[LittleMoody]

I have Bipolar, but was not diagnosed until I had already steered my life down a path that no one had ever imagined for me. I was always the quiet, polite, honest, caring girl that excelled at everything. But before my senior year of high school things started slowly spinning out of control unexplainably. I became depressed and withdrawn from my friends. I changed my entire appearance from my hair to my wardrobe to piercings and a giant tattoo! I started drinking at nights by myself in my room. I became involved with a married thirty year old man. (he was separated from his wife but the divorce was not final) I lied and hurt people I loved. I ended up pregnant. I destroyed my reputation as well as my family's and they ended up shutting down the family business because the small town rumor mill hurt them so bad. I know everyone doesn't believe in God, but I truly believe that He sent me my daughter to set me on a better path than the one I was going, as odd as that may seem. But I was just wondering some things... I feel like I am not this horrible person, but I made the decisions, was it bipolar or am I really that terrible? And how can I ever right the wrongs?

I think looking at in terms of right and wrong might actually be more damaging than good. You made choices and while no one can say if it was all bipolar or you, no one has the right to judge your choices anyways.

Life is all just a practice you know. We do things, say things, maybe later we decide that wasn't good for us or what we would choose now, but that's just part of the learning experience. You are learning better ways for yourself to be happier and healthier, learning from what you did. That's what matters. That is if you want to call it righting the wrongs.

There isn't a single person in this planet that hasn't made choices that later they realized wernt the best ones for them. It's just human. I think accepting that you are human and have had hard times, and good times, and things didnt always turn out like you or thought is just part of the experience of being human might be helpful.

I've made many choices in my past that I later saw was not a great choice, but in the end I'm here now, not in the past or future, so what I do right now, is what matters most.

[BlueInanna]

I believe you can make it right, but main point is to forgive yourself. We all make mistakes along the way. Sometimes huge mistakes that feel like they will loom over us forever, but with time it will get better. You have your daughter now to be strong for. Try to be resilient and keep perspective. This is life, everyone on their own path, making mistakes, then learning, helping others, cycle continues. It's ok that your path is different from most of the people in your town, actually a good thing I think to be unique. You sound like you've learned much in a short amount of time. Try to tell yourself good things, and be kind to yourself.

[ChristySpirals]

A town judging a family based on the teenagers mistakes is so stupid but I so get the small town mentality, I live in one too. The key is to continue to hold your head up high, even if you aren't feeling it, and keep on living regardless of what ppl are whispering behind your back. I tend to leave messes too where I live, even into adulthood. It has affected me and my family and I would change that in a heartbeat if I could but I can't. I don't need to tell anyone in this ***** hole town that I have "issues", they know I farted before even I did it seems. A good attitude like I am going to have fun no matter who is watching has done me good, I have ppl asking me to come by to their homes still.

[flame78]

I've done many things I regret and yes in part I blame the bi polar. I do think there are symptoms of bipolar that influence our behavior and therefore the choices we make. However I think you can definitely take something from each of the last 3 wonderful posts. I can mostly help by again going back to my personal experience. I definitely had to learn to forgive myself. It helps when others forgive but for me I finally realized I had to forgive myself. I also do not believe I'm a bad person and many people would be shocked by the things I've done! So yes that's why I do also believe that the bipolar has some influence. But again refer to the other posts.

[flame78]

And yes you can make it right, just give it time, time really does help to heal all things. Also just be who you are which sounds like an open person who is willing to take responsibility. People will, at least at some point, respect that. I do.

[BlackPup]

We all make mistakes and none of them are unforgivable. Even though they sometimes feel like it at times.
However we have to take responsibility for the consequences of our actions whether or not they are BP induced or not.
I'm glad you feel like your daughter has set you on a better path. I wish both of you all the best

[LittleMoody]

Thank you all for the supportive posts. I don't care so much what people say about me it's just hard for me to see things that cause harm to my family. Plus being a parent myself, a young parent at that, I want to have a good reputation. My daughter deserves the kind of mother all the other kids have. It's just hard with people knowing my past, plus being 19 years old when she was born, it's like I'm under a microscope. I shouldn't care but I just don't want to give people any more reasons to talk.

[hamster-bamster]

I live in the melting pot of the Silicon Valley where no one would have cared whom a teenage gal is sleeping with and whether his divorce is finalized, so I cannot relate to your pain, but suffice it to say, it sounds like you are in a very tough situation and I wish you strength.