[bluematador]

Weathering the storms. My mood swings have become much more severe as I've become older. I am tired. I used to have long periods of relief from the roller coaster ride. Now I'm either up or down. I'm on enough medication to knock out an elephant but I still feel everything so intensely. I weep with the roses over whelmed by their color. I dance in the street with the homeless man that just found a new home. I left my boyfriend of two years and ran off with an eccentric seven foot tall hairy mountain man that lived with wolves in Alaska.
The euphoria leaves me and I come crashing down. I wake up next to this stranger and wonder what happened. I leave the mountain man without a word. I slip out the door and go back to my cave. The flowers are withered now. Their dried petals are haunted by flies and spiders. I lie on the floor for days contemplating the dust. My T says this is just the way I am. I have a severe bipolar one disorder. I may always be on this carnival ride. The medication controls the severity of the ups and downs but it doesn't eliminate them. I'm not suicidal. I maintain a stable living situation. Still I am exhausted by the endless adventure.

[faerie_moon_x]

I'm with you, bluematador. My symptoms seem to be getting worse as I get older, too. I actually think that's why I was finally diagnosed. Because now people can't just say "she's a moody teenager." I'm well into adulthood, so they can't hide behind generalizations any more.

Read my signature. It really explains bipolar for me, and your post reminds me of it.

[grlnmt66]

I agree with dark_heart_x...Its gotten worse the older Ive gotten and especially now that Im perimenopausal there is no denying that its MORE than "just" ADD. As a matter of fact...Im now certain it never was ADD.

[BipolaRNurse]

I'm well into my 50s and have had increasingly difficult and severe mood swings over the past 7-8 years or so. And I'm sorry, but getting through menopause only eliminated the monthly game of "Let's Make a Mess". That's probably because BP is progressive if not dealt with, and I ran around for a decade or so wasting time with a dx of depression when I've likely been BP since age 13 if not earlier.

[madrikh]

I'm brand new here, but I can relate so much to this thread. I'm BP2, just dx about 7 months ago, been on antidepressants for WAY too long. I will be 47 on Friday and it seems like life just keeps getting harder. I dread menopause. I cycle weekly: hypomania for maybe 2 days (3 if I'm lucky) then a fall off the cliff into dark depression and then 4 or 5 days of slowly coming up for air.
I'm glad to know I'm not alone, this is the first place I've ever connected with others w/BP.

[Merlin]

I did notice that my bipolar was getting worse as I got older, not that I am very old. The lows became lower and all mania was mixed and I rarely spent anytime at baseline. I cannot imagine my pdoc and I just accepting that, but then again, I wasn't functional. I found meds that do work for me though.

[faerie_moon_x]

I worry because, I'm only 32 and I already feel like my brain is in a blender.

[bluematador]

My frequent mood swings started at the age of 41. I used to be able to deal with my symptoms more naturally. There were some severe episodes that destroyed my stability but I was able to bounce back quickly and rebuild my life. Now I have surrendered to medication. My pdoc has recommended an herbalist to help deal with the hormone changes caused by perimenopause. She thinks ths might help stabilize my moods a little more.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by bluematador

Weathering the storms. My mood swings have become much more severe as I've become older. I am tired. I used to have long periods of relief from the roller coaster ride. Now I'm either up or down. I'm on enough medication to knock out an elephant but I still feel everything so intensely. I weep with the roses over whelmed by their color. I dance in the street with the homeless man that just found a new home. I left my boyfriend of two years and ran off with an eccentric seven foot tall hairy mountain man that lived with wolves in Alaska.
The euphoria leaves me and I come crashing down. I wake up next to this stranger and wonder what happened. I leave the mountain man without a word. I slip out the door and go back to my cave. The flowers are withered now. Their dried petals are haunted by flies and spiders. I lie on the floor for days contemplating the dust. My T says this is just the way I am. I have a severe bipolar one disorder. I may always be on this carnival ride. The medication controls the severity of the ups and downs but it doesn't eliminate them. I'm not suicidal. I maintain a stable living situation. Still I am exhausted by the endless adventure.

You write beautifully... in this post and others. May writing be your respite.

[moremi]

Originally Posted by bluematador

Weathering the storms. My mood swings have become much more severe as I've become older. I am tired. I used to have long periods of relief from the roller coaster ride. Now I'm either up or down. I'm on enough medication to knock out an elephant but I still feel everything so intensely. I weep with the roses over whelmed by their color. I dance in the street with the homeless man that just found a new home. I left my boyfriend of two years and ran off with an eccentric seven foot tall hairy mountain man that lived with wolves in Alaska.
The euphoria leaves me and I come crashing down. I wake up next to this stranger and wonder what happened. I leave the mountain man without a word. I slip out the door and go back to my cave. The flowers are withered now. Their dried petals are haunted by flies and spiders. I lie on the floor for days contemplating the dust. My T says this is just the way I am. I have a severe bipolar one disorder. I may always be on this carnival ride. The medication controls the severity of the ups and downs but it doesn't eliminate them. I'm not suicidal. I maintain a stable living situation. Still I am exhausted by the endless adventure.

I get mania pretty severe in the sunny moths here. My therapist and pdoc tell me to find constructive ways to exert my energy and keep me busy. Like going to the gym for awhile, starting projects with my kids and trying to stick with them until they are finished, going for a jog/walk. Staying away from stores, bars or situations where I am tempted to talk to other men when I am manic. I have to constantly stay busy and try to knock myself out with sleeping meds. Just try to wear yourself out in a good safe constructive manor. It may help. idk, this is what they tell me. This just started for me the past couple years. Spring and Summer I am up up up and fall and winter I am down down down in depression. Not fun, sucks really but it is what it is. The meds keep me out of the hospital but dont eliminate my episodes either. Im only 33 so I dont know how much worse it can get? just wanted you to know your not alone. Ups and downs are my life as well.

[bluematador]

Thanks Moremi. I'm getting better at riding the ups and downs. It's like riding a bull at the rodeo.

[Looking4support]

I also agree. The older I get the more severe my mania is. Just last week I had an episode. My doc. Has added another mediciine to what i'm already taking. The thing is I was stable for a long time. Now my doc. tells me it could take 4or more months to stabilize again. It's really hard for me because after taking a medicine for so long my body becomes ammune to it. Also I am perimenopausal. My moods at that time is really out of control. I have been diagnosed with bipolar w/manic , Anxiety w/ Panic attacks, and border line personality disorder. I am currently taking Lithium Carbonate 600mg at night and 150 mg in afternoon. Just started Seroquel XR 150 mg at night. Welbutin 200mg in morning Buspar 30mg 2xday benadryle 100mg 3xday.