[bluematador]

After two weeks of mania I came crashing down into a deep depression. I pulled out my list of coping skills my T and I created. The depression happened so fast and was so severe my coping skills had no impact. I writhed on the floor in agony. I couldn't leave the house. Thoughts of self harm and annihilation flooded my mind. I tried to meditate and practice self care. I was terrified of ending up in the psych ward again. I decided to try writing. As I writhed on the floor I grabbed a pen and a notebook. Pen nailed to page I scribbled for hours. I did this for days as I struggled with the torment. I have to admit my writing had a morbid quality with topics of death and decay but it successfully helped me get a grip on my destructive thoughts of self harm. I controlled my impulses and after a week I pulled out of the depths of the depression.

Hello, Bluematador,

Have you ever tried just sitting down and drinking either purified or mineral water while you're in a depressed state? I mean drinking it for a couple of hours until your system has a chance to reduce the acidic levels of fluids in your system?

I've been told that an aspirin (in mild bipolar situations) can help. (This from my psychiatrist)

Somehow, the use of artificial sweeteners and anything with caffeine in it, as well as alcohol have strong depressing effects on people sensitive to them. Chocolate is another one that makes depression worse for those of us sensitive to it.

Writing skills, I think, come back into their own nest after taking some liquid therapy in the form of water. Please stop using canned soda pop. The sugar and caffeine are not good for those of us who are sensitive to artificial sweeteners, sugar, caffeine, and (probably) some unknown substances in coffee that are not good for us.

Believe me, I've tried them all, and the things I won't use now include:

1. Coffee, tea (if it has caffeine in it)

2. Chocolate (on rare occasion I'll have some, but pay for the consequences later
in the evening or next day or two (or three or four!). It's the caffeine in it that
we may be sensitive to.

3. Alcohol

Drink water, water, water for relief.

I hope this helps a little.

Take care of yourself.

Genetic

[faerie_moon_x]

I used to write poems when depressed and novels when manic. Sometimes getting it all out of you is good. I think it can build up like toxins in the body when you hold it in. I think it is fantastic you were able to use writing to stop the bad urges. Really, this is a successful post, in my eyes. I know you are still feeling low, but this is a good strategy.

The artist is entitled to his/her peculiarities in writing, as dark heart suggests, I feel sure.

Dr. Kay Jamison Redfield has written about the fact that many artists (who comprise a much higher percentage of bipolar patients than the average population--about 20%) must have an experience of trauma, or melancholia, or depression--whatever one wants to call it--that drives the creative spark in some writers.

Joyce Carol Oates declines to accept that view and believes that calmness and
quietness are the keys for writing (as well as the giftedness, of course).

I believe in both: even in the sensitivity that writers have to beauty, and I think that is a strong drive for creativity. In fact, I think that a significant number of bipolar patients are
gifted in some field, whether it's art, writing, architecture, engineering, or whatever.

Whatever suits if it works!

Genetic

[faerie_moon_x]

Originally Posted by genetic

The artist is entitled to his/her peculiarities in writing, as dark heart suggests, I feel sure. Dr. Kay Jamison Redfield has written about the fact that many artists (who comprise a much higher percentage of bipolar patients than the average population--about 20%) must have an experience of trauma, or melancholia, or depression--whatever one wants to call it--that drives the creative spark in some writers.

Joyce Carol Oates declines to accept that view and believes that calmness and
quietness are the keys for writing (as well as the giftedness, of course).

I believe in both: even in the sensitivity that writers have to beauty, and I think that is a strong drive for creativity.

Whatever suits if it works!

Genetic

As a writer myself... I can say that, yes, bipolar did used to effect my writing. Now it really effects it, because I can't write. I try. I want to. I have ideas that blow away before I can fully form them. I used to have a great talent at grammer and spelling. That is slowly deteriorating away.

I used to read, and read, and read. Now, I can barely read most forum posts let alone a whole novel. It took me 8 months to read a novel that took me a week when I was 14.

It is the thing I hate most about this illness. I'm losing the most important part of myself like sand through my fingers....

Goodness, Dark Heart,

Are you taking medications for your illness? Could it be that something you're taking is causing the temporary (I feel sure) loss and that a change of medications might be the answer to bring you the enjoyment you have always had in life?

I know it must be extremely frustrating to have this happen. I sympathize with you and hope you will keep after a solution.

Nice to meet you.

Genetic

[BipolaRNurse]

Arrrgh, I'm a writer too and feared I'd lost that part of me when I went through my mixed episode. Normally I'll write poetry when I'm down, and really funny or poignant commentaries when I'm hypomanic, which is my most creative time. But during the mixed episode, I couldn't produce a coherent grocery list.....that scared me badly, for surely destruction would abound if I were unable to express things on paper (or a computer screen).

[faerie_moon_x]

Originally Posted by genetic

Goodness, Dark Heart,

Are you taking medications for your illness? Could it be that something you're taking is causing the temporary (I feel sure) loss and that a change of medications might be the answer to bring you the enjoyment you have always had in life?

I know it must be extremely frustrating to have this happen. I sympathize with you and hope you will keep after a solution.

Nice to meet you.

Genetic

I am currently not on anything. I was still in the process of figuring out meds when I got pregnant. So since I wasn't on anything I wasn't put on anything for the sake of the baby. Once I am done breastfeeding I plan to go back and try again.

I have tried Abilify, Lamictle, and Lithium so far. Only Lithium didn't give me horrendous side effects, but I forget to take my meds, so I might try that again later. So since I was diagnosed at age 30, and I'm almost 33 now, and haven't been on meds my whole life except for 1 year.... I feel I am an example of no treatment.

[Trippin2.0]

Writing is a very huge form of release for me. I'm glad it got you thru a significantly tight spot that in itself is a major credit to your name. I hope you can be proud of this accomplishment

[bluematador]

Thank you. I have been writing my entire life. I've kept journals since I was a child. I am on five medications. They control my severe mania but they don't work so well for the depression.

[one tin soldier]

i do poems and wright everything down i lose track i forget notes help lots
i try to keep notes seprate from wrightings though some times the hurt expresed in ink and papper can be more talented than we relize i dont think im talented at all but some times a line or 3 or 4 will ring out so true there is hope there for talent but reguardless of talent or not it is a good and doable expresion and if i dont express i explode and crash even worse oh on the drinking thing try lemon juice and water i like 1 cap full per glass some go lighter some go stronger i like the cleansing benfite so i wont ever go lighter another thing i was told down threw the years is vitmin e and vitmin c had a doc tell me iron once but last i had blood test my iron is high the benfits of using an iron skillet to cook in thers tons of things can do add and change diatery wise i guess key is one step at time and if help is avlaible and can afordr it get profesional help when can other than that keep faith strong God bless rob

These are interesting posts for me. I am re-reading Dr. Kay Jamison Redfield's book entitled "Touched With Fire" and was at the point tonight where she talks about the artist in the bipolar patient and how difficult it is to attribute the moods to the bipolar illness rather than to the giftedness of the artist--particularly the sensitivity and necessity to follow where their gifts demand.

I'd recommend that you read that work if you haven't already. It's very enlightening about the qualities of artists who are bipolar. Pearl Buck describes the artist so well that you feel she must be talking about bipolar sensitivity. (Please read Pearl Buck's description of the artist on the internet. It might amaze you regarding her knowledge about the creativity of the artist.)

It's late; I need to get to bed.

Talk to you tomorrow maybe.

Genetic

[bluematador]

I Love this. I definitely feel the need to create is like the need to breathe and when I
don't create I feel like I begin to wither. ALl this has inspired me to focus more on my writing. I can write under any conditions. I can write when I'm manic and I can write when I'm depressed. It is a lifeline.
“The truly creative mind in any field is no more than this: A human creature born abnormally, inhumanely sensitive. To them…a touch is a blow, a sound is a noise, a misfortune is a tragedy, a joy is an ecstasy, a friend is a lover, a lover is a god, and failure is death.”
“Add to this cruelly delicate organism the overpowering necessity to create, create, create—so that without the creating of music or poetry or books or buildings or something of meaning, their very breath is cut off…They must create, must pour out creation. By some strange, unknown, inward urgency they are not really alive unless they are creating.” Pearl Buc

[Trippin2.0]

Beautifully said I love it too