[2ndaryInsanity]

So, my mini-mania which is as close as I get 2 happiness- because my baseline emotion is depression...kind of like a low grade fever you just can't get rid of. Despite years of therapy and almost every med and combination of meds, the depression always lingers. So when the mania starts I don't mind a bit. Unfortunately it's getting worse and I know I'll end up completely bonkers- and not have a shred of awareness until I've been in the hospital for days. I called my dr for an appt and of course he is booked solid, then goes on vacation for a week and is booked up for another week. I told the receptionis I didn't think it was a good idea for me to wait that long. The best she could do was put me @ the top of a waiting list in case someone cancels. I called back and told her...I've been dr __ patient for ten years and I'm telling u I have 2 see him within the next few days or I'm gonna end up in the hospital. She magically came up with an appt for 2day. Thank god. Haven't been sleeping, scattered and disturbing thoughts. Including cutting. Maybe we can fix this without yet another trip to the hospital. So sometimes being a pain in the rear end is a good thing!

[2ndaryInsanity]

Made it here...only had 2 pull the car over 3 times bcause of panic attacks. Wish I had someone with me, my moods are all over the place now. Been stable 4 a long time and 4got how scary it all gets when my brain is scrambled. I hate the hospital but I guess most people do. Unfortunately been in some really bad ones and had some really really really bad stuff happen. Sometimes is a nec evil but hope this isn't one of those times. Made a big commitment this summer and absolutely don't have time for a breakdown

[di meliora]

You are in my thoughts, 2ndaryInsanity. I wish you well.

[mharleman]

Originally Posted by 2ndaryInsanity

Made it here...only had 2 pull the car over 3 times bcause of panic attacks. Wish I had someone with me, my moods are all over the place now. Been stable 4 a long time and 4got how scary it all gets when my brain is scrambled. I hate the hospital but I guess most people do. Unfortunately been in some really bad ones and had some really really really bad stuff happen. Sometimes is a nec evil but hope this isn't one of those times. Made a big commitment this summer and absolutely don't have time for a breakdown

I know exactly how you feel when it comes to hospitals. I can't stand to be locked (and I do mean locked) in jail (a hospital is no different except they can stick a needle in you to calm you down), but I know there will probably be a time when I have no choice again. This last time I made them force me in. I wouldn't go voluntarily. The only thing that accomplished: they forced me in with some Florida law I had never heard of. And my docs the same as yours when it comes to getting an appointment. They feel that lack of planning for my psychotic breakdown does not warrant an emergency on theirs. Go figure.