[KevinGetAwesome]

Hi. My name is Kevin and I'm a 25-year-old pre-pharmacy major from Denver, Colorado. I come from a wonderful, supportive family. I was bullied in school and constantly depressed, but I was able to find my niche.

Around 23 I had a mental breakdown. I am not comfortable getting into the details, but I dealt with it and moved on. 3 months later, I had a slew of problems to work through. My childhood dog died, my car was stolen, I was accused of cheating in a class, and I had an STD scare (I am all clean).

Since then, I have felt nothing but numbness, angst, pressure, and confusion. I went to a new doctor after an episode around my 25th birthday and he was surprised, when I explained to him how unhappy I was and everything else going on, how I was never diagnosed as Bipolar. I'll be happy for moments at a time. For instance, yesterday rocked because my dad and I went hiking and talked for 3 hours straight - my dad and I don't talk all that much. I was on top of the world yesterday. But then I go back to pressuring myself into "feeling normal" and "getting things done." I've read that extensive list/goal making is a sign of mania. Oops.

Vacation is ending, and while I was active, I still don't feel like it was gratifying despite how active I was. I still feel numb, confused, and pressured. I tear up when I see old pictures of my parents, my siblings, and myself. I tear up when I think about going back home tomorrow. I am tearing up typing this. I feel excessive guilt and I often find myself thinking the worst will happen. Can't. Stop. Thought Spiraling.

I guess I've been at rockbottom for a year and half now so I've armed myself with 200 mg of Lamictal and I'm going to counseling very soon. I'm a fighter and I will survive this but right now I am completely drained.

Hi, I'm Kevin, and I don't blame you if you didn't read all of that.

[BipolaRNurse]

Welcome, Kevin!! You're in good company here. We come from all walks of life and all sorts of different backgrounds, but we share a common issue and about that, I'm sure we all agree: Bipolar SUCKS.

Sorry for what you're going through. I do hope you've got a psychiatrist, and not just a GP and therapist on your treatment team, because med management is vital and it might take some tweaking before you're golden. I'm still in the middle of that phase myself, taking Lamictal 200 mg/day along with a benzo and a small dose of antidepressant, but not quite "there" yet. (I'm currently BP-NOS, probably going to wind up BP II as my pdoc is leaning in that direction.)

Take a look around the forum, sample the quizzes, and enjoy your time at PC. You can be yourself here.

[BusyMomma2]

Hey Kevin. I'm 28 at was officially diagnosed at 22. However I earned my stripes a few years ago and was bumped fr bipolar II to bipolar I. This just means I had a full blown manic spell... Well lots now. It's scary and it draining. And I agree. Even when I'm stable I'm a list maker and a goal planner. I spend a lot of time here and there prioritizing. While I'm stable some little quirks, if you will stick. That's one of them.

You sound like you have the weight of the world but you will get through this. You just need to find the medication that's right for you. I think a lot of people fear why Bp will do to their quality of life. It really ranges. I have a very successful career, am married w 2 kids, and am going to school part time. Learn your body and your signs. Take care of yourself. And have an awesome psych doc because a bad one can sure screw ya.

Hang in there!

[KevinGetAwesome]

Thank you for the warm welcome. I figured this was a good place to start until I wait for counseling. Unfortunately, I'm a broke college student so I have to hope that I land an awesome psychologist at my school's psych center.

I can't stop crying because my thoughts won't stop racing. I have about 4 days of 125 mg on Lamictal before I bump up to 150 mg. It feels like this stuff stopped working and I wasn't evening out like some people had noticed.

[Merlin]

I would wait until you've reached the intended dose of Lamictal before you decide whether or not it works for you. And even if it doesn't, you can augment it with an SSRI, like Celexa, as I do.

[Confusedinomicon]

Take up a mindful meditation course.

Mindful meditation helps you reach a point where you can put into perspective the good and bad things in your life.

CBT helps too. (Or helped me)

Therapy in general helps.

[BlackPup]

Welcome to PC. Like others have said BP sucks at times. When your getting meds sorted out is one of those times. It can take a month or more once you reach your intended dose to know if it works for you. There are lots of meds out there to try if this one doesn't work. Hope things improve for you really soon. Relaxation and meditation can help the racing thoughts and writing in a journal can be really helpful. All the best for your bipolar journey.

[faerie_moon_x]

Hi Kevin, welcome to PC.

I was also bullied in high school, depressed, and never fit in. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 30 (almost 33 now,) despite many signs and symptoms. It's really not that uncommon, I've found.

Meds take a while to kick in. And everyone has a different physiology so what works for one person doesn't for the next. Just keep in touch with your pdoc or whoever is dosing your meds. Try keeping a mood chart and that will help you learn your triggers. I'm a pro at racing thoughts. I know it's horrible when your brain won't stop, that's my primary manic symptom, I think.

You're going to be okay. I know it may not seem that way right now, but hang in there and you will be okay. Feel free to ask as many questions here as you want and vent. We've all been through good/bad/worse at one time or antoher, and we are always ready to listen and help when we can.