[Kymaro]

So I thought I was doing just fine, no warning sighs nothing. A friend of mine made a stupid judgement and it scared my daughter and I came home from work (after thinking about it for an hour or so) and like a rabid animal with no warning sign I attacked her, verbally and physically by throwing anything I could reach at her. Upon my friend defending herself my daughter (age 16) jumped into the fight by trying to justify my actions "one look at my daughter she ran". It took my hubby to physical restrain me to end the fight.

I can remember the fight like it just happened, physically and emotionally. But everyone continues to tell me a different story "things I don't remember saying or doing" Apparently I got a few good hits in on her, and on my hubby during his attempt to restrain me. My daughter said "I thought you were going to kill her, you didn't even look like yourself" I was angry but never would I ever feel the need to "attempt to kill anyone". I'd call them all full of lies expect my friend and my hubby has markings to prove it all. The hubby held me down until I broke down and cried forever it felt like. Later in the night my friend calls me to a "neutral" area and asked for forgiveness!!! She apologized for scaring my daughter, if anything it should have been ME asking for forgiveness. She tell me "we are best friends forever, we may fight, hate each other and sometimes just be pure insane, but we will always love each other for who we are" (She is bipolar similar than I but not as extensive as i am" Any way enough said.........

Still today I look in the mirror and not sure who is looking back at me?

I guess it depends what that "stupid judgement" was that your friend made?

could be a whole range of responses that are justified or not

lets say it was justified.....and then you have a highly developed protective side to you.

lets say it was something else and then it's something else yep

I've witnessed many such things and I'm glad it worked out ok for everybody

that mirror effect is expected but I'm wondering if you look real close to your eyes...you might find some trust in there...

Whoever your friend was she hit a nerve in you that is not often shown. I'm sorry this happened to you, but you might want to discuss it with your psychiatrist, too.

A friendship that provokes violence is one to question in your mind, I feel. Why would a friend want to create an atmosphere like that for you?

I'd think again about wanting that friendship; have you ever thought about trying to distance yourself from her a little to keep the calm? It might help.

I've heard it said that the closer we are to someone the greater the danger of
explosion.

Maybe she called you again because of the fear of losing the friendship. I'd have a
gentle talk with her, I think, if for no other reason than for your daughter's sake.

Take care of yourself.

Genetic