Discouraged

I am starting to wonder if I can ever get back to a period of normalcy. First it was anxiety and depression, and paranoia. After lots of work and meds and therapy I had 2 or 3 better months. Then the anxiety intensified and I had some symptoms of hypomania. All the med changes made me a comatose zombie...So in the midst of what the doctors called a mixed episode and med changes a major drama occurs which involves the (at least temporary) loss of one of my closest support people. This sent me spinning downward in a hurry into a bad depression. One of the ways that I experience bipolar is overly reactive intense emotions to things....worse so when stuff is a big deal to me and extremely upsetting....It's hard for my friends because I am inconsolable. I am trying to do all of the healthy things...sleep, exercise, eat healthy things...go to DBT..etc etc with little relief. Checked in with psych nurse today and they want me to come in to see Pdoc... I hope that this roller coaster is not the new normal. In some ways I think i had it easier when I had no official diagnosis...It's like knowing..opens up the possibility of all kinds of bad... ...discouraged....feeling alone....

I'm here for you, if anything. Just want to say I totally concur.

Try to capture the emotion and hold it within yourself. Then imagine yourself putting that emotion on something and watching it drift away.

Feelings are often driven by our physiological responses to a stimuli. Capturing the emotion is essentially "owning" the feeling and validating the feeling within you. Yes, even if it depression or mania it is still a very real emotion and should not be discounted. Holding the emotion in silence gives you time to understand and know what you're dealing with. Taking the emotion and releasing it shows you have some control.

Essentially what you're doing is desensitizing yourself to that feeling. It doesn't make it any less powerful, but you're able to rationalize through it.

And two other hints:
1. When you feel yourself getting upset, start counting and focus on counting to x. (I used to count to 10 and then take a deep breath)
2. Don't act on how you're feeling right away if you're unsure of yourself. Usually if you go to sleep and wake up the next day you should be feeling okay. Practicing this will help remind you that feelings are temporary. Even though you read this and you may comprehend it, you HAVE to do it. You may rationally know I am "telling the truth", but your body thinks I'm "lying".

For depressions, remember to give yourself small rewards for tasks completed. If taking a shower is a task for you, and you do it....treat yourself to milk and cookies! (example)

I agree with confused. You have to reward yourself for doing good.

Making small goals and sticking to them helps you to be able to reach bigger goals. I think the bigger goal is the control of your emotions in a negative situation. A smaller goal would be something like "The next time I hear bad news, I'm going to take a deep breath and count to ten."

Or if you have trouble cleaning then it's better to do a small goal. "Today I will wash my clothes. Tomorrow I will put them away." Etc.

You are not alone. The other day I had a total tantrum because I spilled a soda.
Not a proud moment, but definately a bipolar one....

Thanks for the thoughts.... "Confused" I can relate to your suggestions from the mindfulness classes I am taking. I love the idea of it...but it is tough stuff for me to apply. Small goals is a good idea to...I vascillate between running 1000 miles per hour with full days...and wonder why I am exhausted to not wanting to do anything. Today I am giving myself a break from training and going to chill at home... The verdict of the Pdoc was to add lithium. Anyone with any experience with this med?

:P Everything takes practice! You're essentially forcing yourself to stop doing things that you've grown accustomed too. Even the most practiced people make mistakes. I used to have rages every few weeks (More like every other week) and it's spaced to every (2?) months which is a vast improvement. I also used to break up with my boyfriend a few times a year and it's almost been two years since I last did it! It's not supposed to be easy and it's not supposed to be an overnight change. You should feel really good about yourself because you're taking the step to attempt mindfulness.

I have to do small goals or I won't get anything done. For instance: Breaking up my math homework so I do sections in 2-3 days BEFORE tests has helped me understand and comprehend. Plus I don't feel as pressured to stay up all night to complete the assignments.

I take lithium. It's deteriorated my ability to recall information and I have acne because of it. Make sure you drink a lot of water, and drink water (non-sugary drinks) instead of eating in-between meals. This is a huge problem of mine that I have to work on...haha