Struggling

Not sure if this is the right place to post or not , I'm BP and BDP.
My BDP DX is a fairly new DX, Been BP all my life it seems , Really struggling here.
I don't really want to live or die, I can't find any real purpose or meaning in this life , A world I don't fit into , The harder I try the harder I fall. I'm so tired of fighting for the will to live.
Just got some new meds , I was so hopeful this time they would be like magic pills , not ! Once again some more meds that were of no help.
2 days and they were just awful ! Very violent thoughts , couldn't sleep , very depressed the next few days, UGH.
Any one reading this ..Do you ever feel this way ? and what are your coping skills for every day life ?
Thank you in advance .

I forgot to add that there are days when I'm so depressed and all I want to do is crawl into bed and sleep the day away , But I can't even do that , I lay there so tired but wide awake my thoughts just racing alone with my own thoughts . Crap !
I just can't find meaning in this life .
I also seem to put all the pain and suffering in this world on to me , I think just to feel bad and guilty , I have no peace , My mind screams !

I don't have any suggestions, sorry. Know you have good company.