[Moose72]

So about late September or early October, the light changes and I start feeling this weird detached mania. I can't help it. I go into another world and see things differently. I just told this to my new T at our first appointment ever together. She said "Its the shortening of the days". Yeah. I said "its the QUALITY of the light, not lack of it".

So today, the light looks like THAT and I started disassociating a bit and tried to NOT, but the light is the light and I couldn't help it. The sun STILL hasn't gone down and will go down at 8:30 like yesterday. Why can't anybody understand that the quality of the light triggers me? I feel okay but my brain KNOWS. It just KNOWS. I don't know why I am attracted and disassociate and start to get manic. This is when I start hallucinating. I'm not far enough into it, and I probably won't be until the days start consistantly looking like this around October. Of course, Zyprexa is doing its job. I've been feeling like my prolactin is high lately- achey, like letdown. IT was really bad before during and just after my period. Now its a bit less but I still notice it. I did call about this. The other, I will keep an eye on it until I see my Pdoc in 3 weeks.

I'm sorry, Moose. Doesn't an ultraviolet light lamp help you in the fall and winter?

Sounds like sad; I think I have a little of that, too.

[Moose72]

Yes but SAD makes you depressed. This makes me manic. Only get this in the Fall- or when light is like the fall. It could be very bright sunshine, but its the quality that's different.

[Moose72]

Found this:

Seasonal changes in bipolar disorder
In some people with bipolar disorder, spring and summer can bring on symptoms of mania or a less intense form of mania (hypomania). This is known as reverse seasonal affective disorder. Signs and symptoms of reverse seasonal affective disorder include:

• Persistently elevated mood
• Hyperactivity
• Agitation
• Unbridled enthusiasm out of proportion to the situation
• Rapid thoughts and speech

[cocoabeans]

I sort of get what you're saying. Though for me it's the air and crispness, something about end of summer and fall throws a switch on in my brain.

I once lived in another area of the world with a very different climate and no distinct fall season, it may be nothing but, I don't recall the same kind of maddness.

Tolerate a trip around the globe?

[Moose72]

Ha. Yeah. Maybe if I move to florida, this won't happen. I see Disney World in my future! Now I need a rich husband to pay to live there. hahahah.

[cocoabeans]

Oh, forget Florida, try Asia!

[Moose72]

Asia? That means new language. Where are you?

[Moose72]

The sun is going down now so that's normal. Its not necessarily when its getting darker, though. Its that quality of light that you get with the Fall. It can be bright and sunny out but its got a different shimmer.

[cocoabeans]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Asia? That means new language. Where are you?

I'm in Canada now!

[Moose72]

The sun went down and I had a LOVELY walk in the cool and the wet from the rain. Talked on the phone to a friend- two hour walk/phone call. NICE

[BipolaRNurse]

Originally Posted by Moose72

So about late September or early October, the light changes and I start feeling this weird detached mania. I can't help it. I go into another world and see things differently. I just told this to my new T at our first appointment ever together. She said "Its the shortening of the days". Yeah. I said "its the QUALITY of the light, not lack of it".

So today, the light looks like THAT and I started disassociating a bit and tried to NOT, but the light is the light and I couldn't help it. The sun STILL hasn't gone down and will go down at 8:30 like yesterday. Why can't anybody understand that the quality of the light triggers me? I feel okay but my brain KNOWS. It just KNOWS. I don't know why I am attracted and disassociate and start to get manic. This is when I start hallucinating. I'm not far enough into it, and I probably won't be until the days start consistantly looking like this around October. Of course, Zyprexa is doing its job. I've been feeling like my prolactin is high lately- achey, like letdown. IT was really bad before during and just after my period. Now its a bit less but I still notice it. I did call about this. The other, I will keep an eye on it until I see my Pdoc in 3 weeks.

OMG---you mean somebody ELSE has this too??

I always thought I was just weird. Like a lot of bipolars I get manic in the spring and early summer, but then there's another period in early fall when I become energetic again and clean my house top to bottom, organizing things and laying in supplies for the winter.....as if I were a squirrel storing nuts. The mood is upbeat and extremely optimistic, and it lasts through at least Halloween. Then the holidays come, and life is busy and good for awhile, but then I crash into depression shortly after my birthday in mid-January and I'm pretty much worthless until about Easter.

Hope this will be the winter when I finally break the mold. I've never before had the tools at my disposal that I have now.......maybe I can just skip the whole winter-depression thing this year. Nothing like being an optimist.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BipolaRNurse

OMG---you mean somebody ELSE has this too??

I always thought I was just weird. Like a lot of bipolars I get manic in the spring and early summer, but then there's another period in early fall when I become energetic again and clean my house top to bottom, organizing things and laying in supplies for the winter.....as if I were a squirrel storing nuts. The mood is upbeat and extremely optimistic, and it lasts through at least Halloween. Then the holidays come, and life is busy and good for awhile, but then I crash into depression shortly after my birthday in mid-January and I'm pretty much worthless until about Easter.

Hope this will be the winter when I finally break the mold. I've never before had the tools at my disposal that I have now.......maybe I can just skip the whole winter-depression thing this year. Nothing like being an optimist.

We should keep tabs on how we're doing once September hits. I'm so happy I found a fellow alien that gets this! I don't think "they" understand that it isn't just the amount of light. I've always been sensitive to the "little worlds" inside things, but this seems to change how I see the whole world. Once my brain starts feeling this way, it doesn't go away when I'm inside. Today, however, it DID go away once it rained and was dark outside. That walk completely stopped the episode.

[BipolaRNurse]

I'm already getting little 'twinges' of it, even now in high summer. There's just a tiny, tiny difference in the quality of the light and I can feel myself shifting ever-so-slightly into the high-energy mode of early Fall, which (besides summer) is my favorite time of year. I love the months from July through October---they're my best time.

My pdoc says I'm a very "light-sensitive" bipolar, meaning it doesn't take huge changes in the amount OR quality of light to cause a mood switch. You're probably the same way. Yes, we should compare notes in September to see where we're at on the mood spectrum.......who knows what we can learn from being mindful of our moods during a season change?

[Moose72]

[Moose72]

It's overcast today and cool. I'm lovin it. Reminds me of Vancouver Island.