[eloquentdisaster]

After my sister's birthday party today, my mom and I were waiting for a bus. She lit a smoke, and a guy walked up to her and asked for one. She said she couldn't spare one, and he walked away. His girlfriend said 'What, she didn't give you a smoke?' He shook his head no and she started ranting. She went on about how my mother was... well, a whole bunch of things I'm sure would be bleeped here.
I got so angry. I haven't gotten extremely angry in quite a while, but hearing her badmouth my mother like that did more than make my blood boil. I was so angry that I was shaking from the adrenalin rush for an hour afterwards. I came so close to doing something, but my mom stopped me and just kept repeating 'its not worth it.' My bus came soon afterwards.

I don't know if the amount of anger I had was rational, if it made sense, or if it was... enhanced by my bipolar. Really, this time as nothing happened, I don't care so much. But it did kind of scare me afterwards how angry I got. I don't think I've ever been that angry in my entire life.

I guess I'm looking for an opinion as to whether that amount of anger was rational. I have no idea. I've never been in a situation before where someone was saying things about my mother. I plan to talk to my therapist about it, but my next appointment is in little under a week. So.

[BlueInanna]

(((eloquent))) a couple things i've learned about anger... too often we talk about the anger rather than the underlying problem. i think you did the right thing because that ***** probably would've wanted to get physical and that leads nowhere. anger is a secondary emotion to one of four primary emotions: fear, pain, confusion, sense of injustice. it might be a mix in this instance. but especially i think it's a sense of injustice to have the strangers approach your mother and act entitled to her belongings. i think it's horrible humans acting that way. and i'm sorry you had to be exposed to such idiotic behavior. As far as your bp being involved, maybe...because of sensitivity, but I think sensitivity is a good thing. I think your anger is rational, those people were rude weirdos. Good for you not yelling back at them, or worse.
hope you're ok?

[eloquentdisaster]

Thank you for your comment, BlueInanna. It makes a lot of sense, and it made me feel better.
I think you're right. I think a big part of it was a sense of injustice, and well as... perhaps 'perplexed' is a more fitting word in my case than confused (but I would think it translates to about the same) over someone first of all acting so entitled, and then for slandering my mother like that.
And I'm ok, thanks. Still annoyed, but I've mostly calmed down.

[bluemountains]

Hi Eloquent,
I'm sorry that you and your mom had to experience these very rude people. Maybe your anger was sustained by bp, but I think your reaction was because someone was being abusive to your mom, and you wanted to protect her. Good for you for managing your anger, and good for you for feeling so protective of your mother!
Bluemountains

[Kristiemarie]

I don't think it was irrational at all. A little over reacted perhaps but you were able to control it so who cares, right? You did the right thing.

[LiveThroughThis]

Eloquent, I have experienced the exact anger you're referring to, that adrenaline rush where I'm fully capable of destroying the house, etc. And it's always been out of an "injustice" as you said; people cutting me off in traffic, I'm waiting for a chance to turn and ppl behind me are honking. It has sent me into a rage. I used to ignore that stuff pretty well. But a few months ago I would get, "incensed" is the word I use. And not just at that---my mom had to take her epileptic dog to the vet, and of course he was acting out of the norm, and one of the vets said, "He's crazy!" and they weren't being facetious. I only heard about it over the phone, but just hearing it made me want to call the place and chew their ***** out. Had I been there I would've certainly ripped them a new one. I realized my anger was getting out of control when people would swerve around me in traffic and almost clip my car, and in response I had to stifle the urge to ride their tail and let them have it. At the time I had no issue with it, but later it freaked me out and I'd think, "Yeah, that's not normal." My dr said I was going a little too "high" so he added a med which has helped a lot.

I never had an anger problem before; truthfully I think I kept it hidden because I saw how my badly my parents handled their anger, so I didn't know a "healthy" way to deal with it. I think in realizing I'm Bipolar and dealing with all that I have in recent years, it's simply made me not take ***** from people like I used to. I don't have a lot of fear of people hurting me, whatever, cause I know if the adrenaline kicks in I can put up a fight. But more than that I've just realized, "I can't hold this in, I can't just sit here and take it. I have to vocalize how I feel." To family members and friends, I mean. But if someone was to hurt one of my animals...... well...

[BipolaRNurse]

I too have experienced that sort of anger, far too many times in my life. Until I was diagnosed w/ bipolar, I (and everybody else in my family) kind of thought I was possessed whenever I got like that---total, irrational, both-barrels anger. And usually over stupid trifles, like being cut off in traffic.

One time many years ago, my husband got into an argument with a guy over what the guy thought was getting screwed on a car repair job my hubby had done. They were out in the parking lot of our apartment complex, yelling and threatening each other with fists, and I literally saw red. I grabbed a garden hoe and went after him with it. All three of us were moving in a circle, me with the hoe ready to strike, my husband trying to get me to back off, and the guy looking scared out of his gourd and begging me to leave him alone.

Finally, he backed away, only because he was just about to pee down his leg at the sight of this crazy woman looking to brain him with a garden instrument. But if he hadn't, I'd probably still be doing 25 to Life because I was THAT pissed.

Now that I'm on meds, my road rage is all but nonexistent, and I look back on that time some 30 years ago and think "Why the fritz was I willing to lose my freedom over some D-bag like that?!"

[eloquentdisaster]

Thank you, all.

LiveThroughThis, for me as well, my strongest anger comes from injustice.

BipolaRNurse, that was the kind of angry I was yesterday. I get angry a lot, and I know my anger is usually disproportionate to the situation, but as I said, I have never been killing-rampage angry before. I hope one day my anger will be as dissipated as yours seems to be

[BlueInanna]

It's ok to be angry and very angry, but obviously how we express our anger can be a healthy or unhealthy way. And imho you gotta let it out, talking, venting it great. Physical exercise, journalling, there are many healthy ways. Just don't want to run anyone over on the highway, let your blood boil too high, hurt loved ones, get thrown in jail. We learn frustration tolerance with age or some are luckily born with it.

[eloquentdisaster]

Originally Posted by BlueInanna

It's ok to be angry and very angry, but obviously how we express our anger can be a healthy or unhealthy way. And imho you gotta let it out, talking, venting it great. Physical exercise, journalling, there are many healthy ways. Just don't want to run anyone over on the highway, let your blood boil too high, hurt loved ones, get thrown in jail. We learn frustration tolerance with age or some are luckily born with it.

Thank you, you're right. I think I realized with everyone's replies that it doesn't matter how much anger there is, as long as it doesn't hurt me (or someone else) in some way. I guess everyone on this planet has a capacity for anger.

[LiveThroughThis]

Originally Posted by eloquentdisaster

Thank you, you're right. I think I realized with everyone's replies that it doesn't matter how much anger there is, as long as it doesn't hurt me (or someone else) in some way. I guess everyone on this planet has a capacity for anger.

Yeah....some of us just seem to have an extra dose of adrenaline/Hulk-ness....

I guess this represents the 'disaster' in your name eloquent, and hence the opposties that obviously keep you intact ....well intact enough.

I'm not implying it's at all comfortable...

I feel like saying I (suffer) from overloaded anger at times in public.... and I sure do....but...or yet I might like to say instead that I "experience" it.

...therefore it is justified just for me...just if I'd...not been bad at all

I say "damn cool"...stick up for mum everytime let no-one get in the way

[eloquentdisaster]

Haha, I wish I could actually hulk out! At least then my anger could be put to good use! :P (And I'd get to be green, which is pretty awesome)

[eloquentdisaster]

Originally Posted by dubblemonkey

I guess this represents the 'disaster' in your name eloquent, and hence the opposties that obviously keep you intact ....well intact enough.

I'm not implying it's at all comfortable...

I feel like saying I (suffer) from overloaded anger at times in public.... and I sure do....but...or yet I might like to say instead that I "experience" it.

...therefore it is justified just for me...just if I'd...not been bad at all

I say "damn cool"...stick up for mum everytime let no-one get in the way

Thanks Monkey I think you're right with 'experience' being a better word than 'suffer' in the case of anger. I think we're all a little bad with our anger at some point. Resolve slips occasionally.

[LiveThroughThis]

Originally Posted by eloquentdisaster

Haha, I wish I could actually hulk out! At least then my anger could be put to good use! :P (And I'd get to be green, which is pretty awesome)

Yes, the green part would be pretty sweet. I have had moments/times where the adrenaline pumped so hard/strong I felt capable of knocking over huge dressers/bureaus and destroying everything in the room. And I wanted to. But I knew I'd get in a lot of trouble and have to fix it all (somehow I always manage to keep thinking rationally in the middle of it? Grateful for that.) So, so far, Hulk only inside,

[eloquentdisaster]

Originally Posted by LiveThroughThis

Yes, the green part would be pretty sweet. I have had moments/times where the adrenaline pumped so hard/strong I felt capable of knocking over huge dressers/bureaus and destroying everything in the room. And I wanted to. But I knew I'd get in a lot of trouble and have to fix it all (somehow I always manage to keep thinking rationally in the middle of it? Grateful for that.) So, so far, Hulk only inside,

Can you imagine if we actually did hulk out? We'd be in so much debt to our cities!

[LiveThroughThis]

The fact for me is I've never known how to let my anger out in a constructive way (never learned it from parents), so I don't know what's healthy for me.

I've tried hitting pillows---just makes it worse. I've tried a punching bag--just amped me up.

I suppose loooots of cardio, and maybe some weight lifting.

If it's not adrenaline based and simply a mood/pissed off, I try to vent it online or in a journal.

Growing up my mom always told me, "That's no reason to be angry." So I realized early on I don't "deserve" to ever be angry. Therefore, when I do get angry/pissed (not the adrenaline kind), I don't always know what to do with it----"Uh...you're here, annnd, um, you goin' away? Cause I don't know what you want me to do about it....sit in it perhaps?"----me talking to my anger.

[LiveThroughThis]

Originally Posted by eloquentdisaster

Can you imagine if we actually did hulk out? We'd be in so much debt to our cities!

Not only that, we probably would be in padded rooms for the rest of our days. That or actual prison (shivers). Women prisons are notoriously worse than mens'....all those hormones? Whew.

[eloquentdisaster]

Originally Posted by LiveThroughThis

The fact for me is I've never known how to let my anger out in a constructive way (never learned it from parents), so I don't know what's healthy for me.

I've tried hitting pillows---just makes it worse. I've tried a punching bag--just amped me up.

I suppose loooots of cardio, and maybe some weight lifting.

If it's not adrenaline based and simply a mood/pissed off, I try to vent it online or in a journal.

Growing up my mom always told me, "That's no reason to be angry." So I realized early on I don't "deserve" to ever be angry. Therefore, when I do get angry/pissed (not the adrenaline kind), I don't always know what to do with it----"Uh...you're here, annnd, um, you goin' away? Cause I don't know what you want me to do about it....sit in it perhaps?"----me talking to my anger.

I feel for that. My upbringing was on the opposite end, but just as non-constructive. My family let their anger out in very loud and volatile (usually not to another person, but around them) way. I learned that if you get mad, you assault someone somehow. I had to learn not to do that anymore, and still really struggle with that. For me, exercise only works me up more. Journalling or telling people about it helps a lot.

[eloquentdisaster]

Originally Posted by LiveThroughThis

Not only that, we probably would be in padded rooms for the rest of our days. That or actual prison (shivers). Women prisons are notoriously worse than mens'....all those hormones? Whew.

Oh god, everything I've ever seen about women's prisons freaked me out! Probably better we don't hulk out!

[LiveThroughThis]

Originally Posted by eloquentdisaster

I feel for that. My upbringing was on the opposite end, but just as non-constructive. My family let their anger out in very loud and volatile (usually not to another person, but around them) way. I learned that if you get mad, you assault someone somehow. I had to learn not to do that anymore, and still really struggle with that. For me, exercise only works me up more. Journalling or telling people about it helps a lot.

Interesting. Your family sort of sounds like mine. My dad--alcoholic--would sulk, get moody, and simply shut down for days, and/or go drink. My mom, on the other hand, had no problems losing her temper, and quite easily I might add. Granted, she was a single mom from early in my childhood, and my brother was a handful. But she flew off the handle easily, screamed a lot, and it was usually directed at somebody. Ultimately, she had no patience, never has. As she's gotten older her temper's cooled a lot. Maybe subconsciously in the back of my mind I felt like, since she was going on regularly, SOMEbody had to be calm, even-keeled (hello, codependence!). But too I've wondered, how come things I got angry about weren't worth getting upset over, yet she could rage and lash out whenever she wanted? Because I was the kid and she was the adult? Ohhhh so much more therapy.....

[eloquentdisaster]

Originally Posted by LiveThroughThis

Interesting. Your family sort of sounds like mine. My dad--alcoholic--would sulk, get moody, and simply shut down for days, and/or go drink. My mom, on the other hand, had no problems losing her temper, and quite easily I might add. Granted, she was a single mom from early in my childhood, and my brother was a handful. But she flew off the handle easily, screamed a lot, and it was usually directed at somebody. Ultimately, she had no patience, never has. As she's gotten older her temper's cooled a lot. Maybe subconsciously in the back of my mind I felt like, since she was going on regularly, SOMEbody had to be calm, even-keeled (hello, codependence!). But too I've wondered, how come things I got angry about weren't worth getting upset over, yet she could rage and lash out whenever she wanted? Because I was the kid and she was the adult? Ohhhh so much more therapy.....

Yeah, my mom was a lot like that too. I wasn't supposed to direct my anger ever at her, but in general it was ok to flip out.
I never had a father (for the best, I know who he is and... basically I lucked out in him never being around). I did have my fifteen-years-older brother living at home, who my seventeen-years-older sister got in many verbal and physical fights with, then my brother-in-law, who was the same with my sister. Basically, there was almost never a day of peace in my family.
And yeah.... a lot of therapy sessions about family for me, too!