[51mercury]

Ok, I am new here. I posted my introduction and kind of a "background story" (of course there's always more) to the New Member Introduction board. I received a warm welcome but I was also told that I might get some friendly help in this board too. So hi, everyone!

Anyhow, my biggest concern here is that my wife, my mom, other family members and friends, and pretty much myself are convinced that I suffer from bipolar disorder. I am not scared of it or ashamed of it at all - I'd rather have a definitive diagnosis and get the proper medication and treatment so I can stop these mood swings, this pain and torture, and get some sort of balance in my life so I can get a least a little sense of normalcy.

My major problem right now is I don't have any health insurance so I have to go to the county mental health center where I only get to see a doctor about every two and a half months, and there's no guarantee that I will get to see the same doctor, and I don't think they actually listen. I do go to a therapist there once a week and have explained that I believe (among the others I've mentioned) that I suffer from bipolar, and he asked why, but he explained there's no way I could because I've never cheated on my wife by having a binges of unprotected sex with as many partners as possible during times what I call my "on top of the world" times (although, and I hate to be very personal here and please let me know if I am crossing the line here, my wife can attest that when I do get into my "on top of the world phases" my sex drive increases exponentially - I just can't bring myself to cheat).

So my request for advice is, how do I get this guy to just wake up and see that I have these issues? I have weeks where I can't do anything at all, where I'm just going through the motions. The past week and a half I couldn't even get out of bed except to go to therapy or to church on Sunday (I didn't even go to church this past Sunday, and that's a very big deal to me). But starting yesterday I'm back on top of the world and everything is going to work out again. I'm cracking jokes with people, I want to go out and socialize, I'm chatting on Facebook, I'm having to restrain myself from shopping for stuff I don't need, my mind is racing a mile a minute, etc.

I am on Topamax, and it was working wonders when I first started taking it, but I'm only on 100mg at night and I feel like my body has gotten used to it. The last doctor wouldn't increase it (unlike the last doctor who said I should get it increased after a couple of months because my body WOULD get used to it). Instead he added Celexa which made me suicidal. I can't see a doctor there again until the end of July. They are supposed to have walk in clinics for the first 6 people that show up on Tuesdays and Fridays, but they have canceled every single one that I have been to in the past few months. So I don't know what to do. Do I just increase my own dosage? I can't afford a different doctor, but I can't keep living like this.

I'm at wits end. I know the simple answer is to get a different therapist and a different doctor. But I can't afford one. So what can I say to the ones I have. I am horrible at communicating with people because I get very anxious, but maybe if I can have something to say to them I would be better prepared. I have a therapist appointment tomorrow at 11am.

Any help is greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

[Irreplaceable]

Originally Posted by 51mercury

Ok, I am new here. I posted my introduction and kind of a "background story" (of course there's always more) to the New Member Introduction board. I received a warm welcome but I was also told that I might get some friendly help in this board too. So hi, everyone!

Anyhow, my biggest concern here is that my wife, my mom, other family members and friends, and pretty much myself are convinced that I suffer from bipolar disorder. I am not scared of it or ashamed of it at all - I'd rather have a definitive diagnosis and get the proper medication and treatment so I can stop these mood swings, this pain and torture, and get some sort of balance in my life so I can get a least a little sense of normalcy.

My major problem right now is I don't have any health insurance so I have to go to the county mental health center where I only get to see a doctor about every two and a half months, and there's no guarantee that I will get to see the same doctor, and I don't think they actually listen. I do go to a therapist there once a week and have explained that I believe (among the others I've mentioned) that I suffer from bipolar, and he asked why, but he explained there's no way I could because I've never cheated on my wife by having a binges of unprotected sex with as many partners as possible during times what I call my "on top of the world" times (although, and I hate to be very personal here and please let me know if I am crossing the line here, my wife can attest that when I do get into my "on top of the world phases" my sex drive increases exponentially - I just can't bring myself to cheat).

So my request for advice is, how do I get this guy to just wake up and see that I have these issues? I have weeks where I can't do anything at all, where I'm just going through the motions. The past week and a half I couldn't even get out of bed except to go to therapy or to church on Sunday (I didn't even go to church this past Sunday, and that's a very big deal to me). But starting yesterday I'm back on top of the world and everything is going to work out again. I'm cracking jokes with people, I want to go out and socialize, I'm chatting on Facebook, I'm having to restrain myself from shopping for stuff I don't need, my mind is racing a mile a minute, etc.

I am on Topamax, and it was working wonders when I first started taking it, but I'm only on 100mg at night and I feel like my body has gotten used to it. The last doctor wouldn't increase it (unlike the last doctor who said I should get it increased after a couple of months because my body WOULD get used to it). Instead he added Celexa which made me suicidal. I can't see a doctor there again until the end of July. They are supposed to have walk in clinics for the first 6 people that show up on Tuesdays and Fridays, but they have canceled every single one that I have been to in the past few months. So I don't know what to do. Do I just increase my own dosage? I can't afford a different doctor, but I can't keep living like this.

I'm at wits end. I know the simple answer is to get a different therapist and a different doctor. But I can't afford one. So what can I say to the ones I have. I am horrible at communicating with people because I get very anxious, but maybe if I can have something to say to them I would be better prepared. I have a therapist appointment tomorrow at 11am.

Any help is greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

No one else has answered. I will give me two cents.

First of all, what I bolded up top. LOL. That fool....Not you but him. He said you couldn't be bipolar because you didn't have that one trait? Goodness First, if you can, switch doctors ASAP. That answer he gave is a little shaky to me and would make me question his credentials. Besides that, be totally truthful and honest with your doctor. Don't be ashamed, they are there to help. If you have suicide thoughts, self harm, whatever, tell them. Look back over the past years and examine the things that you have done and felt. Be honest. I would journal my feelings. I don't know how in tune you are as far as your triggers and what not, but you need to pay attention to every sign that exhibits bipolar or any other illness. Write down those signs and take them to your appointment. Make a mood chart. A lot of times, they aren't able to diagnose early on in your sessions. It takes time to diagnose bipolar. Good luck. Hope this helps!

[51mercury]

Thanks for the advice. Do you have any advice on this mood chart? I've never done one of those before. I did get a journal recently because I want to start writing down everything that I am doing each day and how I am reacting to it.

This is the first time in my life (starting this past January) that I have been 100% honest with doctors and therapists. I have been in and our of therapy for about 23 years. I really felt that if I didn't start doing it right this time that I probably wouldn't get another chance. Things really did get that bad. I held nothing back - my behavior, my moods, my feelings, everything I've been through no matter how ashamed of the things I've done or what has been done to me, etc. I told the doctors and intake folks everything. This is why they gave me the diagnosis of PTSD. I told them how everyone close to me, including myself, really feels that bipolar is what is going on, but the doctor stuck with PTSD because of the traumatic events and the therapist is the one that says it can't be bipolar because of the lack of cheating on my wife.

Anyhow, do you (or anyone else) have any resources on mood charts? I am looking into a state run clinic that might actually give me a little more help as far as a doctor is concerned. I did talk with my therapist today and I was very firm with my beliefs, I told him all about what has been going on and my history, and he now sees where he may have been wrong to toss that aside and he admits that he shouldn't have said that to begin with since he is not a doctor. He admits that, even though he is not a doctor and can't make a diagnosis, that based on what he sees and even the behavior I've shown over the past few months, that I probably do suffer from bipolar (his statement about the cheating was made about 2.5 months ago).

Anyway, I'm really hoping that I can find a doctor that will be consistent and one that will listen. I can't keep up with this up and down and back and forth. Its ruined pretty much everything that is good in my life. Right now I'm back on top of the world, and I don't know how long it will last, but I know its only a matter of time....

[Anneinside]

There is an online mood chart/journal that I like called Optimism. It is at http://www.findingoptimism.com/ It is really nice because you can change the stay well strategies, triggers and symptoms to reflect yours. You check off these items. There are also rating scales for mood, sleep... You can also get it for windows, mac or iphone and all the versions are free.

Wow. Stupid, Stupid therapist. I wonder if the therapist has ever heard of a spectrum, or maybe he just generalizes everything.

[BuggsBunny]

Are you working right now? Perhaps you qualify for medicaid or a pdoc on a sliding scale fee? You may have to do some calling around, and receive a lot of negative responses, but if you ask each time if they know anyone who does sliding scale, you may eventually get one. Ask family and friends to ask their regular docs, you may get one there.

Otherwise, I would follow irreplaceable's advice about charting everything and writing it down. I don't know what to say about the musical pdocs. That set up stinks, and that's all there is to it. You will have to be more assertive than someone who is seeing a consistent pdoc. Take charge and tell him you think you need a higher med, or a med change, that your T thinks you are bp and support it with your mood charting. The county system, in any county, is not for wimps or the faint of heart.

By the way, it is possible to see an outside pdoc and still get your meds thru the county. You just have the pdoc write the scripts, bring them to the county pdoc, and have him prescribe the same thing, if possible. A sibling of mine used to have to do that in Illinois.

I hope this helps somewhat. Keep posting, please and let us know how things are coming along.

Why not print a copy of everything you've told us and take it with you to your next psychiatric appointment? That's about as clear a picture of bipolar illness as I ever saw; however, I'm not a doctor and can't diagnose.

Take care of yourself.

[Dustystar13]

Hi a mood diary should help I suffer from bipolar for over twenty years it's some thing you can do for twenty mins each day I find it helps me a lot plus try and post on here more often It may help etc dustystar13