Do People with bipolar like???

Robert im so sorry.things get hard like that for you, wow so similiar to my friend, I had a question too about hypersexuality, does that happen alot? Alsobis being or feelimg selfish.a big part of bipolar? One time my friend said he liked me as more than.a friend, and we got close but he was hesitant to take it further, said he liked me amd respected me too much thats why he couldnt let.it go further bwcause it was selfish of him.and being selfish.is one of his big failings, have you ever felt that way.and pushed someone away, he can.push me away but im.not leaving, im.staying

Great thread. Hope I can remember and coherently answer some.

Check on? Yes (with same caveats others stated). Though I really want to be left alone (intense self-hate, mortification of my freakishness being seen --made worse by sometimes being delusionally convinced that others can see my appearance in a form that don't actually exist outside my own mind <hard to explain> , etc.), not being checked on at all only reinforces that I am loathesome and completely alone in this world. That said, I am horrified of being checked on because I don't know what to do, let alone express anything approaching just how bad it really is. Probably partially a trust issue, but mostly it's knowing that to say is to ruin my --as I see it-- necessary secretiveness. A few years ago, I had an actual friend. A couple times, he "made" me go out when he noticed me starting to isolate. This was very touching as in decades of periodioc long severe depressions, no one had. (Or if they did, ignored it/me.) I didn't say anything about how touching this was. Or couldn't. And maybe a small part of me says that it was just coincidence, so don't do anything to shatter the illusion. Yeah, messed up. As you can see, it's complicated(!)

Truly love? Yes. Though when depressed, you'd never know it. I wouldn't say I fall out of love so much as I can't feel it. In either direction, to or from. To be honest, the subject doesn't even occur to me. (I usually get anhedonic depression and feel nothing about anything. Or anyone. To those who usually get highly emotional in depression, do not envy this. It's just another place in hell.) Can't think of a time I've ever told anyone I've fallen out of love with them on account of it. It's not even on my radar.
This made me cry. Very succinct truth.

Oh, and as for lying? This is not a feature of bipolar. Just like the rest of the population, some do, some don't, some a little, some a lot. The only lying I tend to do is saying things are pretty ok when they are not. At all. Sometimes I wish I could be as good a liar in regards to other things, lol(!) No, really! Hmmm, guess I do do a fair bit of lying by omission (even that was minor till recently). Again in the interest of creating an appearance of ok-ness and to protect others. It makes me very uncomfortable though and I'm quick to deflect. Others are usually eager to talk about themselves, so it works out.
Overall though? You could almost say I'm pathelogically honest.

Editing to include answer to new question.
Selfish being part of BP? No. It would probably be more accurate to say that we can get stuck in our own heads, which might appear as being self-absorbed. Being hesitant to get involved though, yeah, probably not uncommon. For me it's feeling guilty for bringing them into my off-kilter little universe and knowing that ultimately it will not end well, knowing what I know about myself. Which isn't fair to them.

Thank you for asking the question FeelingHopeful and to all who have responded with their great insights. I doubt I have anything of value to add but I wanted to feel a part of the discussion so here I am.

I think it is very hard to be-friend someone with bi-polar. Those who weather the storms are to be commended for their bravery, patience and enormous capacity to love unconditionally. They are the saints among us. At least one would need to be a saint to stick by me.

On the whole, I don’t believe I am very good friendship material so I tend now to keep people at a good distance. This way I think that I can prevent other human suffering. People don’t have to suffer the effects of my love hate; push pull; laugh scream and other flip flopping crazy stuff. I don’t have to suffer the effects of trying to maintain contact with people through all of the crazies. I don’t I have to carry the pain, guilt and humiliation associated with the required accommodations for my crazies.

On the question of love.... yes I can fall deeply in love but I would warn people away because the cost of being tangled with me could be too high for both of us. You can love me one day and hate me the next. It is a painful roller-coaster. It is best I am left alone.

I should never have had a child either. Had my family really understood the implications of this disorder they would have rescued him when I begged them to. I BEGGED! Now he is a young adult who is a walking duplication of all of my dysfunctional training. Seeing him suffer is a punishment worse than death. I pray he finds his way through the crazies better than I have. We love each other through the hard days but it pains me beyond words to know what I have done to him and what still lies ahead of him.

We each find our way through the maze of bi-polar. We have no choice. If a good friend can stay the course we are the better for it. Of that there can be no doubt. Even the most unlovable amongst us need to feel and be loved. One can effectively shut down any sense of that need and detach from the world but the need and yearning will always be there tenderly waiting and hoping to be fed.

When things are up I want people in my life but when they crash I can’t take the pressure. I tried for years to stay connected with friends and family but honestly the price was too high. I don’t want to pretend things are fine when they are not but people seem to need the pretence. It pains me to see people hurting because of me. I think it is too hard for most people to buy into the bi-polar causation and I know that. It makes it hard to build relationships with that between us. The elephant in the room. I don’t hold it against them because I mostly think it is just a bogus excuse sometimes too. Sadly, I also think it isn’t but there you have it.

I wish you continued patience and resilience FeelingHopeful. Your friend is lucky to have you in his corner.

RobertDark: Sorry, here's our logic and you can't add but to it.

We are not allowed to pick our friend's partners. This was the hardest to get through my head. A good friend does not sabotage there friend's relationship no matter how much we hate there friend's partner. Agree?
You try to go out of your way for your friends when your friend is in a crappy relationship. Agree?

Remember you agreed......

Your partner is your best friend. Agree?
You currently hate your best friend's partner. Agree?
You are not allowed to sabotage your best friends relationship because you hate their partner. You already agreed to this!!! lol...

You best friend, you feel, is currently with a jerk? because right now you don't care for the way you are. Agree?

So... You have to go out of your way for your friend (partner) while they are with a jerk. As much as you HATE there partner you are not allowed to sabotage their relationship or choose who your friend (partner) is with. Agree?

I don't know if I made it clear.. If not I can try again.

You guys really are so wonderful on here

I'l just warn anyone that doesn't want to read about sex, don't read this.

The hypersexuality, for me, comes out in my hypomanic states. That's been about every three months the past year now. It took me a while to realize that I was hypersexual because when I didn't have anyone around I 'just' used porn and I figured that was 'normal' because, hell, all guys do it right? Difference was that I had to push boundaries, get into the taboo and I couldn't stop watching it if I wanted to. So I was hyper sexual, even without a girlfriend.

With a girlfriend the hyper sexuality feels much less wrong. But I still look to push boundaries and do things outside the 'norm'. The last girlfriend was very open to everything but the thing I would find was that once I came down from my mania, I was ultra embarrassed about the things I wanted and did. In my mania I will do anything and not think twice. The second I come down I am full of shame and regret.

Are people who are bipolar selfish? I think that's a human trait, not a bipolar one. I think I see where your friend is coming from. The way my mind worked with my last girlfriend was that (after the first time I pushed her away) I knew I was going to get depressed and fall out of love again. Therefore my mind told me it was selfish to have a relationship (sexual or otherwise) with her when I was okay/manic because I knew that depression and falling out of love would come. So we'd have a weekend together, have great sex and then I would feel immense guilt the next day because I was preparing for that depression again, even though I had no idea when or IF it would come (and it does come, but sitting around and worrying myself into it is stupidity, but that's how it works for me). So I THOUGHT I was being selfish when I was in good moods because I knew the storms were coming.

That actually makes a ton of sense and that's a great way to put it. Now... can I apply this to myself so I stop sabotaging my relationships? I dunno, but that gave me a whole other way to look at it. Thank you for that. Seriously.

I feel like I am always being selfish while at the same time being self-less. I live for others not myself. I would opt out of life if I could do it without causing pain to others.

But selfish, or the appearance of selfishness seems to be a part of my everyday and yes I do think it is in big part because of the bi-polar crap. People can not count on me to be consistant. I protect myself from the downside of commitment by being non-commital. I think that is selfish of me.

I am so absorbed by my own problems I can be oblivious to others in need. Once I recognize their need I can be all over it with no thought of myself but I am not as attentive to other as I once was so I appear heartless sometimes I think. Too often I hear of things after the fact and wonder 'where was I? Why wasn't I there for them?' Or when my son says to me, 'Its not about YOU mum!' when I think I am being helpful by relating but obviously get too caught up in my own stuff to be of help. Selfish is what it is.

There are lots of little and big ways that selfishness plays into my day. I used to be the go to person. Not so much anymore. I have pushed so many people out of my life that there aren't many left for me to care about or to give anything to. I try to make up by doing things in the community but even there, no one can depend on me so what value do I bring. Maybe it is a selfless act of kindness to spare them any of my drama-making potential. lol

I think like most things with bi-polar selfishness/self-lessness are evidenced in their extremes. On one side of the bi-polar coin I will lay down my life for anyone if it will mean they will be spared pain or suffering; I feel their pain as though it were my own. On the other side I don't have a clue anyone is in pain or could benefit from my help and support; I am too self absorbed to notice and too self absorbed to care.

I am generous and giving and caring to a fault sometimes but I am also selfish and self absorbed to a fault and the bi-polar crazies are integral to it all I think.

No, I like being left alone for the most part.