Just wondering-how many had parents who were not the Brady Bunch parents

After responding to Hamster Bamster's thread, I wondered if I am the only one who had a set of screwed up parents. I had a mom who was diagnosed as manic depressive, but after discussing her behaviors with my t, she probably was bipolar. I had a dad who was diagnosed as bipolar, and long before the diagnosis was responsible for csa (sorry, can't type the words out).
Normal for me was sitting on a barstool, and it didn't matter which parent I was with. My mom was the nice one. She made sure we were entertained and she should have kept us from my dad.
I won't go into details of our time at his house, but when we were at the bars, he was too selfish to allow three children under ten to entertain themselves with pinball. We just had to wait for him to finish his drinking. You might think that we would complain, but, as my brother describes the behavior, he would hit us for no reason, and you never saw it coming.
I don't know what board this should actually be posted in, but I am bipolar, and you are the friends I most relate with. Thanks, everyone!
Bluemountains

I had an alcoholic dad too. I'm sorry for your experience. There's an ACOA board here.

My mom has suffered from depression on and off for the last 30 some years of her life, so she was mostly checked-out. Never had a dad (he took off before I was born). My brother (15 years older than me) used drugs in front of me, sister (17 years older) was emotionally abusive from basically as long as I can remember.

I'm sorry for what you went through having a not-so-stellar family isn't great. I feel like most the people I know (irl) have similar family situations. I don't know if that is just the type of people I attract, or if it is just a common occurrence to have a pretty messed up family, but either way it sucks to know so many people are affected by this.

Me too, alcoholic dad. i know he would've been bp too if he'd had right dx. But he got help from AA, and exercized a lot, read self-help books, but continued to have episodes where he'd cheating on my mom, or depressed staying in his room right after work. i'd eaves drop on their fights, luckily they didn't include me in the details of the affairs he had. my mom was mostly calm, nice, fun, a little depressed sometimes.

i felt like we didnt fit in, in the neighborhood. my p's were a little anti-social and we didn't have a lot of friends over and i liked it like that too.

im going to look for the ACOA board, thanks Moose

You aren't alone. I had a depressive mother who loved us and tried her best - but six kids was just 4 too many,and many a day she just hid in bed; an emotionally distant (but trying hard to be there for us) father; and a ba$tard of a stepfather who singled me out for severe emotional abuse. As if that weren't enough, I had an older sister who was bpd and bipolar or schizo (heavy into the paranoia), and used to do things like trying to kill herself on my birthday, mother's day, or other holidays.

The Brady Bunch we were not!

My parents tried to hide the dysfunction, and now as truths surface, i'm trying to not let it affect me.
My mum never gave me any affection after I was old enough to wipe my own arse. My dad had a drinking problem (idk if i was affected, but will elaborate) He got drunk with his buddies, came home penniless, weddingringless, had an affair/s, a possible child, and APPARANTLY I went with him everywhere. I know I used to hide his car keys so I could tag along, but don't remember ANY of our outings. Why this concerns me now? I blocked out my csa imposed on me by my older brother, only remember flashes. Recently I learned that my eldest sister also suffered csa, by my FATHER, the man I worshipped and followed around like a puppy coz he gave me the affection my mum wouldn't. And when she told my mum, she accused my sister of seducing him, and she was threatened and guiltripped into silence by my eldest brother, whom I also hero-worshipped (not my abuser). Both 'heroes' are now dead, my sister told me post-mortem, after i let slip that i've been screwed up since age 9. She put 2 and 2 together, but I never told her who my abuser is coz I dont want to wreck my family, and idk how to feel about what she told me... My mum wanted a divorce when I was in HS, finances stopped her, my dad had some secret financial trouble, all of a sudden we went from wanting for nothing, to not having food. He cashed in my policy that was set up for university, I never went. Nobody knows where any of his money went... These days, I hardly speak of my 'heroes', my sister cnntinues to be the ever faithful daughter, and looks after our mum. My mother continues to be as cold as ice, except toward my brother, and her grandkids... She goes out of her way for my brother, while I remain an after thought, except for when I need to scratch in my purse or help her figure out how to survive the last week of the month. Thats when I'm the go-to guy... So, my family? not THAT bad, but fully disguised as the Brady bunch to the outside world.

Wow, can't believe I just 'confessed'.

I honestly believe that all parents are dysfunctional. There is no such thing as a perfect person, so what makes a perfect parent?

I consider my parents really good, but it didn't change the fact that they had their own set of problems. Nearly all my years in high school my parents fought constantly about different things. My dad had a problem/infection which helped cease their romantic relationship. My mom is from South Korea and as I grew up she became very home sick. For the language, the food and her family. She wanted to live near the ocean and eat fresh fish. However, my dad decided he liked Arizona and we never left. (He was in the military and stationed in Arizona.)

Once I went to college, my parents started to make some amends. They don't have an intimate relationship, but they're happy in their marriage as far as I know.

talking about my parents might trigger some people. So if you are triggered by religious, emotional abuse issues, please stop reading!!








My mom is who I get my bipolar from. She is such a classic case of bipolar disorder. Instead of doctors... which scares her to death... she chose religion as a means to bury herself into. She would always play me and my sisters against each other and our alcoholic dad. She would involve us in her mental games too. Ugh... and my dad supported her instead of doing the right thing by us. I was like her serogate husband growing up, taking her scorn of my dad because he was never around. She tried to make me hate all men, in gods name. She liked to play mind games with me too. She gave me money for drugs and cigarettes, even though I told her what I wanted the money for. She then would tell my dad what I was spending the money on and him and I would get into physical fights over it while she sat back and watched. Fortunately, being the youngest and the only male child, and for the fact I had no inhibitions, I was enough to keep the focus off of my sisters.

They felt that supporting me was letting me do whatever I wanted without a care. My dad is into guns. He would ask me to get him high capacity clips for his handguns. Ugh. This one time... After my si attempt at the age of 15, they briefly discussed getting me help. they had the money to do so. But instead of giving a crap about me at all, they spent the money on one of those pyramid schemes and lost it all. Ha! I'm happy they lost it all, it would have eaten me up knowing the money that should have gotten me help and saved me years of pain was successful in that damn scheme.

They were very, very emotionally abusive. And my mom religiously abusive too. She would withdraw her attention because I was not following gods plan. I grew up alone and angry.. hence my abandonment issues. My onset of bp was at age nine. They talk about that time like the "devil" had gotten a hold of me and not even recognizing that anything was wrong. Ugh! I'm happy now that my onset was at age nine, I'm happy that I didn't give in to them and I grew strong enough to stand against them. I'm happy that I fought back with my dad and didn't let him just beat me, but that I swung back. I can still feel the one time that my punch connected and I got him square on the side of the head, how weak his head felt against my fist. I'm happy that I learned to play mind games and gained a little control regarding my mom. I'm just happy that it wasn't easy for those bastards to destroy me! Ugh!

I should stop now. I'm getting too worked up.

I really feel for all of you with parents that did not act the way they should. I know the scars it leaves and I'm really sorry.

Maybe this post should come with a trigger warning...lol. I just learned what those were. Maybe most my previous posts should have had one too. oh well.

Other than flashes I have no memories under 12. The rest is sorta of a mom that lost it quite a bit. Her friend died when I was 14, my best friends mom, her best friend. Life was messed up. My sis became a teen mom and was kicked out. Anyways mom decided her 3 kids needed a new role model (bless her heart) but what that entailed was her forgetting about all of us and going and smoking dope with the cool kids. You know she actually tried to peer pressure me into smoking weed?? I took a puff and blew it out without inhaling to shut her up. Around this time was when she liked to feel like a boxer, she'd pick fights or wait for opportunities after I would eff up and it was like she had the adrenaline of a meth addict, ready to brawl. I ran out of the house shoeless sometimes just to get away from her during those. Then it would be my fault, "what did you tell your little friends you *****". She loved that one because she new my dad wasn't there to save me. My dad smacked her mouth after she called me a ***** in front of him, smacked mine too for calling her one back. But when I was 16 I became her lil model child. I was down to 100lbs, hair growing on my body, hair falling out of my head, bags under my eyes but I could fit those size zero jeans she thought were just so cute. Most parents would get their kids help for an eating disorder, mom took me shopping lmao. Im done for now

My dad caused my eating disorder.

Manic depressive and bipolar are the same thing....

There were really good times too, I don't want to give the wrong impression. My siblings, dad and I were pretty cool. My mother just ruined or tried to ruin everything with her constant screaming and throwing things. Or she would go over the top and become this doting mother of the year to the point of suffocating you. If you don't drink that disgusting cup of neocitrin, even though you aren't sick, then you don't get to go skiing with us tomorrow. Ugh, maybe I do need counseling lmao.

Trippen, I promise, almost every time you post something, I can relate...You sound like me here...Like I said before in another thread, we should talk...Seriously...I only read half of what you wrote and about everything is me all day...About to read the rest...You're a cool chick....Like me. Lol..

Oops, I meant to say clinical depression, and my sister is diagnosed with major depression-I'm not sure if these are the same thing.

Its so sad and such a relief that you relate so much Talk we should

My Mum & Father were both bipolar. Both have always been addicted to drugs & my Dad was an alcoholic. I am also pretty positive my Mum is either dependent or histrionic & my Dad was a narcissist. My Mum was TECHNICALLY the better of the two because she raised me after the separation occured, but it wasn't better by much. She continued the abuse even though it wasn't to the same degree of severity. And between making me look after her & our house expenses from a young age, as well as having phone sex with my first boyfriend & having my sister wind up in foster care? I just lost all respect & am not sure I'll ever have it for her again. Even though she's finally in treatment after being in jail 8 or 9 times, she hasn't really changed at all in terms of irresponsibility.

My parents are still together so no divorce and extra siblings, we didn't have a maid either. Just upper middle class not rich like the Brady Bunch!

But seriously, I think they're normal. If we want horror stories, dad went through some suicidal depression, mom is a maniac only in the most domesticated. And religious sense, nothing illegal, abusive or even fun. Sure some fights, stress thinking dad may have offed himself or wondering why mom is pretty much just laying in bed for 2 weeks and maybe a slap or two but, nothing all that interested.

What I get from it? A few yrs of thinking everyone is this moody and that hypomania is productive, enjoyable and leads to much succeesses so, if you can, don't let the doctors take that away!

No, it is possible, it is just unfortunately very rare. My ex is a nearly perfect father to our daughters. And back in his prior marriage when he had another pair of kids, he was a pretty good father too, although not as nearly as good as wisdom and dedication came with age. The sad thing is, the kids take it all for granted. Maybe one day they will realize how lucky it is NOT to be a victim of CSA, but right now they are sometimes mad at their dad for that he is not some corporate big wig like some of their classmates' parents. They do not realize that he made a choice to stay with them and that decimated his career. But they are not always mad, more often they are affectionate with him and the younger one is especially supportive - she would cook dinner (at her level) if he is feeling sick, for instance. I hope that as they grow up and get exposed to other people and their stories, they will appreciate what their father has done for them more.

My heart goes out to each of you. How you've managed to become such good, compassionate people having lived through all of these episodes described is an amazing tribute to your strength and sanity.

I've heard one psychiatrist say that "it's a tragedy" regarding all of the things some children go through in being reared. But the truth is, that almost all of you have
maintained a wisdom and understanding of life that many, many do not have.

Is it possible that it could have all been some type of blessing that was given to you
for your maturity? And that you will never let that happen to your children?

I never thought of bipolar illness as anything except an inherited illness. I wonder now, after reading all your posts, if it's a mental illness brought on by abuse of one
type or another. Nevertheless, you've all made it through it admirably. And
that's another thing my psychiatrist said, "you made it through it alive".

Keep your spirits strong and know that all will be better as you live your lives in
helping others and watch your children grow into smart, compassionate, and thinking people.

Thanks for these posts.

Genetic

Genetic,

You are exactly right - the illness is a combination of genetic and upbringing factors. Often the genetic factors create a vulnerability that later can be exploited by abusive upbringing to produce a florid disease. But some people get the disease through genetics in pure form. For instance, my older daughter exhibits some signs of bipolar and who knows, might go on to develop the disease (with manic prevalence, not depression), and she has never been abused but rather enjoyed a wonderful childhood (see my post about her father above). It is not just her father who contributed - when they were little, I was a good mom, before my disease really reared its ugly head, and she was, for instance, breastfed until she stopped herself - she was not forcefully weaned. So no abuse whatsoever, yet she might by symptomatic.

PS I said I would not respond to your posts, but since I am agreeing with you, I decided to make an exception.

Your observations are valid, genetic; however, in my case I inherited my bipolar from my abuser-my father. I will never consider the damage a "blessing". Perhaps it was a lesson learned too early that guides me to provide all possible opportunities to make sure that my children have normal, happy childhoods.
I do agree that the ptsd caused by csa may affect the brain in some way. I will have to check the internet for any research in this area.
Like HB, one of my children has been diagnosed with a mood disorder and displays symptoms similar to mine. He has had a wonderful childhood and medications along with therapy allow him to control his moods, for the most part.
In my case, oddly enough I am now more angered by the bipolar legacy I have inherited because this is a lifelong illness, a constant reminder. I think if my childhood had been a happy one, I would be much more capable of accepting my bipolar dx instead of hoping that more than one professional has made a mistake. This is what therapy is for, right?
Thanks for your input.

I don't know, bluemountains. I wish I had an answer that could turn things around for everyone, but as you said, it's an illness we'll have as long as we live, unless the good researchers find the solution through gene therapy. (I'm hoping for that!!)

I can say that I'm more content as I've gotten older and learned that everyone has problems. Nobody is scott free of all difficulties.

I was told once that I'd feel sorry for the people in life who have hurt me for whatever reason, and I've learned something about how to steer clear of that type personality.

Facing the reality of it is strengthening, I think, and I'm so glad that you have seen to it that your gifted son is doing all the right things.

Don't you know that you are a winner in life? I think that thought occurs in the minds of everyone who has resolved to manage the illness and live with goodness.

I just finished two books about people who learned to love despite their illnesses. Both were very enlightening.

I've read that the most gentle people are often the ones with the greatest scars.
For those who have been scarred, I hope to Heaven that they have found the way
to overcome it. It seems to me that many here have overcome tremendous struggles.

Your post makes many of us, probably, a good bit more humble about life;life does have so many blessings to offer us if we can just let them touch us. I think that's what makes it so tough when someone in the "family" can't manage their understanding maturely. But, be encouraged--you are far more mature than she, in my view.

Genetic

*** TRIGGER ***

not sure the brady parents are exactly the ideal - the mom had an affair with the oldest son IRL, and the dad was "in the closet" - not that there's anything wrong with that.

My parents were definately NOT like the Brady Bunch. I'm still screwed up today bc of what they put me through.