[Secretum]

or do you let it show? I try my best to hide mine. I put on a fake smile, try to act normally, etc. My brother, on the other hand (who has unipolar illness) is not afraid to show all of his symptoms. He'll put his head down on the dinner table if he is feeling fatigued and down.

So, which type of depressive are you?

[purpledaisy]

I've tried to hide it for a long time, but I've noticed as I'm getting older (I'm now 46) I'm getting more of an attitude of not caring what other people think of me.

It has always bothered me when people look at me and say, "Smile!" Most of my life, I have felt like I didn't have much to smile about.

My depression has grown steadily worse and it really is difficult to hide these days.

Once I start the downward spiral, I try to hide from the world so they won't see what's going on.

[mommyof2girls]

I am half and half if that makes any sense..... There are times when I take great pride in my appearance, make sure my hair is done just right, and my make up is flawless, and I put on a huge smile on my face, and make it seem that nothing is wrong..... But there are other times when I am just to tired and worn out to make an effort to put on a "show" so to speak....

[BlueInanna]

I try to hide mine, except with my mom, very close friends or a safe place like here.

[Confusedinomicon]

Since starting Lithium I haven't had a real severe depression. All I get now is *maybe* a week where my emotions are completely haywire, and I know that it will just take some time before they reset.

I still overreact to stuff, though, and I can be really defensive.

[~Christina]

Except for a brief time back in 93 and this past year I always kept it hidden.. Did it help me to hide it? No I dont think so ..

[BipolaRNurse]

I'm old enough that I really don't care that much what people think, but I do try to hide my depressive episodes at work and am relatively successful at it. By contrast, my hypo/manic episodes are IMPOSSIBLE to hide because they are florid and loud and obnoxious.

Unfortunately, I've had a rough time of it this summer in between all the med tweaks and my natural tendency to be more energized and happy in the warm months. I'm settling down now, but not before I scared the hell out of my staff and even worried my easygoing boss, who gave me "the talk" recently. (Translation: "Whatever you've got to do to get better, do it!!!") My filter has been clogged, which makes my mouth go off completely independent of my brain, and sometimes I get my priorities all mixed up and go chase something that's got nothing whatsoever to do with what I need to be working on.

My depressions, though......When I was diagnosed last winter, my senior floor supervisors were astonished to learn I was BP. They knew I was sometimes loud and vociferous and other times very quiet and calm, but until I switched into mania in early June, they never saw my illness in its full glory. I wish they hadn't. I wish no one I work with had seen that part of it, because they've lost some of their trust in me and that hurts.

The depression that I have experienced in the past has been pretty debilitating...I isolate, sleep, have no energy or motivation at all. Nothing remotely interested me. I folded into myself at those times. I did not want anyone to see me because I was in so much pain...also because I was so depressed I had no appetite, thus my energy level was incredibly low.

Since I have started talk therapy, I find myself not getting that low. I have more tools now so if I do start spirling down, I am more able to catch myself before it gets so bad I cannot leave the house.

Some days, though, I feel miserable but I manage to get up, get dressed and show up. I don't try to fake it anymore because it takes too much energy. Also, I am working really hard to feel my feelings and react appropriately.

I still have a long way to go but I am hoping things continue to improve.

[Big Mama]

I definiatelly fake it. One of my son's T's told me I'm so sorry I had no idea all this was going on in your life. You are always smiling. You just seem to take things in stride. No one (almost no one ) knows the depression and anxiety I feel or the stress I'm under. I think I like it that way on the other hand I've never known it any other way.

[Merlin]

I used to hide it almost universally, but the not knowing how I was frustrated my family and worried them. Nowadays, I tend to be more open about my mood episodes with my friends and family, but I only go into detail with a few of them and not always then. I hide it as much as possible in public though.

[Miss Laura]

I definately hide mines. I hide it cause I don't want people to see me like that, I don't want people to see the real me when I am ill. I have always masked my depression and I'm pretty good at it until it gets really bad then I explode and tell someone

[dillpickle1983]

It's pretty obvious of my symptoms. I have BPD but I'm very passive usually, but sometimes when the depression takes hold I tend to lose it more frequently. I try to hide it, but it seems to always show.

[sugahorse1]

I"m also half and half. I think those close to me will pick it up. Others won't.
But I'm not good at wearing a mask. If I get depressed, I also withdraw a lot from people, so I don't have to wear a mask if I'm not inter-acting with them

[Trippin2.0]

I deactivated my shame gland years ago. I WILL feel what I bloodywell feel! Except at work

[mojave_rose8]

I am VERY good at hiding my depression -- sometimes, I am so good at it I appear hypomanic but I am not, really.

It's annoying, because I feel like clinicians (including those in the psych ward) have downplayed the degree of my depression because I joke and laugh and seem generally ok. There was a point I was quite suicidal, and part of its cause was the thinking, "I feel SO BAD and no one can see it ... so, killing myself will show them *how* much pain I am really in." I don't think those feelings were a cry for help as much as the utter desperation of someone drowning and not being able to convey they are drowning ... if that makes sense.

I can't really control my affect, but I *know* when I am depressed and masking vs. truly hypomanic.

[BlackPup]

I definitely mask it - or at least try to ( i don't always succeed) some people can always tell and when things get bad then theres no hiding it cos i can't get out of the house so its pretty obvious. I never put on a mask with my T or pdoc - they get the true me...

[Tsunamisurfer]

Yeah, I try to hide it, but I don't do a very good job. My agitation probably makes me seem less depressed, so when I avoid people or seem confused, it bewilders people until I come out with it.

I reckon that its the depression thats hiding me.....whoever that is?

[Irreplaceable]

When I am at work, that is when I attempt to hide it the most...But when I am feeling really down, depressed, and stressed, it's hard to hide and I mostly don't care...When I am out and about, I really don't care...

In general, it really depends on how depressed I am... At work I try to tone it down... Thankfully I have a position where I don't have to work closely with too many people. I stay at my cube, listen to music, and type away.... Isolation is my best friend sometimes...

[regretful]

It's getting more difficult to hide it, despite the medication having some positive effect. Who I can, and do, mostly conceal it from is my son. He'll have to know about my depression when he's an adult (for health history purposes) but at his age, he does not need to know what I'm dealing with on a daily basis.

[insideout]

i hide it.

I hide it so much that people thinking am so happy all the time in work, in fact I feel like a street angel and house devil! When I get home or spend any time on my own is when I get so bad that I just want to curl up and die com not see anyone!