[Vigodits]

If I had an answer I'd share it. I feel as if the air is jello and I am fighting to move through it. I can't focus and I find it harder and harder to resist the siren call of my bed. My former pdoc tells me this is normal. I am not putting much faith in the quality of his education. I am still auditioning new ones. They all seem to have very fine filters for me to try and fit through. It is as if they are only looking for easy ones that they can fix.

Oh and have deep pocketed insurances.

the air is jello vig

...it's not air alone it's thought gas and thick with contemplation..

like gravy...soup unbreathable gasp and gasp and it just slurps and we choke.

dribbling chunks of coagulated oxygen leak out of our mouths rejected ...

what was a simple reflex for survival became an ordeal a struggle and the deeper we inhale.

[Vigodits]

Huh? I am not sure I understand.

Originally Posted by Vigodits

Huh? I am not sure I understand.

..but you are sure that you don't understand.

this is a result! thats ok

....you spoke about the "air" being hard to breath?

I just went with it vig....the title....'hard to move'

it made sense to me.

[faerie_moon_x]

Originally Posted by Vigodits

If I had an answer I'd share it. I feel as if the air is jello and I am fighting to move through it. I can't focus and I find it harder and harder to resist the siren call of my bed. My former pdoc tells me this is normal. I am not putting much faith in the quality of his education. I am still auditioning new ones. They all seem to have very fine filters for me to try and fit through. It is as if they are only looking for easy ones that they can fix.

Oh and have deep pocketed insurances.

Actually, it is normal. The air can feel thick and heavy and sit right on top of you like it's going to crush you. That's part of depression. And the urge to just go lay down and sleep and let the world spin away while you're safe in your bed is also normal for depression. Giving in to the bed and not getting up is very common, actually.

I'm one of those rare rebells to the call of the "give up and lay down," I force myself. But, sometimes I just sit and stare at the t.v. instead of lay down.

As for pdocs, I don't have too much experience there, but working in the healthcare I can tell you that a lot of it can be based on money, yes. Some are more in it for the "good of others" than others, so if you find one of those hold on to them tightly. Otherwise, if you live in the US have you looked into medicade? If you get on SSI you can get medicare. Or, if you can't do either of those, you can look for sliding scale clinics.

[Vigodits]

Originally Posted by dubblemonkey

...you spoke about the "air" being hard to breath?

Did I say that?

Originally Posted by Vigodits

Did I say that?

yeah man...

"the air is jello"

[Vigodits]

Originally Posted by dark_heart_x

If you get on SSI you can get medicare. Or, if you can't do either of those, you can look for sliding scale clinics.

I have been on SSDI since 2002 and by extension medicare.

Prior to my daughters's death I was, what I would call, successfully treated, I was on a regular schedule, the Lithium was doing the trick. Down days were easily dealt with, though some time the depression waylaid me. For the most part I was able to carry on a stable life.
Then it hit the fan. Immediately I saw my pdoc. Told him that the grief was going to cause me to not be able to keep the momentum going and if he didn't give me anti-depressants to get me through the crisis, as he did before, I would relapse. He wouldn't, saying grief was normal. Well now I am in a major hole. The big test is whether or not I can leave to buy groceries. I am reduced to eating the canned sardines. After they go, it is tomatoes and peppers from the garden. The protein will be gone. I am trying to find another pdoc but I really do not have the strength, I am easily discouraged.

Oh well, no one ever said I was owed a life, let alone a good one. It is my lot, and at this point I am sitting passively waiting to see what happens. It's also the disadvantage of living alone.

[Vigodits]

I was referring about not being able to breath. I can breath quite well thank yo. Though I don't see why it is desirable.

Originally Posted by Vigodits

I was referring about not being able to breath. I can breath quite well thank yo. Though I don't see why it is desirable.

yep...I had no doubt.

you went for the metaphor I went there to.
I understood what you meant as most we all did yes.

I have experience with regretting to breath in real...

that too ..I expect is something common to us all at times maybe more maybe less but still there