I've just contributed to the stigma felt by the disabled

I was on my way to Starbucks. Not that I fancy SB immensely, but to prevent caffeine withdrawal headaches. A must. I had slept for three hours only following an anxiety attack, and felt already very crappy. I did not feel up to challenges.

Across the street I saw a disabled man in a wheelchair with his dachshund on a leash. A thin grey-bearded man. I recognized him - he usually hangs out in front of my local grocery store. He probably begs, though I am not positive. I think, but not positive. I usually avoid him. He seems disinhibited, and I do not know if it is a mi or just being incredibly lonely (I am glad at least he has his dachshund).

I needed to cross diagonally - in other words, there were two equally good routes for me to take. I took the route to avoid him. It was very early in the morning, and no one else was in sight. Something tells me that he realized that I was avoiding him, even though there was a 50/50 chance for me to take either route.

I did not feel like saying "Morning", I withheld a smile, I did not muster courage to say (probably honestly, I did not check my wallet, but usually I just carry credit cards) "Sorry I do not have change". I went to SB where everyone was able-bodied and (seemingly) mentally well. And, of course, no one begged. There was a bunch of well-behaved kids with lovely unkempt blonde hair. I felt crappy about myself and did not stay; I promptly took off with my coffee.

On the way back, I started generalizing. When I sit and wait at the county's MH clinic, I avoid eye contact with other patients.

So here you go - I have just contributed to the stigma felt by the disabled.

Nice.

your starbux doesn't have crazy people? I'm moving by you! that'll be one!

OK, we will hang out together then!

I think we all do this to a point I know I've caught myself mostly to avoid the odd conversation that I do not want to have. So don't feel to bad about it I think part of it is human nature.

It's okay, I'm physically handicap and have bipolar.

I sit as far away as I can from everyone else at my center. I even show up 2-3 min. late so I don't have to wait very long w/ my mp3 player & eyes closed so I zone out. This is one of the reasons why Out-patient scares the **** out of me. I blame it on my OCD tendencies but it's really probably MH stigma.

I live very close to a big city and am there frequently. I see 5-10 people like this each trip. I don't know if it's me or you or both of us or everyone but I get the same way when I see a physically handicapped person just hanging out on the street. Not because they are handicapped but because I don't think I've ever seen a person hanging out WITHOUT begging. Its the begging that makes me uncomfirtable, not the person. I avoid them too. Which I know in itself causes a massive stereotype. It makes me feel like a bad person but I can't help it. I avoid them to avoid real discomfort.

I am not normally a prejudiced person so this really bothers me about myself.

Originally Posted by hankster
your starbux doesn't have crazy people? I'm moving by you! that'll be one!
OK, we will hang out together then!

Tee-hee! I just went to starbucks today, too. I was sitting there all stealth- nobody knew I was really a crazy person.

I just wonder what people think of me when I'm wandering around out in public disassociating, in a derealization state or manic.

Hamster, you are a kind and altruistic woman. But you are human too. I think today was just a healthy boundary you set around yourself. We don't have the energy or mood level every single day to smile and give spare change. I know that you do these things when you can. You owe no apologies. my opinion.

Hi HB,
I understand your feelings. I live in a city where I pass at least 3 people daily who have their own stop lights to work for money. Sometimes I give, but sometimes I don't have compassion or money, so I look the other way and I feel very guilty afterwords.

You avoided him not because he is in a wheel chair but, because he is a lonely guy who begs for money and you weren't in the mood to deal with it. You're entitled to your space.

Nothing wrong with that nor do I see avoiding negative situations (judged as such based on past experiences with certain people) as contributing to stigma.

Letting people invade your comfort simply because they might be mentally ill or disabled is just as bad as avoiding people for the same reason.

Thank you, it is true that I just felt like it - not, I did not feel like it. I later spent the whole day unable to sleep and with a crushing non-migraine headache from lack of sleep. I had to skip work (this is a couple of hundred dollars as I am temping and do not have paid sick days.) I slept all Monday. Now I cannot sleep again, even with Temazepam - it gives me one hour of sleep instead of 7-8 as usual. I was just, in that state of mind, too hard on myself. I do not even know if I would be able to go back to work tomorrow... I have just ordered cat food and litter from Amazon for roughly what I would have made yesterday had I slept during the weekend, and I missed an opportunity to prepare for a tough interview. So things were just going bad - no wonder I did not feel up to being generous.

Slightly different angle, but one thing I've noticed is that no one is above generalizing and stigmatizing. This goes for mental health professionals as well. Let me explain.

I am a psychiatrist who also happens to be bipolar. Upon finishing med school and applying to residencies, those privy to my situation encouraged me to avoid any reference to my diagnosis. I had no intention of ever bringing it up, nor is it any of their business, but the mere fact that people pointed this out to me demonstrates just how prevalent stigma is, even amongst those who claim to be fighting it. Many people will cite their experience with, say, diabetes as influencing their decision to pursue a specialty in endocrinology, yet when it comes to mental illness -- even when it's well controlled -- any indication automatically robs you of your credibility. I've joined coworkers in many anti-stigma walks and campaigns, but if you ask any of them if they would admit to having a mental illness, most would call you crazy.

I think it's human nature to avoid strangers. Even though you recognize him, he isn't someone you are aquainted with and there is nothing to say you need to go out of your way to aquaint yourself with him.

Once I was walking and there was a man in my path handing things out to people who passed. I started to freak out that he was going to hand me something. As I got closer my mind was racing that I didn't want anything, but it was the only way to go, because I saw another man across the street doing the same thing. So once I came up to him, he tried to hand me a pamplet and I screamed at him to leave me alone and don't hand me things. He looked utterly terrified that I was going to hit him or something, instead I just ran away.

So, sometimes it's just better to avoid. I don't think it has anything to do with anyone being disabled or not. People like to point fingers, but you don't know what someone is going through in their own mind.

Hope you are feeling better Hamster

Yes, finally! But slept one half of Tuesday because I took extra Temazepam at night - it was not working the way it was supposed to. Called the pharmacist and learned that it was a no-no.

Scheduled the interview for next week - so will still have a weekend to prepare, unless I botch it again .

Went to a coffee shop, went to a cafe for my favorite mesclun salad with pistachio-crusted goat cheese, walked around taking pictures of clouds in the sky on my new phone. Relaxing, that is, and feeling better for it. Thank you!

It was the first time missing work for two days. I had only missed work for several hours due to doctor's visits. But other people miss work for kidney infections, colds, coughs, etc, so I am not alone. I just have a different reason: headaches.

Glad to hear it got a bit better It was beautiful weather here today, sounds like it was very nice up in the city too.

I have a friend who is physically disabled. has MS.
I avoid him sometimes.
Not because of the MS. just because I avoid people sometimes. if i dont have the mental energy to spare.
this friend knows its not personal or anything to do with the MS, cuz he is not insecure about it and is a pretty nice guy.

I aslo had a friend who was physically disabled (amputated leg) who I continue to avoid.
Not because of the leg, but because he is obnoxious as hell.
he tells me "its cuz im handicapped" and "people always avoid me because they dont want a one-legged man around".
im like, no dude, its cuz your personality sucks.

am i discriminating. nope.
i hate all people equally.

i think you did just fine avoiding that guy. you didnt have the mental energy to spare.
its not your responsility to make sure his feelings arent hurt, and he shouldnt take it personally.

might be my hypo, but i LOVE this and no i'm not stoned... but hmmm... maybe I should be... hahahaha

No, that is not it for me. Just the other day, also on the way to SB, a middle-aged ripped bicyclist stops by me in an intersection and starts talking politics. I disagree with his view, but what am I - an idiot to argue on the streets? - so I just nod and smile. He says his name, asks for mine, smiles, wishes me a very good day and takes off. Completely out of the blue. I was actually used to such things in my youth, and I was pleased that they are still happening - it is like proof that it is too early for me to write myself off as unattractive. Completely out of the blue.

And we have a bookstore next to which cute boys from Greenpeace distribute petitions. I know it and I start gesturing with my hand beforehand to signal that I should be left alone. They obey. So I can deal with that too.

It is more along the lines of Cocoabeans' post, I think.