vent-How did I let it get THIS bad?

I'm writing this in hopes of falling asleep. I'll probably be deleted tomorrow when I'm more coherent.

For a long time (4-ish months) my husband and I have not been doing the best. He's been wanting me to do IOP and my response generally has been to move my pdoc further away and not letting him go into therapy w. me. This is in an attempt to "swing back" w/o intervention. He seems to be bouncing back. However today was the first day he was "serious" that was apparently unnerving to his T and pdoc. I told his T he's so much better now than the last time T saw us. He is still required to start 2 month of IOP on Monday.

We discussed their over reaction on the way home and then our car died on the road. I was good up until I went to bed. Then the first thought was "What if they weren't over-reacting?" and I lost it. Everything that I've been ignoring came flooding out. We have no car (no hope of fixing it) in an un-walkable area, 3 months of back rent, we have disconnect notices from all of our utility, and our account is negative. I would say **** it and take off but I have a responsibility to stay in the area for a year besides our son likes the area. I usually handle the bills but you can't do that from under a pile of blankets in the dark. I know we're both thinking "Our world is crumbling because I (person thinking it) failed at something". Now I'm scared to go to my appointment on Monday but I know it can't end w. IOP.

How did we not realize? Why is my T (I'm honest w. T) much calmer about this whole thing than his? How do I convince him to continue to be honest? Any idea's on how to keep myself calm about him becoming a walking vector of disease and possibly parasites for the next two months? Will there be any repercussions if we move before IOP is over?

Miguel's Mom, you have a lot going on - more than your fair share on your plate, that is for sure. I have not been able to make perfect sense of your post, except that the situation is dire. I want to know realistically what your options are. When you say "move", where? To live with whom? Your child is homeschooled by the district so should you move, he will get a different teacher - that is a negative repercussion, right? Please tell us a bit more.

what is IOP?

Intensive Outpatient Program

Maybe you should ask a lawyer about moving and this IOP, get to know your options so you can make the best decision

When I say "move" I mean put our valuables in storage. Then "visit" family all over the place until my mind catches up and goes into repair phase (a short time between depression & mania to fix the damage and prepare for the next phase).

I wouldn't be worried about staying w. family but it's not around the time we'd normally "visit". I'm also still teary, destructive, prone to fits and anti-social currently.`Both would be huge red flags and my son doesn't need to see me like this.

We would keep our address until we had a permanent one. So my son's schooling, and medical wouldn't be disturbed. Keeping the same address would also let us keep our team of doctors until we found a new team.

IOP isn't necessarily bad. We need to do something but my husband the one currently taking care of our son, our house, and our dog. We can't sending Miguel to stay with family because the school year has started. My husband will make breakfast and pack a lunch for him until I get better. My husband is starting to keep the bedroom door open so I'm "part of the family" and has already "baby-proofed" our master bedroom. He still worries about me. I'm hoping IOP will give him time to concentrate on himself and maybe force me to step up.

I really don't have the energy to talk to a lawyer or fight an eviction. Breathing is enough right now.

MM
My mind is scattered, I think i'm going from manic into depressed. but sounds like hubby is more stable than you right now? can his iop wait? or you go in now and he goes in later?

He's stable currently but they stressed because he wasn't joking and voiced concern for his future. He told them he doesn't ever want to be just a statistic of bipolar. Which is a great thing but was taken as him being suicidal by his pdoc.

They took his positive statement wrong .
I really think neither of us need IOP but his Pdoc wants him to go and I think it'll give him a couple of hours to focus on himself. I'd rather him go than me. Having them worry that we're both not doing good sounds like we'd be digging ourselves into a deeper hole. Maybe he'll get help with our situation there ???? who knows.

We have no car (no hope of fixing it) in an un-walkable area our car is fixed.
3 months of back rent, we have disconnect notices from all of our utility My Husband's family pulled together enough money to make sure we stayed living here and nothing got shut off.

My husband left IOP after the first day because "It wasn't worth the commitments he would have to cancel." He's talking to his T and then decide whether to go back. He also wants me to get my licence before going back. My T (after printing I this thread, only what I wrote) suggested I go to the crisis center but we'll see in 2 weeks. She is concerned. However she will not tell me my dx. After canceling the pdoc 3x my husband re-scheduled and I see pdoc this wend. I've agreed to go but am scared to. I know he'll to be able to convince me to do whatever he feels is best. I'm sure it's fine.

I just wanted to tell everyone that things are looking up. I'll tell you how it goes Wend or my husband will if I can't.

After reading this I should realize how stupid my problems are. I'm sorry that you're going through all of that. Can't be any easy. Hope it all works out.

Good luck with everything, what a trying time, please keep us posted!