[Warrioress]

So I was studying for my chemistry exam and I just HAD to come across the formula for Lithium Carbonate! (that was yesterday) I spent some 30 seconds just staring at the page, my eyes widening, panic and anxiety growing inside me. Lithium Carbonate was the first med I was given after I was diagnosed with BP. But I was Bipolar II and lithium didn't really work for me. All it did was drain all my energy and leave me slumped in a corner, too tired even to think. Those were among the worst days of my life. I soon changed to depakote which wasn't nearly as bad. But after about two years I started to despise all psychiatric medications, feeling I wasn't really myself when I took them. I stopped taking them exactly one year ago. I've been fine. I have some ups and downs but nothing too worrisome. No severe depressions, no suicidal feelings, no uncontrollable manic episodes. But when I'm reminded of something I almost go through it all over again. And now I can't get Li2CO3 and the experience I had with it out of my head. I feel trapped, restless, anxious, irritable, depressed and lonely. I have to study more chemistry but I just can't concentrate. AND I think more triggering formulae may be lurking around!

[faerie_moon_x]

Well, chemistry is a very interesting science and because you have been on medications, I suppose that there is a chance you'll realize which medications are made from what as you study.

I'm very sorry you had such a bad experience with Lithium. Is there any way you can turn your thought process on it's head? For example, now that you are studying chemestry, you are more knowledgeable about things that go into your body. So now you know the very formula of the thing that was bad for you! That gives you strength over it, and it's no longer this lurking monster. You know how it is made, you know how to disect it so that it's no longer Lithium Carbonate, but just some chemicals. It has no power over you.

Sometimes the best way to beat the monster is to realize it has no power over you.

[Warrioress]

Thank you dark heart. That was a very thought provoking post.