Help! Son threatening Suicide

My 19 yr. old son was just diagnosed with bipolar last month. He's seeing a phychologist and just had his 1st appt. with his new psychiatrist the week before last. His pdoc upped his lithium to 300 mg. a day and gave him klonopin to help with the agitation. He was supposed to go for bloodwork on Sat. but couldn't find the script. He also missed a dose of lithium Friday morning.

To make a long story as short as I can, and I've got to let out a lot of details so I can do this, we had an arguement yesterday when I caught him smoking weed with one of his friends. I flipped, he flipped back and then last night he told me he's not going to any appointments this week and that he's stopping all prescribed meds. And, he wants nothing to do with me anymore.

Now, his live in girlfriend is calling me telling me that he's talking about suicide, doesn't deserve to live, is a failure and that he wants to end the pain for a lot of people by taking his life. He's planning to buy a Russian assault rifle that he's been wanting on Friday and he plans to sleep in his car because he doesn't want to kill himself in his uncle's house (he rents the 2nd floor apt.).

I have a call in to his psychologist and am waiting to hear back. My husband (who works in the same dept. as my son) called and said he's an absolute mess today.

How can I help him if he doesn't want anything to do with me? And if you have any questions that would help make this story clearer, please fire away. Just looking for help/advice. Don't worry about hurting my feelings if you want to tell me off for the way I handled this. You can't hurt me anymore than I'm already hurting. It's o.k. to be honest, as long as you truly want to help. Thanks!

Sometimes people don't recognize when they need help. If you truly believe your son is at serious risk of suicide I would intervene. Perhaps with the help of his girlfriend you can convince him to go to the hospital. If not, for his own safety, you should call 911.

He may hate you for awhile but at least he will be alive.

I agree to try to convince him to go to a hospital, even if he won't go, he may wake up to how serious this is, and call for emergency support, even 911 if you have to.

I don't want to tell you off. I understand your concerns and frustrations and I know many people feel different about this but, relax about the pot. I don't smoke it myself. I did when I was your son's age but, I know some people with or without mental illness do benefit. It can help him sleep and with the aggitation, and doesn't make a lot of people any more "high" than say klonopin and it is less addictive too...it really isn't much different than any other "natural" remedy in that dosaging may vary and as for effects. Depending on what kind he is smoking and how much, for many people it is not too different from sedating drugs and a lot less side effects. Sure, it is somewhat illegal but, at least where I am, that isn't enforced unless you're trafficking. Either way though, now isn't the time to worry about pot smoking, given it is just pot and not drinking or other drugs getting in the way. Wait until he is stable, with or without medications/psychiatric treatment, to argue about marijuana or make other judgements.

Good luck!

Thanks for the reply, Fergus. I was told by my son's psych to call a county crisis intervention center, which I did. They were awesome, but since I got the message second hand, they needed to talk to my son's girlfriend so they could get the info first hand. They warned me this would happen, but never in a million years would I of believed it, but girlfriend refused to talk to them. She was afraid they would take him away and hospitalize him again.

I tried as hard as I could to get through to her that they were just going to send someone out to talk to him and if (and only if)they felt he would harm himself, they would need a paper signed and they would call the police and take him. Oh my gosh, I got every excuse in the world: He's better now - not as upset. But he hasn't talked about suicide in 2 hours. He's calming down. Why do they have to talk to him? (she was afraid he would go off on them and they would take him away).....huuuummmmm...well he isn't that in control, is he? Ended up the crisis center called back and said girlfriend wouldn't answer her phone so there was nothing they could do. If he decides to do something, I guess she'll have to live with that on her shoulders.

Doesn't she understand that things aren't going to get better, especially now that he's decided to stop his meds? Things were still really tough when he was on them because I don't think he was on the right dose yet. I'm a little upset with her, but then again, I was young once too, and didn't have the best judgement (heck, I still don't, LOL!)

He's still not talking to me but he'll need something sooner or later and he knows where to come. I'll always love him and be there for him. I talked to his pdoc before she left for the day and she said pretty much, that there's nothing I can do at this point. Just get on with my life and try not to worry about his. I have no say or control over how he chooses to live his. I feel so sad for him and would give the world to help him. Thanks for listening.....

Camping, typically 300mg of Lithium does nothing. It isn't therapeutic until it reaches the range of 900-1500mg and it takes a week or two before it works. Also missing a dose doesn't really matter. From my personal experience, it took a week or two before I'd crash if I quit it. (But I understand the doctor wants to make sure he won't get lithium poisoning and that its safe to increase the dose)

It's also really typical for people that young to deny the diagnosis. I was diagnosed at 19 (almost 4 years ago) and I wasn't med adherent for the first 2 years. I didn't get hospitalized, but I was in and out of my psych every other week. It's typical for people to deny the diagnosis and go 5+ years before they decide to get help. I think the best you can do as a parent is support him if he decides to talk to you again, but not push him into seeing a psych. The brain doesn't stop growing until you're about 25, so a 19 year old does not think with his/her frontal lobes. Rationalizing with teenagers is like talking to a brick wall in most cases. At that age you're driven by emotions, more or less, in your life decisions.

He's probably not going to see the point in medication, especially if he's BP1 and gets manic without psychosis. Hypomania/mania feels good when you're younger and from what I've read it doesn't become as bad until you hit around 30ish+. That could be another reason he is refusing care.

I also agree with cocoa -- there are worse things than pot.

I agree with both - relax about pot and view 300 mg as just a titrating dose. Please share with us and we support you. It would be very nice of course to get him hospitalized as a danger to self because afterwards he would not be able to buy a rifle (at least this is how it is in my state), but what can you do... Be kind to yourself, please.

If someone is threatening suicide, the ONLY loving thing you can do is have them 5150'd. Call 911.

Pls take them to hospital. I've tried suicide. I should have responded earlier. South Africa is a bit more different I think - no-one seems to really intervene and it is mainly the patient that makes the decision.
I am starting to feel like he is now - easier to just get away and not hurt those people around you any further. Only decent meds and a good psych can help turn him around. Get him to hospital where they can control his meds properly

Thanks everyone for your replies/advice. Just wanted to give a quick update.

First off, he's on 900 mg. of lithium, not the 300 I first thought. I've spoken with him twice today, so at least we're talking again. He's decided to give the meds another month to see if he feels any different. Wouldn't go see his psychiologist today, but is keeping his appt. on Thurs. with his psychiatrist. Missed getting his bloodwork over the weekend, but we're going to try to get it 1st thing in the morning. I doubt his dr. will have it in time for the Thurs. appt., but maybe she'll have it before the weekend.

Poor guy is miserable....He said it's more the depression and aggitation/anger that are really getting to him. And, his paranoia, which he said is really bad. I noticed that the weekend before last when we went on a trip to my mom's. As soon as it was his turn to drive, he started getting so aggitated because he thought the WalMart truck behind us was "messing with him". He thinks everyone is messing with him.

I'm going with him to his appt. on Thurs. so I can share with the dr. what I've been seeing. I'd like to ask if she could put him on an antidepressant and also if there's another mood stabilizer that may work quicker for him either in addition to the lithium or in place of it. He said he feels like the klonopin isn't working well so maybe there will be something else that would work better?

He said when he was hospitalized, he was asked to pick one of two mood stabilizers. One that worked quicker but would cost more, or the lithium, which was cheaper. He chose the lithium becasue of the cost. I wish I would of been asked (because I'm the one paying the bills) because I would of chosen the one that works faster. But, of coarse, because he's 19, I'm not asked (but they send me the bills, go figure!) I HATE, HATE, HATE seeing my son like this.

Thanks for the advice about the weed. I'll back off.......

Just wanted to thank all of you for being there for me. I'm trying to get my son to join this forum because I think it'll really help him to know he's not alone. If you guys have anymore thoughts/advice, please bring it on. I'm all ears and really want to learn how to be there/help my son.

Sorry....I forgot to tell you about yesterday and his feeling suicidal. He said he was terrified of going back to the hosp. he admitted himself into last month. He said there was NO WAY he would ever go back there. I'm not sure if everyone that goes to the psych ward feels the same way or not. He said his shrink didn't talk to him once in the 4 days he was there and when my son tried to ask him questions, the dr. quickly walked away and ignored him. My son dubbed him "Dr. Run Away". When I called the Dr. (social worker) about my son's extreme aggitation and depression one week after discharge, I was told his dr. wouldn't prescribe anything for him and if we wanted, we could take him to the E.R. to be evaluated. The social worker at the hosp. made an appt. for my son to be seen by a new psychiatrist on July 17th!!!! No bloodwork ordered, a script for 15 days of lithium with 2 refills, and 14 ativan. I kept calling the appointed psych. EVERY DAY trying to get him seen sooner. She finally had a cancellation the week before last....we were so happy. And, we really like her too!

So anyway, I'm going to research other places I can take him to if he ever needs to be admitted again. I really think he would of admitted himself yesterday if it was a different hospital. I'd love to hear if others have had a similar experience or if ours was out of the norm. I have nothing to compare it to.

Thanks!

id talk to costello, i think she is in a similar situation.

Bloodwork is sometimes done very quickly, there is reasonable hope that she will see the results on Thursday.

Hi, just wanted to give a quick update.

My son went to see his pdoc on Thurs. Lithim levels are now at .5 which she said is at the bottom end of theraputic. She said most of her patients usually need to be around 1.0 to feel better. So, Lithium was upped to 1200 mg/day, Saphris 5mg. was added at bedtime for paranoia and klonopin was increased to 3 a day if needed. Bloodwork again next Thurs. and she'll see him again the following week.

I do have to say however, that the pdoc told my son to not smoke any weed at this point in his treatment. She said once he's stabilized, it's his choice, but for now, smoking will alter the way the drugs he's getting now are metabolized and it's counter productive as weed is a depressant (and he's already soooooo depressed).

So anyway, thank you to all who replied. We've got a game plan in place (that he's agreed to) should he feel so horribly helpless and suicidal again.

I've got a lot to learn to be a more supportive mom to him. I'm reading all I can and have learned so much from all of you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for not only being there for me, but for sharing your thoughts and advice. I have so many questions, but I'll start another thread. Are you guys sure you don't mind my being here?

Thanks!

Hi Camping, so sorry you're going through this. I have similar situations with my 2 teens both dx bipolar. I had my 16 yr old son hospitalized twice in the past 2-3 weeks. He makes like he's ok and they release him.

I worry about the pot. I used to be a total pot head when i was young. But just today my son fell on floor crying and punching the wall because he can't find his weed. He says it's his medicine. But I see my child totally unstable and addicted to it. He doesn't just smoke it occasionally like most people, he can smoke like an eighth in an evening and that's an expensive habit. I just don't see it helping him, I think he thinks it helps.

My son is also on lithium and klonopin by the way. These meds seem to be helping slowly, the klonopin though he does complain it's not working like it used to.

Good luck

Oh Blue, you've got your hands full. I can't imagine having 2 teens with BP. Did your 16 year old admit himself? How long ago was he dx'd? Oh I feel so bad for him too......Just out of curiousity, how many klonopin does he take a day? My son said the same thing - that it's not working like it used to. His pdoc increased him to 3 a day as needed.

How I wish I could take this brutal BP away from my son and take it on myself so that he could live a normal life. But I keep saying, it is what it is and we have to deal with it the best we can. I just hope that someday, our kids (and everyone that's suffering with bp) can at least get it under control enough to enjoy life. And I keep telling my son that life, even for non bp people is rarely ever smooth sailing.

Good luck to you too, Blue. You and your children will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Thanks camping. Yea it sucks lately. He's been so manic past few days, stole my car last night (even though I hide the keys) and got paranoid about cops, parked the car illegally and lost it! Then he wandered a bad part of town all night... with no shoes on. I had to report him missing, wouldn't be a weekend without something like this. Took me an hour driving around with my mom to find the car, we finally found it, it's been side swiped and is messed up but driveable. And more importantly found my son, and he is finally asleep now for the first time in days.

We were at pdoc on Thursday and it was a good meeting, lots of tears. You're right this BP is brutal! I'm so worried about if he will ever get to live a good life, if he'll ever be able to take care of himself. I've got a BPII dx and it's nothing compared to what he deals with which is saying a lot cuz BPII is not fun. I'm hoping that it will get better for him when he gets out of these teenage years.

And there's only so much we can do... I remember being that age and nobody could tell me anything. They have to buy into wanting to get help for them to really get help. And now that he's sleeping after the manic episode, there's a strong likelihood he could have a bad depression, I'm worried. But trying to stay strong.

So about the klonopin, he takes 3 a day. And honestly I wish I had something stronger to give him when he's really agitated and needing relief from the mania. But it's hard to get anything stronger. Benzos are so addictive and dangerous so the docs don't like to prescribe them too much.

Thanks so much for the thoughts and prayers, right back at ya We need to stick together and help each other and will find answers somehow!