[snugglebeary]

I am soo overwhelmed by all my thoughts in my head. It's like an argument in my mind. I feel so depressed and my heart is racing and there's a knot in my stomach.
I've been having strange thoughts like thinking my boyfriend is trying to control me and I'm trapped with him with no way out. I don't understand why I feel this way because he wouldn't hurt a fly and he wouldn't dare do a thing to hurt me in any way. He hasn't done anything to make me feel this way. I just randomly started having this feeling. I don't want to leave him. He's such a sweet guy, but my thoughts are making things difficult. And now I keep having these thoughts that he's mad at me which I know he's not.
I also have this feeling of just wanting to be alone for the rest of my life.

And I have this feeling that my family is always talking about me behind my back for everything little thing I do.

I feel like just crying right now. I've been confused all day and I managed to put a smile on for school.

I'm not sure it's the disorder that's making me feel this way. This is the only place I can really rant out my feelings and some people can understand. If I tried talking to somebody else about my thoughts I know they won't understand.

[snugglebeary]

And I also have this strange feeling that my boyfriend is purposely trying to mess with my mind.

Smile and wave "Snuggle", big mean anxiety has come to visit. And if your feeling a little sad too, watch out for depression. I feel the heart racing and paranoia too. It handicaps me sometimes and then I lash out or hide away. I wish I could send you a wonder drug through the forum, but I havent found one yet. If you do therapy they do have an anxiety med that is good to take with sleep med to shake it. ALthough I don't take meds. I think a good rest is the best start and you do need to be open with your loved ones so they understand. OH, and rant away!

What signs do you see that he is messing with your head? Don't let that thick fog cloud your judgment. It gets foggy with anxiety and depression.

[snugglebeary]

Originally Posted by WNT2bNRML

Smile and wave "Snuggle", big mean anxiety has come to visit. And if your feeling a little sad too, watch out for depression. I feel the heart racing and paranoia too. It handicaps me sometimes and then I lash out or hide away. I wish I could send you a wonder drug through the forum, but I havent found one yet. If you do therapy they do have an anxiety med that is good to take with sleep med to shake it. ALthough I don't take meds. I think a good rest is the best start and you do need to be open with your loved ones so they understand. OH, and rant away!

I don't take any medicine either or go see a therapist or doctor anymore. I have created this journal for my feelings today so I can express my feelings in there and then if I do ever go back to a doctor I'll show them it. Until then I can manage to put a smile on my face and pretend everything is okay.

Can't pretend forever. Well i can't say much I guess. I run a fantasy monologe in my head all day to keep the bipolar away. Called self-distracting. Works sometimes.

[snugglebeary]

Originally Posted by WNT2bNRML

What signs do you see that he is messing with your head? Don't let that thick fog cloud your judgment. It gets foggy with anxiety and depression.

I keep thinking he's mad at me and doing on purpose to mess with my mind. He reassured me that he isn't, but I feel like he is. I'm just not acting myself right now. I might just need some sleep.

Hang in there and don't accuse until you have proof. Concentrate on you.

[snugglebeary]

Originally Posted by WNT2bNRML

Can't pretend forever. Well i can't say much I guess. I run a fantasy monologe in my head all day to keep the bipolar away. Called self-distracting. Works sometimes.

How does that work exactly?

[snugglebeary]

Oh, I have no proof. I have these thoughts randomly. Like a few days a month. I remember last time I freaked out on him and he got worried. So I know not to freak out like last time.

Ok...step one...think of something you want to do. Like maybe drive a nascar, sail the ocean, be the first woman president, be a professor....anything big. Then plan it from where you are now until you are old and grey. Kinda like a movie script. Seriously, I'll do it sometimes and before I know it the day will be mostly over. Wierd I know

[snugglebeary]

That actually sounds like a good idea. Maybe I'll do that on my weekends when I'm alone, because I need to pay attention to teachers during the school day. I can usually forget about my thoughts at school because my thoughts are too busy focusing on school work. But there are times at school I can be really hyper and talkative and it's hard to pay attention. Right now, I'm in a quiet mood and doing nothing but school work to get away from my thoughts. I didn't have enough work today so I got to thinking about these crazy things and it made me start freaking out. I'll be a little better in the morning.

Well I hope your better. Yeah sometimes I'll get anxious to and get to rambling on and then feel embarassed about it later. I tell myself next I won't but I never win over my mind. Becareful though; sometimes I get lost in my monologe an forget my surroundings, I snap at people, get really sarcastic, and then my anxiety goes out the roof and next thing I know I can 't pull myself back fast enough before I cause a disaster. Good luck. And PAY ATTENTION to your work.

[snugglebeary]

Actually I do feel a little bit better. I'm sure I'll be much better in the morning. Oh, that reminds me when someone interferes with my peace like my niece coming in my room I tend to snap at them and then when they leave I talk to myself about how annoying they are blahblahblah.