Question about cycling.

Hi. I have bipolar. I have a question. When you find yourself being very happy and then sad and anxious, alternatively in cycles about five to 10 times a day for a long period of time (6 months), do you think that is due to bipolar or could it just be something people without a mental illness can experience also.

I asked my psychiatrist about this and he told me that was the nature of bipolar. I am wondering if I can find anybody else who also experiences this.

I do this too. I don't have an official diagnosis though. My Pdoc told me at my first visit I wasn't BP, my T thinks otherwise.

Yes sometimes i cycle several times in a day. One day I woke up feeling on top of the world, was cleaning house and feeling very euphoric since this was a slight hypo manic morning. I cleaned all the bathrooms in the house scrubbed tubs toilets and floors. Then took a shower and left my house to go visit with a good friend. By the time I stepped in her office at work I had a huge feeling of anxiety come over me, my heart started racing and I had to cut our meeting short and go home to the safety of my bed. About an hour after getting home I sat up out of bed and just started crying out loud like a child would. I felt my life was completely meaningless and I wanted nothing more than to die. I started making plans and telling myself how much better off everyone in my life would be if the burden of my bipolar didnt affect their lives anymore. This went on for probably 45min to an hour. Then my husband got home and we had a little talk he seems be able to calm me because hes my angel and has so much faith in me. He just always knows Im going to be fine and Im going to get better. Then I was happy again and smiling and talking to the family like nothing had happened at all. About an hour later my daughter comes in she is 15 and she started in on me not doing something for her that I was supposed to do and my switch flipped again. I felt like the whole world crashed down on me. It turned into a large screaming argument and some very hurtful nasty things were said going both ways. I ended up almost moving out and leaving my family again that day. If my husband hadnt stopped me and told me that this was not the end of our family it was just a disagreement it would be ok everyone just needed to calm down and that things should have been handled differently. To me it did feel like the end of the world I was planning crashing my car into the river in the middle of the night so no one would find me until it was to late, all over a argument. This was one of the worst days of my life. I have had many more like this too. I hate cycling that way so many times in a day.

Its not something I do all the time though. I usually cycle from being hypomanic for a week or two to a small depression for a couple days then back up throughout the spring and summer months. Then when the clocks get rolled back and the days get shorter I start to cycle slower and the hypomania slowly disappears and depression sets in for a long time until winter is over. I do have these days you talk about though many many times in the spring summer fall. Never winter thats mainly just depression. I think we all cycle differently. I have never really been stable so I dont know exactly what that is. I guess for me my stable is when im just hypo with small slight depressions like a couple days long and then back up. That would be when I feel at my best. Im talking about not going into full blown mania, not having any delusions or spouts of psychosis or any deep dark depressions.

Hope that helps you out some.

Add angry to that list and it fits me pretty good, at least for the past several days, although it doesn't last too long and I'm not generally so mixed. Only sometimes. It's very frustrating and confusing. At these times, it's not only my husband feeling like "walking on eggshells". I feel like even I have to walk on eggshells 'cause I don't know which mood is next!

Yes rapped mode change happens to me during certain times of the year. I have found that these episodes occur after an episode of hypomania and I describe them as mixed episodes. After years of tracking my moods (the best I can) I have discovered a pattern with my mood swings. These mixed episodes that I have experienced happen at the end of a cycle that starts with a depressive state which gradually grows more and more severe until it reaches a debilitating level which lasts for at least 2 weeks (but commonly longer for me at least) The depression then swiftly changes to episodes of mania but unlike the depression there aren't months of a gradual build up its more like a rubber band being from one extreme of the spectrum to the other extreme. IE; from severe depression to a hypo-manic state the next stage are the mixed episodes you’re describing. I have come to call this the rubber band effect because that’s exactly how it feels like pulling on a rubber band until it no longer gives then releasing it.

It really depends on your Pdoc I was Mood disorder NOS because that pdoc felt Bipolar swings are at most 4x a year. New Pdoc I squarely fit into severe bipolar I. So it really depends on who you talk to.

Do you mind if I ask you how long are the periods of time that you feel this, or is it all the time?

The above is a couple snippets from your post that I wanted to comment on. I can relate to an argument making you feel like the world is ending and you want to kill yourself. I experience that same exact thing. I just got out of the hospital a few months ago because of this, and it's not the first time. It's like someone can say something that makes me go so ballistic, it is unbearable.

I wonder if I have ever been stable. I don't think I have but of course what "stable is" can be defined differently by differing doctors I suppose. Thank you for your response. It does help.

Well at least it is good that you recognize this is an aspect of bipolar. I think a lot of people have similar problems but have no idea it is not normal. Thanks for sharing.

Thank you SmokeyPoole2012 - I need to start keeping track of my moods also.

I know what you mean. It can be so confusing when different doctors tell you different things. I'm glad you found a good one.