[BipolaRNurse]

I've been on a pretty good upswing for the past few weeks, enjoying the extra energy and enthusiasm and generally having a wonderful time despite a few people's concerns that I was too high. Things calmed down for a week or so, then yesterday morning I knew the mood elevation was back with a vengeance.

So I've been flying high, soaring with the eagles, and of course I'm talking and can't shut up!! LOL! Super-productive at work, getting all my admission assessments done, writing my chart notes that I was behind on, just breezing through the work day and running around the building like my head is on fire and my arse is catching.

Then what did I do today but sit down in the marketing director's office and talk her ear off for the next hour and a half!!! She does have a way of eliciting information, but what started innocently enough as a Q & A session about the types of care our assisted living facility provides, wound up as an in-depth discussion of psych disorders in general and my own BP in particular. AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!

It's not like folks can't tell I'm a bit high---even my 21-year-old son noticed and said "Gawd, Mom, what kinda crack have you been smoking?!" But to blather on for over an hour about personal issues, to a woman who's been known to gossip......WTH was I thinking??!!! Now it'll probably be all over the building---my boss knows about my BP, as do the other managers, but it's not something I ordinarily discuss with the rank and file, let alone the residents. I don't want anybody to think I can't handle the job, or for the residents' families to fear for their Mom's or Dad's safety with a bipolar nurse at the helm. CRAP!!!!!

[2ndaryInsanity]

OUCH! I can understand why you're freakin out a bit. That's 1 of the things I hate about manic episodes: I'm thinking so fast, thoughts bouncing around in my head until I have no choice but to start talking as fast as I can, trying to relieve the pressure in my brain before it explodes. But now my mouth is trying to catch up with my brain so anything is liable to get past the filter that's normally in good working order and keeping me from saying something inappropriate. Yep, it really stinks. I think there's more sympathy/acceptance/etc for mental illness (except sometimes for substance abuse) in the medical field than in many other professions. I was a paramedic in my former life and most of my co workers and boss knew that I was bi polar. They really didn't make a big deal about it.
Maybe you can have another conversation with your boss? Explain that what you told her was done so in confidence and ask her to respect your privacy & try really hard to avoid any more personal revelations to her. Good Luck!

[Confusedinomicon]

Well, you know what you need to do.

1. Get the mania in check -- probably means seeing a pdoc
2. Take tomorrow in stride and DON'T assume people are talking about you or know you're BP. You know she gossips, but you can't be sure she has said anything to anyone else without evidence.
3. Talk to your boss if you have to if that can help contain this perceived "threat"

Honestly, worse things can happen besides people knowing you're BP. At least you have your health and haven't done anything dangerous. ((HUGS)) You're still capable of caring about the consequences of your actions. This means you can safely see a doctor about a med increase for a short amount of time before requesting for the doctor to reduce the dose again once you're feeling stable.

BipolarNurse, you're a smart cookie. I know you'll survive this little slip and become a stronger person from it.

[ChristySpirals]

Im sorry bpnurse...i've done the same dumb thing plenty of times...it just feels good to talk and the gossip is such a "great listener". Damage control is the worse but sounds like you may need to do some. Best of luck with that ok...and yea get ur mania in check. Hugs.

[bluemountains]

I am so sorry, BpNurse, and I can completely understand where this came from. I have let my mouth get the best of me at times, too. Although I have not yet told any of my superiors at work about the bp, I indirectly lost my last job due to my instability at the time. As a teacher, we work year to year; however, my contract wasn't renewed, and just the month before I had a "breakdown" of sorts with my boss when he could not see my point of view. It is so hard to keep the moods in check.
What's done is done. Just move forward from this point and continue to do the wonderful job that you do with the residents you take care of. The gossips will always be there, and we can't dwell on them.
Many Hugs!
Bluemountains

[Red_Cyclops]

Hi, bipolaRNurse - I can absolutely relate. I have done the same thing. I recently told my boss about my disorder, and it wasn't even while I was on much of a high. We were talking about personal issues and she shared something private with me, and I guess I just felt like sharing.

I'm really at the point now where I don't care what people think. I used to be embarrassed by my condition, but I'm done with feeling that way. I don't broadcast it around to anyone who will listen, but if something happens to come up and it pertains to a conversation I'm having, I may mention it to someone whom I think would be interested to know. While I hate having it, I take pride in the fact that I've managed to be successful despite having all of the issues that come along with being BP.

You seem like a really sharp person who has it together - be proud of what you have accomplished and just continue to do your best and succeed. We all have bad days, but we just don't quit - that's the important thing. Good luck!

[kj44]

You say your boss knows, I'm sure he/she, will back you up for the caring person you are. I know its hard in the healthcare field, I also work in that area. Although my boss, or co-workers know nothing about my dx, they are actually very kind to me. Just last month I did no-call, no-show for a week. I just told them I had a mental breakdown, and they were good with it! My good actions, outweighed my mistakes, as I'm sure your good will shine through! Gossip is also dealt with effectively where I work, so that probably played a part too. Wishing you the best

[faerie_moon_x]

I know exactly what you mean. When I'm manic I can't shut up. Even in my own head one half of my brain is yelling "SHUT UP, X!" But my mouth keeps flapping of it's own accord.

You are fortunate that your boss knows. I agree to let your boss know what happened to end any gossip if over-heard. Hopefully this person will not gossip with patients and family members. That would be truly unprofessional! If that occured, I would think it would be on her head and not yours. HIPAA extends to the people who work in a clinic and not just the patients. It wouldn't be right of me to say, "Oh you see Dr. so-and-so, did you know he was just diagnosed with ED!" to anyone, not just to a patient... so there's an example for you.

[Travelinglady]

Me, too--One of the signs of my being manic is a blabber mouth!! And, yes, I, also, later think, "How could I have done that!"

We'll hope for the best. Probably not much damage was done in the scheme of things.

My greatest fear is overspending. I have had some irrational times when I have bought things I didn't have to have. Well, like another car....

We know you are a smart, very capable person. Alas, episodes like you spoke of just go along with our diagnosis--and probably the best we can do is keep them at a minimum through meds and therapy. But it's not like we can just shut up at will! (I wish.)

[BipolaRNurse]

Many thanks to all who've posted thus far.

There haven't been any repercussions today that I know of, thank goodness. I still feel like a dip-wad for doing it, and today irritability and anger replaced the euphoric wave I'd been riding, so I'm really NOT a happy camper right now. I've already served notice on my family not to take anything I say personally......I'm just being manic and I seem to be missing my usual filter that helps prevent my alligator mouth from overloading my jaybird @$$.

I did call my pdoc today......my luck, he's out until Monday, but the on-call is supposed to get in contact w/ me. It took A LOT for me to call between appointments because I don't want to be a pest, but this wave I've been riding isn't fun anymore. Not when I can spend the vast majority of a workday staring at the work stacked on my desk and being utterly unable to do ANYTHING with it. That's when it's time for some additional help; I'm not in crisis, and I certainly don't need hospitalization, but I can see that possibility in the not-too-distant future if I don't do something now. I appreciate your feedback!