympathize.

I hear you!!! I really really hate mania. And when I am manic nothing will knock me out. The strongest tranquilizers will not put me to sleep. It sucks because it could be six days of no sleeping and nothing helps.

Would your husband wake to feed the baby. That might be a really good idea if you can actually get to sleep. I wish I had a suggestion on getting to sleep but I haven't found anything either. Even in the hospital it took many many meds to get me to finally sleep. By that point I was a complete zombie and pretty much had no functioning capabilities left. Not really the best option.

I hope you find a way to get some sleep. Even if it's broken sleep here and there. Still better than nothing. If your anything like me the sleep deprevation is a major contributing factor to how severe the mania will get. If the ambien doesn't work could you ask for something stronger. Are you on any antipsychotics?

[BusyMomma2]

In the past I have taken seroquel to knock me out of mania and to make me sleep. Hard during the week when I have to work.

[cocoabeans]

How much seroquel? I also get the problem with sleep pills not doing much, also Seroquel not doing it some times...

[BusyMomma2]

I get 150mg samples from pdoc. He tells me to trial and error breaking them. Usually 75mg does it for me. But it makes me a total useless zombie. But it usually kicks me out of mania... At least for a little bit.

[BusyMomma2]

It's a vicious circle. My number one contributed to way high mania is lack of sleep. Here I am... Not sleeping. So as each hour passes I have increased anxiety about not sleeping. Worrying abOut how tired I will be at work.... How high it will spin me.... And the repercussions of both. Total lose-lose.

Worrying about sleeping is almost a for sure sign you won't be getting sleep right, when I'm anxious about sleeping I can't sleep at all.

Have you ever tried staying on the antipsychotics longer. I do hear people say that the zombiness wears off after you adjust to being on them. But that really depends how you feel about taking them long term. I think you said before that you were uncomfortable with that. I hope I'm not getting mixed up with someone else. I am not comfortable taking them long term, but I do see others on them long term and being more successful with that.

I completely understand tho as antipsychotics hit me like a ton of bricks. I've tried many different ones. Have you tried any others besides Seroquel? I'm wondering if a different one would be more tolerable for you.

[BusyMomma2]

No u havnt tried others. This is all new to me honestly. I havnt been this out of whack probably ever.

I'm not sure about how I feel about antipsychotics. I think pdoc mentioned they are pretty addictive long term. I'm not sure what all that entails. Not really sure about long term affects of them in general. Probably need to do my research. I'm wondering since I'm consistently high should I be on lamictal at all?

It might be a good option. My pdocs suggested it a few times and I tired it a few times with no success but others have had good outcomes with Lamictal. Do you mind if I ask what meds you are on?

I found Abilify to be the less sedating of the the antipsychotics. Zyprexa, Seroquel and Thorazine to be much mire sedating than others. I don't work but I have three kids so I understand the need to not be a zombie.

If you are still dealing with a lot of mania I'd keep trying for a different med to try to get it under control. Mania can cause so much greif and havoc. Lithium has worked ok for me, not great but nothing has worked great for me, aside from lifestyle choices and things like yoga and mindfulness.

You really have to do your own research on meds because dr's seem to fail at giving out all the info. Or at least mine do. There is some research into antipsychotics with long term use and loss of brain volume, even articles here on PC. Diabetes and metabolic disturbances are just a few more risks. My dr's don't spell this all out when giving me a new med, as with anything you have to compare the pros to the cons and see if the benefits outweigh the risks for yourself.

I use antipsychotics when I am acutely manic, but I discontinue after stability has been reestablished, because the side effects are too much for me to handle. This isn't the best option either tho, for one it can be very hard to get mania under control with meds once it's in full swing, that is always my experience. Might not be true for everyone. Two, my dr's think that if I stay on the antipsychotics full time that I won't become as manic as often, but like I said the side effects are intolerable for me, and the risks are not comfortable for me either.

There are a lot of med combinations available tho, so don't be too afraid to try something new if the current meds are not working that good. Also I use to think that there were lots of tools and skills to deal with depression and not much for the mania. But I've found a lot of success with yoga and mindfulness, enough so that I got myself down from 6 meds to just one. I still have a bit of ups and downs, mostly situational ( and nothing that I've needed to call my pdoc about), and I have been the most stable I have ever been since I started practicing those skills.

So don't give up hope, there are ways to bring this into control, just takes time and patience to find what works best for you. I hope you find it because I know how hard it is to struggle for control.