I got my meds adjusted yesterday, again. I feel much better today... but my wife tells me today, "Everytime there is a lot of stress you call in and get your meds adjusted. At what point are you just going to deal with it?"

Now, I'm a pretty stand up guy so I just replied," Real nice, Karen" and left it at that. But what do you guys think?

[cocoabeans]

That's an interesting comment which could be read into in several ways. How supportive and accepting is she of your "mental disorder" and treatment in general? Is the recent stressful situation something that is causing her stress? Does she really just want to talk about it? Are you overmedicating to the point of being "zoned out" to significant levels of "normal" stress? Do you adjust meds when you lose your job, get promoted, someone dies, gets married, is born, forget to pay your electricity bill?

Context is important.

[anon61514]

Regardless of context, the above method of bringing it up is problematic and doesn't indicate much of a desire for constructive conversation.

I hope you manage to talk about this properly - without anything like the above firing up. Arguments always trigger anxiety and darkness in me, hope you don't get the same response.

Stay well.

[BlueInanna]

Wonder what does she mean by "just deal with it"?

You needed your meds adjusted, you dealt with it. I think most of us here are proud of you that you called doc and got help. To have bp and have your meds adjusted when needed is pretty much the routine.

[Blue Poppy]

.......................if your medications were right, you would be coping better with stress.

[Eliza Jane]

Has your disorder been under contol with medication at any point? I ask because I went through a time where I was on meds that weren't working and under extreme stress. It was really hard to tell what was what. My pdoc and T couldn't tell either. More recently, I have been on a more helpful med and experienced something deeply upsetting. The kind of thing that would have thrown me into depression in the past. But this time it didn't. I told my T yesterday, I'm not okay, but I'm not depressed. It was an unusual feeling for me.

That said, if you feel there is a grain of truth to what your wife said and she wasn't just trying to be mean, I'd check it out with my pdoc and/or T.

Best,
EJ

I had constant med adjustments for 7 years. I never really found anything that worked long term.

I wonder if your wife communicated out of concern poorly or with frustration. I probably wouldn't be very receptive to that either, not off the bat. Do you think there is any truth to it? And do you think maybe the two of you could sit down and have a talk, a calm talk?

I think what I would probably do is " Karen, I really need to talk to you about something..... when this was said... I feel like.... How can we fiqure this out together?" ect. You get my drift. Hopefully she would be open to talking about her feelings too and maybe you two can come up with some ways to support how you cope with stress, and some understanding of why you get those adjustments.

I don't know you or your wife, so not for me to say. But I know my bf does not always communicate well, nor do I. But after a good talk, a friendly loving talk we can usually come to agreement and solutions. I wonder if she is just concerned and frustrated and it is coming out as kinda mean?

[Vigodits]

If they don't got it, they don't get it.

[BlueInanna]

Originally Posted by Vigodits

If they don't got it, they don't get it.

You can say that again! Only the most compassionate, intelligent person could truly fathom what gad, bp, any mental illness is like for the one suffering.

But this is your wife Dan and mom of your kids, I'm sure there's a way for you two to come to understanding about both sides. And hopefully grow closer through it.

[Confusedinomicon]

If external events cause you to stress out, it may be what she is referring to.

Meds alievate the stress but they do not fix the core problem. Coming to terms with it and not avoiding it can help the anxiety. Therapy can help that if you are willing to open up. Maybe look into county-provided therapy?

[BlackPup]

I don't agree with what she said or how she said it and if your struggling with things you need a med adjustment and stressful times are often when that shows up but I will say that when I left my job under stressful circumstances I didn't adjust my meds even though I was down because it felt like a normal reaction to a bad situation. So I guess my question would be do you feel like your responses to these stressful situations are outside of a "normal" reaction? If so then it's totally appropriate to adjust meds.

Karen is supportive but she has her own stuff going on. I have been stable before but yes, stress triggers me and I end up feeling depressed. I have been on enough of the Abilify to keep all hypo at bay. as far as overmedication... i might have been on too high a dose of abilify... but now that we backed off of that and raised the zoloft, i feel 100 percent improvement. i actually have energy and i'm more interested in the stuff that I was interested in before again.

I think she was just being fescicious.. or however that is spelled lol. She has expressed jelousy before about the fact that I have meds to help me and she has nothing.

I DO need to go into therapy again... but I cant do it until october until our insurance kicks in. We have no state programs here in Arizona for counseling. None that I can find. The best one can do here is find a T on a sliding scale for payment.

yeah, I tend to go beyond the normal spectrum of dealing with stress. But the raise in Zoloft has helped me to deal with Karen so that is a good sign lol

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by landskaperdan

I DO need to go into therapy again... but I cant do it until october until our insurance kicks in. We have no state programs here in Arizona for counseling. None that I can find. The best one can do here is find a T on a sliding scale for payment.

I do not know how it will go so I cannot recommend anything, but I just want to let you know that I have an upcoming appointment at a sliding scale clinic where supervised interns conduct sessions. We will see how it goes. I bet every state has those, because interns need to practice somewhere.

that's true! I so gotta look into that! Thank you Hamster!

[BlackPup]

Really glad to hear that the increased Zoloft is helping

thank you BlackPup! So am I..

[faerie_moon_x]

My question is if your wife has had the oportunity to learn about bipolar from non-bipolar people. Maybe you should look into NAMI which is support for people living with people who have mental illness. Support people need support, too.

I know some people are resentful of the idea of "when things get hard, you get to take a pill, what do I get?" But really, wouldn't everyone rather not be on or require any type of pills and just live life without all the problems of illness? Of course!

Another thing, if you really start into remission with your meds, then I think she will see the difference. Sometimes seeing is believing, you know?

If you're looking for therapy and can't find anything check out the DBSA and see if your local chapter has any suggestions. Good luck!

my wife does not talk to many people about it. So no.. she has not had that opportunity. She only has talked to people that are like me. So maybe that would help. And yes! NAMI rocks... i have ordered booklets from there before about it in children for my youngest! Thank you for the suggestion for the therapy, i'll have to do that!

[venusss]

Meh, I do not really like NAMI (brought to you by big Pharma), because they overplay the helplessness of one with a disorder...). And people on Icarus claim that is became place for healthy people to *****, whine and moan about their bipolar relatives.

I can see her point though... not sure it applies to you, but many bipolars and people with other issues tend to practice this (once somebody here complained about having no friends and first reply was about adjusting meds. SOmebody once recommended me anti-anxieties for "I have essay to write, in political philosophy, nobody gave us instructions yet and out of four classes we were supposed to have we had just the introductory one, so I have no clue what to do... in addition I have writer's block". Hell, I even heard war in Libya was caused by Gaddafi going off meds...).

I would probably say something simmilar, if I felt my partner is not dealing with life by living it... I never took Nice 101 on school.

that's fair. I'm not sure if I am living life or not. There really is no definition on that one. I just take things one day at a time and try to have fun in the process. I DON'T use my conditions as an excuse though, even though she thinks I do lol

[venusss]

Sometimes it is subconscious though... with all the "debilitating lifelong illness" "awareness" out there, it's easy to believe real life would kills us because it is full of triggers.

I done that. I sometimes still keep doing that, sadly.

[Confusedinomicon]

I agree with Venus.

I found that believing in myself that I was not helpless has helped a lot. I don't see my illness as 'debilitating' because I'm living as best as I can within my restraints. I don't worry about what is "normal" because there is no "normal". I go through the motions of the emotions I'm feeling and I feel invigorated because I have the capability to feel.

(There are things like diet, exercise that can help reduce symptoms but you have to be consistent.)

kind of a fear of failure sort of thing. I see myself doing that.