Do People with bipolar like???

I, personally, don't think lying is hand in hand with bipolar or any other disease. People are honest of they are not.

In my case, with my last girlfriend, I eventually told her all the bad things that happened in my previous relationship, but only once I got to the point where I fully trusted her. I wasn't lying, I was omitting things that I was not comfy with. I had some issues I was very embarrassed about that my ex-wife made sure I never forgot. I assumed the next person would hear this stuff about me and think the same thing my ex-wife did, therefore I omitted certain things until I could say them.

If your friend is just outright lying, maybe there is something he is embarrassed about as well or maybe he flat out doesn't want to tell anyone. You can't force him to tell you the truth, you can just tell him that you won't judge whatever he has done (unless what he's done is criminal or something) and that you are there for him. The other thing you can tell him is that you would prefer he tell you when he doesn't want to say something, instead of just lying about it. All you can do is be there for him and reassure him. The rest is up to him.

Ty robert , you are helping so much, he doesnt lie really, I think he panics with stuff becausehe diesnt want people ro dind out hes struggling with depression and what I brlieve is,bipolar disorder, he hasnt done anything criminal, I thonkit has to do with his moods, he gets depressed sometimes, goes in ans out of depression, he told me he wishes really badly he could tell me, he omly told ome person and he said itvwas for his sanity, he dated this girl , only.knew her two.months whem he told her, I asked why he told her when me and him.were close and if I did something wrong, he got sad saying he wished he could tell me so much , it ended terrible with him and her , does that mean he will never tell

Instead of looking it as something you did wrong, just remind him that you can be trusted, that you care and that you WANT to be there for him. I understand how it could hurt your feelings that he told someone else something you think he should be able to tell you, but maybe there is something in him that won't allow him to trust you. All you can do is be there and reassure him.

Understand that you having to constantly reassure him could get very old for you as it did for my ex. Only do what you can do and be there, the rest is up to him.

Aw ty robert, I admit at first it hurt my feelings, but I didnt understand back then, it wad a few yrs ago, before I knew how serious this was, but learning there was more to stuff helped, I know he would mever hurt me om.purpose, he told me he trusts me , its not that, he wishes.he could tell me so much , he just cant bring himself to and he doesmt understamd whu he.is sad he cant, could it be hes embarrased , but he shouldnt be , itss not his fault he has bipolar disorder, and it doesnt make him.a weak like he calls himself or selfish person, hes been my friend for 12yrs I love him mo matter what, he almost didnt tell that girl , the ex gf, but felt like he had to for his samity, think.maybe he was testing himself to see if he could and hold dowm a relationship, his fam doesnt know, but it was not good witj the ex, , what does this meam at one pt he had said he thougjt he could tell her cause he had no history.with her, no memories of how he is or should be? It ended bitter with them , not good;(

Here is my experience:

When depressed I feel like no one cares at all about me and if I just disappeared everyone would be happy. In fact, they might just throw a party. I feel invisiable, unwanted, unloved, and worthless. So, to have someone reach out to me personally and ask if I'm okay, or just a hug or a smile is a big deal.

However, I don't like it if they try to "advise me." Examples of this are: "Everyone has bad days," or "Just try to leave your problems at the door," or "Just take a few deep breathes and you'll feel better," or anything along those lines that screams "I have never been depressed in my life and I think people who are are just faking it." It's much better to have someone just sit there and listen and say nothing at all, then maybe give a hug.

Next: I know I'm not "crazy." I might say I feel crazy, but I know I'm not. What I really hate is when other people tell me I'm "crazy." I hate that.

As for feeling love, yes people with bipolar feel love just like everyone else. They feel hurt and rejection, joy and sorrow, all the emotions. We may feel things a bit more intensely at times, I think. Also if untreated, there can be other issues going on that cause emotions to roller coaster. For example, if someone has paranoia that can change the way they handle situations. Or if someone has obsessive thoughts they might get stuck on something and be unable to let it go easily.

It sounds like your friend was horribly betrayed and he's really trying to protect himself from having that happen again. Is he in therapy to help him learn coping skills? You may not know that. Healing from betrayal is very difficult.

My advice to you is to be a good solid friend. The way to earn trust is to be trustworthy without fail. It sounds like he really needs someone to talk to but is afraid to ask for help. I understand that. I feel that way too. I was unfortunate that when I ask for help, I'm denied, so I just gave up on asking after a while, now it's really hard for me to ask for help.

ZOMG THIS ^ (not trying to make light, I am just honestly excited at how you put that)

I have never seen anyone say what you just said as well as you said it. This is the truth right here and I think anyone who is really depressed or has been feels exactly this. Seriously well said.

I think it's okay to have someone tell me they love me or that that things will be better (others may disagree and it depends on how it's said, if someone tells me over and over it's going to be okay, it's annoying. Say it once here and there and it's fine). Because I know that to be true and a reminder in my lows is nice. It's the "Just think positive" stuff that kills me. If I had a dime for every time my ex wife told me I should "just be positive" I would be rich. I'd be depressed, but rich. If we could just change our minds or leave problems at the door, we'd do it, trust me.

Yeah, exactly! I get so sick of people acting like we want to be this way. We want to have a hard time working, in relationships, struggling just to get from one day to the next. Oh yeah, we want that. And I hate people saying "you just want attention, you're so dramatic." Anyone who fakes having depression or bipolar for attention has some serious problems. And because of those jerks, the rest of us can't get the help we need from our loved ones.

So yeah, that's my rant. LOL.

Oh, another thing I've come to hate is the word "emo." Like when someone has trouble with SI or suicidal thoughts their friends roll their eyes and tell them to stop being "emo." It's such an insult. Maybe someone needs help instead of insults. But no, society doesn't see it that way. And again, the people who fake it for attention are complete jerks who make life harder for the rest of us.

End rant.

I hate "things will be better" because I always want to scream back "Only to crumble to the ground as soon as I think I have a handle on things." I hate the word "emo" also.

i agree 100 percent, i get really mad when people say its not that bad to my friend, im not sure if he has , but they will say it in involving his depression which thy have seen, they have no idea what he and others go through, no one chooses to have bipolar disorder, its a struggle, Ican't fully understand it because i dont suffer with it, but im educating myself to learn more to be a help to him, not a burden..I thin all of you are very strong people, brave and have really big hearts, why can't people see that!

Thanks dark heart and everyone, if someone says they go.into relationships seemimg stable but their uncontrolled emotioms bring.relationships to crashing ends , does that seem.in sync with someone who has bipolar would think?? I think he was in a way trying to protect me, or thinks he is, he has said I coild do so.much better than.him, which I.dont.agree with, hes awesome and I choose him, the good times outweigh the rough times, I know its a rolllercoaster but its one I choose to be on because hes worth it, the good he brings to my life outweighs the hard times.

I just want to say that you sound like a really good friend. I think even if he has trouble now seeing that, someday he will. I had horrible, horrible friends when I was younger. I thought they were great, but when I look back at my time with them I see the truth. If I could look back and see even one person like you in my past, that would be huge. It's aweful to look at your past and realize that no one was there for you.

Ty dark heart , im really sorry you felt like that! Thats terrible, you have friends here on.pc , who are always ready to.listen, this place is great! Really caring people , I have so many questions on bp disorder , you all are helping, if he ever tells me I guess what I really need to know is what to say

Remember that if he's depressed one of the main symptoms is negative self worth. I have that a lot. Feeling worthless really sucks. And having been betrayed he may have reinforcing memories to that emotion. "I wasn't good enough and so-and-so left me."

Sometimes you don't need to say anything. Just listen. Sometimes the best thing to say is, "I hear you." Not necessarily "I understand" because I think a lot of people use that when they don't mean it. "I hear what you're saying, and I'm here for you." Those are some powerful words. Then back them up with actions.

Dark Heart is just killing it in this thread!

That's probably the best way to treat someone who is depressed. Listen and let them know you hear them. You don't have to try and "fix" anything, no need to pretend to understand. Just be there, just listen.

I had a terrible night on Wednesday. I think I was rapidly cycling through some moods because the next day was fine. Anyhow, I was speaking with the woman I am trying to get back in my life and I was defeated, hating myself and I was sure nothing I would do would ever help me. All she did was listen and at times acknowledged how I felt. She reminded me how much she cared for me. After that night and conversation I felt much better because I got to just unload and be negative which is like releasing the steam on a high pressure cooker before it explodes, it just provides a ton of relief.

It was no fun for her, she admits as much, but she always follows that up with the "I'll be there for you when you are in a good or bad mood." That's what I think you need to do for your friend. Just be there and reassure him when needed, regardless of his highs or lows. I think that, eventually, he will see he has a great friend he can confide in and eventually he'll be able to release all the pressure that's building up in him.

^^ Exactly.

You guys,rock, I wish my friend could,talk to you guys , you encourage and not judge, your positive, he has said he cant love or ever really care for amyone.because he doesnt even like himself some times, did you ever think that way?

I was told this, more than once, when I was trying to destroy things with my girlfriend the last two times. When I was depressed I didn't really see or understand the statement. "How can you love me when you don't love your self?" she would ask... I still look at that and say there is no way I can love myself but you know what? It's true. If I keep sitting around and hating myself, it just sucks all forms of love from this world. For me anyhow.

I've had that said to me and I still have a very hard time accepting it, but I think it's true. You can't love someone else without loving yourself and the nature of bipolar (again for me) is that you will love yourself for months at a time, then, on the drop of a hat you are depressed and hate yourself for a few months. I have a lot of relationship success during those months I am hypomanic and loving life/myself. When I get low? Everything falls apart. I am trying to find a way to make sure things don't fall apart when I am low and love myself when I am low. I literally don't know how or if I can ever do that, but I am going to try.

First of all, I would love it someone would just text me stuff like 'smileys' or 'thinking of you, no pressure to reply' when I'm depressed. I isolate so much when depressed and keep it very hidden from people as best I can. I ignore calls, don't want to be bothered, I hate voice mails. But the fact is that most people I know don't even believe in bipolar or depression, they think I should just snap out of it. I would love it if someone understood and came to me in preparation with concern and wanting to help. You are a very good friend!

-Sory this turned into a rant....

I have never, ever, ever agreed with this statement. I hear it all the time from people "you can't love anyone if you don't love yourself." To me, that's the biggest cop our and BS in the world. What this really says to me is "You don't love me the way I want you to."

Let me give you two different statements.

"How can I love myself if I've never been taught how to love myself?"

"How can I love myself if I've never felt worthy of love?"

This is something I know for a fact about my negative self talk and bad self-esteem:

Even as a small child I felt like a burden to the world. Not only was I picked on and bullied by my peers ruthlessly until my late teens, I even felt like an outcast in my own family, not due to abuse but because I was a sensitive kid and instead of teaching me to learn to handle my emotions I was just told "you're too dramatic/sensitive." When I would complain of the bullies, what was I told? "Ignore them and they will leave you alone." That's possibly the biggest lie people tell their kids. When I brought up time and again I thought I had depression, what was I told? "Suck it up, everyone is depressed." When I attempted suicide, did anyone bring to the ER? No. Did anyone even ask me about it? No. I was left to figure it out on my own.

When you take a child and among his/her peer group they are outcasted. Then among their elders they are not given the help and support they need to learn to deal with what's happening to them... How do you think that kid feels? No one cares about me, so why should I?

Next on the list: my appearance.
"You're so ugly you look like you were dipped in acid." That was bad enough. But how about: "You're so ugly your mom got cancer and died." Yup. That was said to me. I was told I was ugly by my peers from my earliest memories. Even one of my mother's friends, when I was about 11, said to her, "She was such a cute baby, what happened?" Right in front of me.

So again, when you grind this into a person day after day for their entire childhood and adolesence and then turn around and say "why do you have poor self esteem about your appearance?" Gee. I wonder...

So because of these things, I am now incapable of love? I am now devoid of a basic human emotion? Hell no! I am a very loving and caring person. I love my kids with my whole soul. I love my husband to the fullest. I build them up and tell them I love them because I had to live through all of that. Because I don't want anyone to live through what I did.

I might be a bit moody, and negative at times. Maybe I'm not a "dream girl" or a "super mom," but that doesn't mean I don't love. And even though I have bipolar that doesn't mean my words and actions won't hurt other people, so I've had to learn to navigate with this illness. I've had to learn when to say, "I feel depressed," or "I feel manic." And I've had to fight a lot and long time to get where I am and it's not easy, and some days I want to lay on the ground and say, "when will someone just carry me the rest of the way?" But, I know it won't happen. So I go. And I say, "Not today."

And why? Not because I love me. Because I love my family. And they are the one thing I've got and even in the depths of my own hell I see their faces and I feel the pain I felt losing my mom, and I see the devistation it caused my dad. So I keep going.

So don't let anyone ever tell you that you can't feel love. Because that's such a hurtful and negative thing to tell someone. It's like calling someone a monster.

First off, don't be sorry for typing a lot. You can't understand how much I like hearing other people's perspectives on things. This site has been a God send in that not only can I vent, but I get different opinions than mine which get me to look at things differently. The people, like yourself, and their opinions make this site what it is.

I see what you are saying 100%. I too had some years of being bullied in school but thankfully grew to be big enough that I wasn't an "easy target" in high school even though I'd be quicker to run than fight. My family was rarely understanding of me either and I was also told to suck it up, everyone has hard times... yada yada yada. My ex wife went so far as to say I wasn't capable of actually loving due to the way I was raised.

Maybe it's stupid of me to think it's true, that I can't love if I don't love myself.

But here is why I do think it to be true, for me.

When I am manic or in the middle, I can love like no one else on this earth. I have a huge heart. When I am depressed? It goes away. I literally fall out of love and I think it's because I hate myself.

To me, it sounds like you are saying that no matter what, you can love your family and husband. Correct me if I am wrong. I can't love when I am depressed. That part of me dies.

Obviously I said I am kind of confused by that line... the "You can't love if you don't love yourself." On some level it seems true with me. I get depressed, hate myself and then lose whatever love I have for anyone else. But maybe you are right, maybe I am still loving in some way I can't see because I am so depressed.

I really don't know what to think on this one, it confuses me. I feel like on some level, it's true. But maybe that is part of me hating myself? That line is almost like blaming me for not being able to love and damn if I don't love some blame when I am down.

Aww I am in complete awe of you guys , I.feel.a little selfish going on about me and my situation, I love my friend soo very much and want to help, and support him , but hearing your stories reminds me I want to support you all,

I can tell you this: PsychCentral is a great community and it is a huge benefit for me to come here and read and comment and vent as needed. If your friend is ever in a place where he wants to reach out to others, this is a good place to go for that.

Ty , I told him.about this site, really.hoping he joins here

did you ever think that way? Yes a lot but when we don't FEEL we love the other person we KNOW we do. We are usually much more attentive to the other person and do things that show them we love them because we don't feel it at the time. Eventually the mood passes and we both breath a sigh of relief. In our relationship neither of us are allowed to decide if we are lovable because most people are there own harshest critics.

That's awesome that it works like that for you. I am the complete opposite.

When I am feeling like that, I sabotage whatever my most important relationship is because I hate myself so much I convince myself there is no reason for that person to be with me.

Hell, today I was supposed to see this woman that I have be whining about on this site being the best thing for me but instead I am ditching her because I don't think I can handle someone who loves me right now. I'd just get there and do things to make her hate me because that's how I feel right now.

When I am not loving myself I am never doing things to make the other person feel better, I am doing the opposite to get them to go away so they can make sure they get with someone else who isn't such a drain on their life.